Stand Inside Your love
by X-valmont-X
Summary: An interest in the cat turns into a secret obsession, which doesnt remain secret for long....
1. Sleeping With the Light on

Ok...although there are quite a few amazing stories about our dear Yuki and Kyo on think its time they had some happiness!!!! 

Almost all of the stories I read end in tragedy...or don't end at all screams

Sooo...I decided to give them, and you, some good old fashioned fluff.  
Prepare yourself for some tooth decay! review please

Its funny really,when you think about it...how all these things happen. That shake at the foundations of your life, until everything is unstable, but suddenly you have two of you to put it together again, and what you build up, is love.

You don't really think of it as it's happening. But when things are quiet, and things everywhere are still, like in the forest that yuki now found himself. He cradled a head of orange hair in his lap, and when he looked up to the sky, which he could see through a near clearing, he found that the two colours matched.

This bought a smile to his face, a loving smile, which he knew, spread over his whole face, to his eyes. It used to be impossible to bring such emotion forth from him, before Kyo.

He ran his fingers through the silken hair, the action caused a pair of vermillion eyes to slowly open, and look up with adoration. A tanned hand crept up to a paler face, to touch the paler skin.

A voice that sounded like it had just been roused from sleep, whispered:

"I love you, yuki, my yuki"

"i love you too...forever"

I don't really know where to begin. Or, for that fact, how it began. It just did. I was writing in my journal. By the light of a desk lamp. After another fight with him, which I of course, won. I was analysing him, I had been doing that a lot, around that time, everybody had a section, in which I would write about then, and what I thought of them. Kyo's, was uncannily larger than the rest of them. I obviously had a lot more to say about him than the others. I was trying to figure out what it was that made him the way he was. I couldn't figure it out. But perhaps I first had to figure out what he was like. I knew him. But I never really KNEW him. He was a complete stranger. So I began from the beginning.

He was competitive. More so than anyone I had ever met, other than myself. He had his moments of being highly confident, and then e was make a complete u-turn, and be too scared or feeble to make it out of the house. He was very private. Hardly letting anyone in his room but Tohru, and that was only when she had to drop clothes off.

Physically, he was extremely fit, training every day meticulously. He would be more able bodied than myself, had he not had the curse weighing him down, and making me more powerful. He was very hygiene conscious. Very clean. And he was also very beautiful, although he thought himself disgusting. All of the Sohma's were beautiful. But he had been graced. Because he didn't look weak and pale, like a lot of them did, he inherited the feminine beauty, but he had that shot of masculinity that almost all of the others lacked.

I didn't mind making this observation, he was not childish enough to scream at himself for calling the cat beautiful. Unlike a lot of the family, I had not been brainwashed by akito into thinking that the cat was disgusting, i live with him, and I see him everyday. i could accept that he was very attractive.

It was strange that i didn't really know Kyo, because when i came to think of it, the feline was the person i had most physical contact with, even if it was violent. So in conclusion, Kyo was not that unlike myself.

Of course, if he had read this, god only knows what would have happened, other than yet another fight. So, I kept my journal, unsuspiciously on a shelf in my room, which had a dozen or so similar books next to it. Therefore, he would never see it when we were fighting, and thus, never get curious as to what this highly guarded book might have been.

So I was safe. Not that I really had anything to hide, but the cat was really quite childish when it came to things like that, so I would have hell to pay if he found it.

Over the next few days, I found myself analysing Kyo even more, almost every night I would sit, and argue with myself about why he was the way he was, about why he was always so defensive. I was afraid to realize, that I found him rather intriguing. He was a new obsession of mine, in a purely psychological way. I would remember everything that he said during the day, and then write it down, and think about why he said it, and I would replay it in my head, just the way he had said it.

i also noticed that he was looking at the cat a lot more, looking at his actions, how he reacted to certain situations, how he looked at people. i learnt from this, that you could discover a lot about Kyo, from his eyes. If you looked into them, you would see a whole world. But i didn't get a chance to do that often of course, because the cat would catch me.

i had pages and pages of notes about kyo, i put this down to the old adage 'know your enemy'

But why did i hate kyo? It wasn't because of the whole 'the cat must be hated and excluded' thing. It was only because the feline was just so annoying! i wasn't going to take all of that abuse from him, because it would just make me look weak, and he would try to walk all over me.

I found myself watching him at times when I would have normally completely ignored him, like when he was eating, when Tohru would ask him questions he would eat quickly, as she would begin to annoy him, but when he sometimes sat alone at school, he would eat very slowly, and seemingly carefully. He seemed calm when by himself. I liked to watch him when he was thinking too, because he was so readable, even though he my have seemed out of it to anyone else, I could see what was going on behind his blank expression, because, as I have said, Kyo spoke with his eyes.

I wanted to watch him when he slept. I wanted to see what the unconscious Kyo was like. So that there would be nothing making him act any way he didn't need to, the sleeping kyo would be the raw kyo. I didn't know, of even think about how strange this must have been, to anyone who found out, or even to me. The thing was, it didn't strike me as odd. I didn't really think about it, it just happened steadily, but very quickly.

I planned to creep into his room, about five days after the whole obsession began. I would wait until I could hear nothing in the house. And then, carefully, I would make my way to the bathroom, if nobody stirred, especially kyo, I would then make my way over to his room.  
I was unfortunate, because as the cat, kyo had very sensitive hearing. So I would need to be especially careful. I wrote all of this down in my journal, meticulously planning each step I would take, reminding myself of creaks in the floorboards, and doors that had hinges that needed oiling.

The plan was to be carried out the next night. I tried to put myself into someone else's frame of mind, because I know if I didn't, I would bottle out. I was in my nights clothes, they were an off white, that was almost the same shade as my skin, if they were close-fitting, people may have thought I was naked.

So, I padded down the hall, to the bathroom, it was just opposite his room, maybe to the right a bit. There was a dim light coming from under Kyo's door, it would have panicked me, however I have known for a long time that kyo sleeps with a light on, he still does, when he sleeps alone that is. So I went to the bathroom, I stood there, calming my breathing while sitting on the edge of the bath.

When I was ready, I lightly stepped towards the door, opening it, and sliding through, across the hall, I pressed my ear to Kyo's door, and I found silence, I placed my hand on the cold wooden door handle, and slowly turned it ...


	2. Looking, Staring, Analysing

_Very unfortunately for me...being the poor art student that I am...I don't own fruits basket...if I did...Tohru would fall off a cliff, and Kyo and Yuki would fall madly in love. sorry any tohru fans I have offended I love her really so yeah...I don't own it. if I did I wouldn't be so poor.. _

_thank you for my reviews!! You people are lovely!!! X x x keep doing itttt! Please!! I don't really know how long to make this...or where it should go...its my first ever fic so if anyone has any requests or ideas, it would make really good practice for me_

Kyo's door opened with a creak, it always did, and I knew to expect it, but I opened it quickly, so it was a short sharp creak, instead of a long one. Kyo was laid on his bed, he was wearing a pair of navy blue boxer shorts, and nothing else. He was laid on his side, in a foetal position, cuddling a pillow, I smiled to myself, he looked kind of cute like that. His hair was messed up, like he had been moving around a lot, his face was pure perfection, I couldn't take my eyes off of him. I felt the urge to touch him. To run my hand along his jaw, touch his neck, run my finger-tips along his the muscles in his arm. I wanted to feel the silk of his hair, his cheek, kiss his rose tinted lips.

I felt my cheeks burning, as I realised what all of this obsessing was for. But I smiled, I didn't run away screaming. I just stood there, looking at the beautiful body of my nemesis. He started to stir, so I stepped back quickly as if I could hide behind some invisible shield.

I looked around his room. It was as I expected it to be, slightly messy, but a bit sparse. He had a shelf full of books. Which surprised me. I didn't think Kyo was much into reading. He slept with a lamp on, which was on a bedside table, next to a glass of water, and an alarm clock. His desk was messy. Full of school books and the sort. It's hard to describe, but I was just full of Kyo's character. I looked back to him.

He had rolled over onto his back, his arm above his head, the pillow falling off of the bed, escaping his grasp. I could now see his body fully, each toned muscle, each perfectly curving line. The jutting bones of his hips when he took a breath out, the trail of orange hair that began at his belly button, leading my eyes downwards. It was breath-taking. I wanted to stay there all night, just looking at him, staring, analysing. I wished that I had a camera, to capture the purity in his face.

However the animal instinct in me could felt the sunrise fast approaching. I had to leave, as he woke early, and I had not yet slept. I took one last, longing look, and I left, smiling, and getting ready to begin my act of hating him again. I was actually looking forward to fighting him, because that meant I could touch him. I felt happy, but also sad, I was contented, but I still wanted more if I could get it.

But I needed sleep, I had school. and I knew, that every chance I got, I would do this again.

For the first time in years, I fell asleep with a smile on my face.

In the morning, the rat was the same as usual, he slunk down the stairs, his whole fragile frame wobbling. As he shuffled into the kitchen, his head down, I glanced at him, and remembered the dream that I had had about him the night before, where he stood, and looked at me for about an hour, just smiling. My mind was strange when it wanted to be. It was more of a nightmare than a dream, it thought to myself.

He looked up, when tohru spoke to him, and smiled at her. And he glanced at me, and turned a light shade of pink. Of course I thought this was odd. And it irritated me. But I let it go, I was enjoying breakfast too much to think about it.

School was impossible that day, I just sat staring into Kyo's back, watching him slumped over his desk, staring at nothing in particular. I was so tired, I had spent so much time last night, just staring at him, and here I was again. The only danger was that someone would se me, and notice how oddly I was acting. Because, I had to face up to it, I WAS being odd. If anyone found out, they may think I was stalking him. But in my mind, you can't stalk someone you live with. And thank god I did live with him, because if I didn't, I would have gone mad at night, without him to look at.

Looking back on it, I'm quite shocked at how well I took this,obsession of mine. I think it was mainly because I didn't admit it to myself. Throughout my phase of analysing everyone I saw, the one person I didn't even think to analyse myself. Perhaps this is why the full force of what was going on inside my head didn't hit me.

I really didn't realize. But I was completely swept away by this amazing creature. He was making me feel, it took a lot to do that normally,but I had somehow gained emotions, just from thinking about him, and looking at him.

I watched him at lunch,when he sat with all of us, eating from his bento box, he seemed so innocent. Even through all of the anger and glares. You could tell, that somehow, Kyo had managed to come through everything he had, almost unscathed. Of course, from watching him, I had realized where the cracks laid. But he hid them so well, that most people wouldn't notice.

During the lunch hour, Kyo caught me looking. More than once. I knew I should have stopped. I should have waited until it was safer for me to look, with everyone here, it was scarily possible that I would get caught. Everyone being me and the cat, Momiji, Haru, Tohru, Hana, and Uo. But it was like I was addicted. And Kyo was the only drug that could quench my thirst.

His reaction to my glances was to scowl at me. He didn't say anything. Which surprised me a lot. I expected a full onslaught of insults followed by a declaration of a fight, and the proverbial "I will beat you" but there was none of it. There was something wrong with that cat.

And I had only just noticed it.

I just had to find out what.


	3. Breaking Down

**Well...here it is...it took a while because it was my birthday a few days ago, and I was given a kitten..and its hyper...so I've been spending time trying to control him. Which isn't going very well...but he's just fallen asleep...so I am taking this opportunity to get this done...**

**Please, please, please review...I will love you forever...and ever. please. desperate**

I tried to keep a close eye on him. Closer than I already had, I tried to take absolutely everything about him in. but it was too overwhelming. Everything was just rushing by me, because I had been so oblivious to how he might be feeling, because I had been so amazed by him. I had been so selfish.

Walking home from school, I tried to act normal, listening to Tohru talk about her day, but I couldn't absorb it. I knew by then, that I must have looked a mess, because I was starting to shake. I was a wreck. And Kyo managed to do this to me.

I needed to be alone. I needed to sort through this mass of thoughts in my head. It felt like there were a million different things, sparking each other off, constantly. I needed to begin at the start of it all. and unravel it, until I could find some rational thought.

It would take a while, I thought to myself, because everything was suddenly so tangled up in itself. I had myself in a situation. It was horrible. And I needed to escape it.

Upon arriving home, I removed my shoes, and moved quickly through the house. Trying to avoid any confrontation from shigure about my mood. I escaped to my bedroom, for a few vital seconds of recovery, before I had to go downstairs again. I sat at the end of my bed. Looking like I had just witnessed a car accident. Preparing myself, I tried to blot all thoughts of the cat from my head, I would become my usual stoic self, and I would maintain that, until I retired to bed.

Because I decided, it was time for me to be analysed.

I was ok, most of the time, I slipped a little at dinner, because I suddenly heard a loud insult directed at me from kyo, whom I was looking at, as if staring at him would be my way of pleading with him to tell me what was wrong. I apologised to tohru in advance, that I would not be able to make it to meet her tonight, as I was feeling slightly unwell. The look of disappointment was obvious in her face. But I would not be able to, physically and mentally, I wasn't up to it. I would crack before then.

As she left for work, I made my way to the bathroom, going up to my room to collect some clean clothes first. Returning downstairs, I walked into the person I least wanted to, even though my heart skipped a beat, and I felt my cheeks colour. I pushed past him, and left him cursing me.

The water was refreshing, it seemed to wash a bit of my worry away. I felt lighter, but I felt something else also, each run of water from the shower head was like fingers, running over my skin, touching me everywhere, I imagined these fingers belonging to tanned hands, attached to a toned body, which was coming closer and closer to me, with long arms coming to embrace me, and take me into them, absorb me completely. I closed my eyes, imagining his hot breath against my skin. In my mind he was there, completely really, and so loving, touching me in any way that made me gasp. And in my mind, he listened, when I said 'I love you'

My eyes flew open, this was new to me. I knew I liked kyo, a lot, obsessively. But, this, this was something else. Completely. It seemed impossible to me that I could mean it. Perhaps it was just a slip, something that shouldn't have been said.

I mad it back to my room in one piece, no thanks to shigure, who spotted me and gave me the third degree on why I looked so bad. I really couldn't wait any longer, I needed to figure out what I was going to do with myself.

Reaching to the shelf above my bed, I pulled off the book I wrote about kyo and everyone else in, and I walked slowly over to my desk.

The book was looking quite used now, I had to add extra pieces of paper to it, because most of the pages were used. So it was quite scruffy. But I didn't care. I had to keep all of this together in one place, so if I needed to I could get rid of it quickly, and also there was less chance of me losing it. Or horrendously misplacing it.

I opened it, turning to a fresh page. My shaking hand reached for a pen, and I began to write. I was in a fury, not thinking about what I was scribbling. Most of it was scribbles, just nonsense, I couldn't read it back to myself if I tried. It seemed that I had been possessed. I broke into a sweat, tears streamed down my face, and an anger I had never experienced before coiled In my stomach.

I was breaking down.

All the days of obsessing, looking, not sleeping properly, because dreams of him invaded me, and I woke with a start, in an embarrassing situation. It was all taking it's toll, I was paying the price, mentally and physically.

I could feel shakes riveting through me. Becoming violent. I began to see blots of colour in front of my eyes. And I knew what was going to happen. I tried to get rid of the book, but I wasn't strong enough to do anything, I just knocked it onto the floor. Everything suddenly went black , and I was lost.

The rat was being weird, he kept looking at me. And I kept dreaming of him coming into my room, it was like he was haunting me or something. And it was irritating me. I hadn't been feeling well, as rain clouds were looming, a dark grey, which was unusual for the time of year. It had been bringing me down, so I hadn't been snapping back at him as much as I usually did.

And I had been having dreams about him, in which he came into my room and just stood looking at me, like I meant something to him. It was disturbing, it felt so real. Which was made even worse by his even weirder behaviour around me. There was something wrong with the rat, and it was annoying me so much, that I actually wanted to find out what it was, so at least I wouldn't have to put up with him acting like he was wrapped up in something, that seemed too important to keep to himself.

As I was thinking this, I was sat at the dining table, looking over a magazine, Yuki and I were the only ones home, as shigure had gone to meet tohru from work. Much to my dismay. I had tried to stop him, but he was insistent. Even though he was a pervert I knew he wouldn't do anything to her. He was mostly talk.

I was reading something completely arduous, which didn't interest me in the slightest. But it was something to do. I was drifting into a slumber, when I heard a loud, heavy thump from upstairs. I was curious, so I left my place by the table, and wondered cautiously to the upper of the house.

There was nothing in the house, and my best guess that yuki had dropped something, but it would have to be a big something. I went over to his room, and let myself in without knocking

"oi, rat...what's go..."

As I entered I found him passed out on the floor, his head next to an open book.

Of course I panicked, as much as I hated him I didn't want him to die. Especially when I was the one to find him. I ran over to him, kneeling down beside him, and checking for a pulse. He was still alive, but he was damp, he had been sweating, maybe crying, turning him over, I gasped. He was ghostly white. But there was nothing I could do, I decided to lie him on his bed, and phone hatori. Quickly. I picked him up, he was heavier than I expected, but I could do it.

I laid him on his bed, and he still wasn't moving or stirring at all. I ran downstairs to the phone. As usual, the conversation with hatori was short and precise. He was on his way over, leaving straight away. I was to stay with him, until he arrived. I didn't mind, an unconscious yuki was also one unable to annoy me.

As I returned to his room, I looked to the book that had obviously fallen from his desk. It was yuki's writing, but it was just scrawl. I bent down to pick it up. It was thick, bursting with pages. I tried to make sense of what it said, I saw my name, he was writing about me.

_'...I wish I could make all these feeling disappear, so it wouldn't be true. I love kyo. I want him.'_

"what the fuck is this?"

I couldn't comprehend it. I began shaking. What was all this? It couldn't be true.

I had no idea of what to make of it. I just blanked. I heard the door slide open downstairs, shigure and tohru came through the door, laughing, unaware of what had happened. I quickly threw the book onto yuki's desk so it was closed, and looked unsuspicious.


	4. Human After All

**Hii! thanks for all of your reviews, they're really lovely!! And much appreciated. As for the line break between the boys talking, I thought I put it in, sowwy! I'll make sure to triple check next time! Please review! X x also, sorry it took so long...the kitten chewed through my laptop charger cable...I'm not very impressed with him, to say the least. Anyways...onwards!**

Shigure appeared around yuki's door, looking at me, as if I had just grown another head, he then saw yuki in bed, he looked like he was asleep.

"kyo-kun!! I never would have guessed!! Have you been ravishing our dear yuki! So much so, that he passed out! Oh! It's wonderful!"

Ack...pervert dog. I didn't say anything though. I was far beyond arguing. I was feeling numb, at reading what yuki had written, was this some kind of sick joke? Or was it supposed to make me feel bad! Maybe he wanted to beat me mentally as well as physically? I couldn't guess.

"ah! Kyo-kun! What happened to sohma-kun?!" Tohru squeaked as she stumbled into the room.

"kyo-kun! Did you finally win! Oh my! It cant be true!"

It seemed that along with tohru and shigure, the noise came back.

"shut up you stupid dog" I said it without any conviction. " I came in, and I found him on the floor, he passed out. I phoned hatori...he's on his way here."

"kyo-kun, are you ok?! You don't look well either!" Tohru was obviously in a state of panic.

avoiding the question, i answered:

"he's ok...he's not dead or anything" I said, trying to act at least a little bit like myself. "hatori just said I had to wait with him, so now you're here, I'm done".

I went to leave, but I saw the book on the desk, as I passed it, I took it. I saw it as my right to read it, seeing as some of it was about me. Drained, I went to the roof, seeing that as the only place I could be alone, and at peace. I breathe in the evening air, which somehow seemed calmer than the daytime atmosphere, it was cleaner.

I opened the small, but stuffed book. The first page had yuki's name written carefully, in big kanji. Moving on, I found pages on each of the Sohma's. This was yuki being scrutinizing, it was like the psycho that he kept inside himself came out on these pages, because this was not the shy, retiring yuki that everyone else knew. He was open about everything, about how those people had treated him, and how he in return thinks of them.

I noticed that the writing about me, started at about a quarter of the way through the book, and didn't finish. He obviously had a lot to say. The beginning was as insulting as I expected it to be. He called me ignorant, and strictly opinionated. Whatever he meant by that. Gradually though, the tone of the writing changed. he began talking about the way I looked, he called me beautiful.

Beautiful? Did he think I was a girl or something? And what's with that! Thinking I'm good looking! Is he gay!? Wow!..he really is a dark horse. But that's kinda sick. But it didn't make me feel ill. It was just implanted in my head that it was wrong. I didn't know what to think about it. About all of it.

I carried on, he kept on writing about me, constantly. He mentioned no one else. He just listed all the things I did, my mannerisms, it seemed that he knew me better than I knew myself. I was scared, I had been stalked in my own house. By my own cousin. By the damn rat. When did everything get so fucked up?

The last part of the book, was the most disturbing. He began writing about himself, saying what he really felt.

_'I'm sick, pathetic. Emotionally impotent. I'm not worthy of the ground I walk on. What kind of person thinks the kind of things I do. I'm obsessed. And I cant even do that right. There's something wrong with him. And I'm caught up in sneaking in on him at night and watching him sleep. I cant get over how beautiful he is. I want him. More than anything. But I'm sick. I wish I could make all these feeling disappear, so it wouldn't be true. I love kyo. I love him.'_

I didn't get it at all, what was this supposed to be about. My immediate thought was to kill him, I could easily get away with it, he was half dead now as it was, if I sneaked into his room and smothered him, no one would know. My next thought, or rather, feeling, was pity. The world really was going mad, I felt pity for the rat!!

But still,I pitied that he had to live in a world where the only person he had to talk to was a book full of notes, which he had obviously added to everyday. It was a sad state to be in. but he was right, he wasn't ok in the head. He needed help. And I needed to sort this stupid infatuation out that he had with me. It was sick. And I didn't want anyone else to know about it. It would be so humiliating for me if anyone found out, what would they think of me! I was already thought of as disgusting, and this would do even worse to me. I had to confront him. Though it was obvious that I couldn't do it just then. He was still completely flat out. I could however, find out what he found so damn amusing about watching me sleep. It occurred to me then, that I had not been dreaming about him, but that somehow, I had thought I was asleep when I wasn't. Yuki had turned into such a damn freak!

But I was going to return the favour. I needed to see what had made him go so mad over me, over me! If was feeling better I would have torn the house apart. Inside I was screaming. But I was exhausted. I could only do one last thing. Closing the book, I had noticed that the sky was dark, hatori must have come and gone. Thank god, he was the last person I wanted to see right now. He notices thing a lot more than anyone else, he would have noticed that there was something weird about me.

I got off the roof, stumbling as I walked through the now dark garden. I slid the door as quietly as I could. And went upstairs, as I stopped outside yuki's door, I listened to see if anyone was with him. It was silent.

I opened the door, seeing him laid in bed, shivering. He was asleep, and he was on his side, clinging to the covers, he was sweating. Had this thing...this obsession, done this to him? Or was he getting ill anyway?.

I walked over to his bed. Seeing yuki like this, so small, so undignified. I should have been gloating, but it seemed pointless to. He wouldn't hear, and he probably wouldn't care.

Not only that, I didn't want to. I felt somehow humbled to have read the innermost things of what yuki had bee thinking, I couldn't believe it still. But I wanted to see what he found so interesting about watching me sleep.

So I looked at him. I felt a burning hate in the pit of my stomach. I couldn't see his face because his hair was matted to his forehead, so gently I leant down and swept it away, cursing as I went 'damn rat, better not have done this to me, freak'. yuki's face was contorted, like he was in pain, his forehead was creased. His mouth was slightly open, and he was breathing harshly. It was shocking to see him without his 'princely act' going on. But here it was, proof that yuki was as human as the rest of us, despite the curse, and his high regard at school. I smiled to myself, he's weak now. Like me. We're the same really.

So I set about doing the same to him as he did to me, I looked at his face, the skin looked soft, but his expression was one that I doubt any of us had seen before, yet it couldn't make the prince look ugly. He wasn't ugly, none of the Sohma's are, that included me, the disgusting cat. We are a good looking family. My ugliness comes from the curse.

I wasn't thinking like myself, I didn't even sound like myself in my head, I wasn't acting like sohma Kyo when I leant down and touched yuki's face, as if trying to erase the lines on his forehead. I whispered his name, he stirred, his face becoming relaxed, and mumbled something. I smirked, if he could see this now, he'd...beat me. The truth came flooding back to me. This was not what I came in to do. I pulled myself back, looking at him again. Could it be, that sohma Yuki, the one that everyone wants for themselves, wants me. The one person in the world he was destined to hate?

And where did that leave me?


	5. Sweat, Dirt, Tears

**Hello again! 'tis me! I have a feeling the next chapter may be up tonight. Because I have a lil plot bunny nibbling my brain ew. So yeah...I'm gonna work on it in a sec. this is turning out to be a bit angsty So I might change the story type thingy. Also please review! thank you for everyone who has!!! They're really keeping me doing this!**

**I keep forgetting the disclaimers**

**erk but you know I don't own it...so please don't sue x x x**

_k/y/o_

So where DID that leave me?

That night had left me shaken. I stumbled back to my room, the house seemed foreign to me, because everything I had known, had been thrown upsidedown. If it was anyone else, I would have just thrown it to the back of my mind, as I didn't have the slightest interest in anyone apart from tohru. But this was yuki, the 'prince'...worst of all, the RAT. What would people think when they heard about this? They would laugh so hard at us, especially at me, for not noticing his scrutinizing looks, and the fact that he snuck into my room each night to look at me.

Shigure would definitely have fun with this. And akito would kill me, because he'd somehow push the blame onto me. No. this definitely wasn't right. I decided to speak with him first thing in the morning. But I had to sleep, which, in my state, was easier said than done.

_y/u/k/i_

The sun bursting through my windows woke me, it burned the my eyes, even through the closed lids. I tried to turn over, to face away from it, but I found my muscles aching, like every attempt I made to move, caused a defferent muscle to tear. I groaned, this really wasn't good. What had been going on anyway?

I remembered school, looking at kyo a lot, getting stressed...oh...that's what happened. It only made things worse than they were, because now people would be looking at me a lot more, to make sure I was ok. Slowly, I pried my eyes open. The light immediately caused a banging headache to come to life. Thank the gods it was a weekend. I closed my eyes again, this eemed to hurt more than actually opening them. I hoped that soon sleep would come.

However, I was suddenly interrupted. By someone quietly opening my door, 'probably tohru' I thought to myself. So I just kept my eyes closed. Hoping she would think I was asleep. I heard the person sit beside me. I was shouting in my head. Why can't people just leave me alone!

I heard whoever it was, take a drink form a carton of some description, and choke on it. The cough was not female. So this was not tohru. It slowly clicked in my half asleep brain, That it was kyo beside me, coughing, probably dying.

What is he doing here!? I felt my stomach flip. This was all I needed.

_k/y/o_

As I went into yuki's room, with my morning carton of milk, which tohru had taken to buying just for me, I saw him laid on his side. He looked a little calmer than when I had seen him the night before. I decided to sit and wait for him to wake up, so I could be the first to grab him, so he wouldn't be able to think anything up to get out of it. I sat in the chair for his desk, which I moved to beside his bed.

I took a drink, but I swallowed the wrong way, and I started to choke. I coughed louder than I ever have before. I was a bit worried that I might die. But soon, I felt the cough easing, it left a pain in my chest. But still yuki had not stirred. Nobody, not even the rat, could sleep through the noise I had created. He was awake. He had to be.

"oi. Rat. I know you're awake"

He slowly and begrudgingly opened his eyes. "no thanks to you" he grumbled.

I suddenly got nervous. How was I going to approach this? the old adage: actions speak louder than words popped into my head.

I picked up the book from where I had set it down upon entering, and dropped it in front of him. He looked down on it, his eyes widening in horror. "w-what..how...i"

"explain. Now"

He turned a strange shade of red. But also at the same time, any colou he may have had, drained. He looked terrified. He quickly sat up, wobbled a bit and began skaking. He couldn't look at me.

"what are you thinking? This is crazy. YOU are crazy. Are you thinking AT ALL!?"

"I...I...don't..."

"answer me! What IS this? This is obsessive...this is WRONG!"

Yuki just looked up at me, his eyes filling. He got up, and stalked out of the room. A few seconds later I heard the downstairs bathroom door slam.

_y/u/k/i_

I closed the door, taking my anger out on it. It closed with a bang, I looked around the small room, not taking note of anything, and I slid down the wall, cradling my head in my hands.

"I should have known this would happen, its not like I've done much to hide it"

I needed to wash the dirt off of me from the night before. I had been sweating, I could feel it clinging to me. I felt horrible.

I needed to clean everything away, the sweat, the dirt, the tears.


	6. Lost, Elated, Peace

**this...is for joy. because i couldnt live with myself if she died , thanx for the review btw!!**

**thankyou for all the reviews. they were really nice, and they keep me doing it. still...review please x x x **

**i dont own fruits basket...unfortunately.**

I could feel every layer of it coming off. Slowly peeling itself from my skin. I scrubbed myself red raw, so I could feel clean again. It helped. I became something fresh and dignified again. But the water couldn't wash away everything. My mind was still dark and clouded by thoughts of how much Kyo hated me, and how I could possibly get out of explaining myself to him, which was of course, impossible. I live in the same house as him, there was no way I could possibly avoid him forever, because this wasn't something he would forget easily. If at all. I figured that I had to speak with him, but I didn't know how to say what was on my mind.

/;/;/;/;/;/;/;/;/;/;/k;;//;/;/;/;/;/;/;/;/;/;/;/;

It was still raining, as I looked out of my window at the grey sky, it reminded me of Yuki. It made me feel miserable. He was stranger than I thought. He WAS a stranger. I thought to myself, that I should try and get to know him, then I could understand this stupid obsession that he had developed. But suddenly, I realized that I was thinking exactly the same thing that yuki must have been. When he began to watch me. There was no way I was going to end up like that.

I turned over, looking at the ceiling. I was drained. This was making me feel low. I had to think of something to lighten my mood. My mind ticked over to yuki, in that dress, the one the fan club got him.

'Ha. What an idiot, I can't believe he actually wore it'.

'he looked like a girl...a pretty girl...'

I felt myself blushing.

'he really looked good in it...didn't he?'

My mind was screaming at me.

"NO!"

But I felt something inside. Something I had mistaken for hatred before. I realized it was my nerves coiling in my stomach, at thoughts of the rat. Something was tickling inside me. Making me feel giddy, and for a while I was lost. I was elated, I found peace within myself, because of him.

At some point, I drifted into a healing and much needed sleep.

/;/;/;/;/;/;/;/y;/;/;/;/;/;/;/;/;/;/

I came out of the bathroom, feeling only a little bit better than I did when I went in there. Tohru was the first person I came into contact with. She looked concerned. She always knew when something was wrong. And after everything with me passing out, and Kyo was probably walking around the house in a rage. Which was normal, but looking at him this morning, it was somehow different. Like behind those beautiful red eyes, there was something that was devastating him inside. And I knew.

I knew, it was me.

I wish he didn't find out, I never thought, while doing everything to satisfy my own greediness, I never thought about him. I was so selfish. I only began to imagine how Tohru would feel at that moment. When she found out, that I was this disgusting creature. And that I wanted the boy she so obviously loved. I would be a disgrace to everyone. And I deserved it.

I was so messed up, and I couldn't see and end to it. It was all so painful, and it was my own doing.

I carried on berating myself like this for hours.

"sohma-kun...?...sohma-kun!"

Tohru's soft voice bought me back from my self-loathing thoughts.

"oh. Tohru-kun. Sorry. What can I help you with?"

"n-nothing sohma-kun. I just wanted. Wondered, if you are ok? After last night?"

Ack. Last night. I forgot how awful it would be to face the rest of the house. I wished that I was still asleep. In a world of my own. Having dreams of someone other than kyo. But then. The thought of dreaming about someone other than kyo, didn't even seem interesting.

"I'm fine now, thank you tohru-kun. I'm going out, to the secret base, its due tidy-up"

"uhm, ok...but sohma-kun..?"

"yes?"

"don't over work yourself"

"I wont. I promise. thank you."

She smiled at me. Her face was so sweet, so charming. And warming. It was comforting to know she was there.

I went to the peace of the base, the plants were therapeutic. It seemed that this was the only place where everything was completely alive, but at the same time, quiet. It seemed to me that there, I managed to find just a little bit of peace within myself.

/;/;/;/;/;/;/;/;/;/;/;k/;/;/;/;/;/;/;/;/;/;/

I watched him walk away from the house. He seemed back to normal. The same yuki that I had always known. The most annoying person on the planet. With his slim waist, and feminine shoulders. With his long willowy legs. The grey hair that came to his neck, and the graceful steps he took. Carefully watching where he was going. Yuki was a beautiful person. But I hated him. I hated every fibre of his being. I was conditioned to.

Because of a story. A tale. Which, if I didn't know better, could have been a lie.

I looked up to the sky, it had turned a beautiful orange, it seemed like it had been painted with flecks of yellow. Cotton wool clouds. It was beautiful. It showed me, that really, everything was so small, and there were only certain things that mattered, and that should take up your time. And you only realize it when something as simple as an orange skyline, shows you.

That everything is going to be ok.


	7. The Past, The Words, The Feelings

**WOW! this has taken ages! but it's finally done. i'm so sorry about it taking so long. i have had a mammoth project to do for university...but now it's finished! i just hope i get a good grade :S... so anyway...please review, and thankyou for everyone who has remained faithful lol x x x V x x x**

**/;/;/;/;/;k/;/;/;y/;/;/;o/;/;/;/;/;/;/**

Everything is going to be ok.

Because this is all that should matter. The fact that I get butterflies every time I see him, or even think of him. Because, I knew then, that nothing I felt was going to change, no matter how much I wanted it to. I would feel this way whether I wanted to or not. So I had to face it. And decide what I wanted to do with it.

**/;/;/;y/;/;/u;/;/;k;/;/;i/;/;/;/;/**

I sat, looking at the things I had grown, strawberries for tohru, leeks for kyo. Or maybe, leeks to annoy kyo. I smiled thinking of the cat. I wished he was there with me, even if he was kicking and screaming at me for being so sick. Which was quite likely. Suddenly I realized I was still crying through my smile. Because no matter how much I convinced myself that it was all going to be ok, I knew, that really it wasn't. I had found myself completely infatuated with my male cousin. It was disturbing me, so I could not imagine how I was making kyo feel.

The only thing I ever wanted more than Kyo, was to live outside of the main house, and I got that, I lived with shigure, and then, I found myself, selfishly wanting kyo in the same way, well, you cant get your own way all of the time.

I looked down to the earth I was kneeling on. It seemed to halt my thoughts for a moment. Before it all came back, and my tears began flooding. Like rain, another thing the cat hated.

**/;/;/;/k;/;/;/y;/;/;/o;/;/;/;/**

Everything is going to be ok.

So when I look out of my window at the orange sky, and I think about him. I feel suddenly complete. I realize, that I need to let him know how much I feel for him. Even if there was a little bit of me that clung to the idea of it being wrong. But I had been suddenly enlightened by that sky, something completely organic and warming, and I knew that it was time.

I was a mess, I had been crying, and maybe I slept, I couldn't figure out anything, but I knew I needed to sort myself out. I headed for a shower, washing away my dried tears. Washing away the past, the words, and trying to welcome the new feelings I had discovered.

As the water ran over me, I realized, that these things I was thinking, were not quite like the old kyo. Who would never think about anything so rationally, and so in-depth. Perhaps seeing that sunrise really had altered me. I didn't know. Probably never would either.

I dressed myself, checking I looked ok. I mean, I was on my way to confess my love here, I didn't want to look like I had just fallen out of a bin. I didn't bother to comb my hair though, which I noticed when I left the house. But before I did that, I looked around, still unaware that yuki had left. It was tohru who told me, as I tried to carelessly drop his name into the conversation.

The secret base. I ran, faster than your average human, thanking any god who would listen for that training in the mountains.

**;/;/;/;y;/;/;u/;/;/;k;/;/;/i;/;/;/;/;**

I didn't notice kyo, when he stood behind me, I was so lost in thought, in my tears, that I didn't hear him coming.

**/;/;/;/k;/;/;/y;/;/;/o;/;/;/;/**

I reached the secret base, and found him on his knees beside the leeks, crying, hysterical. I wanted to go over there, and take him into my arms, hug him so tight that he wouldn't be able to breathe, a real hug, without anyone transforming, I wanted him so close that I woulc whisper how I felt for him, as if the trees and the plants could not know what I was saying to him, because it was too special even for them.

But I couldn't, seeing him like that, knowing it was my fault, it glued me to the ground I stood on. My breath hitched in my throat, as I tried to say his name, sweetly, but with conviction, although, all that came out was a breathy whisper.

"yuki…."

His head shot around, and he looked at me horrified.

"kyo….please…no…I cant take anymore shouting….please, I promise I'll leave you alone. I wont even look at you, I know how wrong and horrible I am, so please, don't say any of those things again..please"

"yuki…" I slowly managed to walk over to him, so I was above him, and he flinched, I felt ashamed. I dropped to my knees.

"yuki….you aren't wrong…you aren't horrible" it was still a whisper, but he heard. He looked at me, and when our gazes met, the glue that had been holding me back, disappeared completely, and I did as I had wanted to. I took him into my arms.

"you aren't horrible….I….I think…I love you too"


	8. You Are All I Need

**Hello!...'tis me. thank you for your reviews, they mean a lot. And thanx for pointing out the typos! They're so annoying! I even have a spell checker, so argh. But thank you again. Anyways, I hope you enjoy, lemme know what you think of it.**

**I think we all know I don't own FB x x**

**;/;/;/;/;/y;/u;/k;/i;/;/;/;/;/**

"you aren't horrible...I...I think...I love you too"

He took me into his arms, and squeezed me, it was something so strange and alien to me, that I didn't realized it happened, I was breathing in an infinite breath, as if exhaling would make all of this disappear, and I would find myself sat there again, crying into my leeks.

However, eventually, I had to let it go, along with the relief to my lungs, came an onslaught of new tears, that were bigger, more strong, and for some reason more painful.

Of course, it hadn't registered in my brain what he had said, I just knew I was shocked for some reason, but before I could ponder at what it was, he began talking again.

"I have no idea what I'm doing. This isn't at all like me, but I just couldn't leave it...for some reason. And then I realized it. I think. I still don't know. I don't know much of anything anymore, I guess I just know something has to happen. You cant make yourself ill over this."

He sighed, and finally took a breath, then finished:  
"you damn rat"

I didn't know what to say to it all. I couldn't even think. I just sat, in an awkward position, with my head on his chest, his arms around me, he rested his head on mine.

When I thought of it, with all of my analysing of him, I had never looked at this side of him, because I didn't know it existed.

**;/;/;/k;/;y;/;o;/;/;/;/**

I never thought I was capable of affection, I had locked that part away a long time ago, along with memories, thoughts, anything that could make me FEEL something other than what I wanted to. This included love. I mean, ok, I liked Tohru, she was so amazing to me, to accept me like she did, to accept all of us, but I couldn't love her. Because I would not allow myself to. I was not capable of it, but somehow, he broke through my walls, he crushed all of those years of working to disguise every single emotion I felt. And he didn't even have to try that hard.

It occurred to me that it wasn't because I was weak, or stupid, it was just that I had somehow let them barriers slide. Now I had to deal with it, and with that little voice in the back of my head telling me that this was a bad idea.

It was autumn, so there was a slight chill in the air, and this worried me. Yuki was still quite ill, which reminded me of what else I wanted to talk to him about, I moved my head from the top of his, and went to say something, but I was silenced, when he looked at me, with huge, pleading lavender eyes. We just sat, looking at each other, taking each other in, in a way I had never done before, I learned so much about him then, just by looking.

"Yuki, you need to go back inside, you'll get ill again."

I realized then, that he hadn't said anything, not since I told him how I felt. What if, it really was all some kind of sick joke? And it was all on me. But then, he did look genuinely upset. Distraught.

"Yuki...you did mean what you wrote didn't you?"

Suddenly, he looked like I had hit him,

"o-of course I did" he didn't sound as defensive as his face looked. "I'm just shocked, surely you can understand that?"

"yeah...of course I do..." I was there

He looked up at me, and he blushed, a real blush, strawberry red. As I thought it, I saw strawberries behind him. And I couldn't hold in the laugh that grew from inside me.

He pulled away, looking hurt, until he saw me glance at the strawberries, then he just looked plain confused. I managed to gasp out, between giggles, that I had looked at them, and thought they were the same colour.

"I look like a strawberry!!!???"

**;/;/;/y;/u;/k;/i;/;/;/;/**

I knew Kyo was not the most romantic of people, and that I should have been over the moon with what he had confessed to me, but I had still not realized exactly what he had said. So I was more concerned with that fact that apparently...

" _I_ look like a strawberry!?"

"not all of the time, well...never before just now."

The look on his face said it all, it was an affectionate thing. Nothing horrible, like I was expecting. I smiled. I wanted to say 'I love you' but for some reason, I couldn't, I had written it, I had said it a million times in my head, but now he was here, I couldn't even form words, apart from 'I look like a strawberry'

**;/;/;/;/k;/y;/o;/;/;/;/;.**

I took his hand, and lead him to the house, when we were in view, I let it go, and told him to go inside, I would follow after I had been on the roof, and that it was a bad idea for us to tell anyone anything at the moment.

I needed time to think, about everything that had just happened, and how much my life had changed in that one sentence. It didn't seem possible, that I was really in 'love'

Love

What was it? And had I ever really felt it? If not, then I would never know if this was what I felt for Yuki, someone I barely knew. Perhaps, It was just pity.

But then, I was sohma Kyo, I never felt pity for anyone. Especially sohma Yuki. The damned rat.

That damned beautiful rat. It was going to be a long night.

With all thing going on in my head.

Not that I minded. It was all for him. All for Yuki.

Sometimes, the person you hate most in the world, is the only person you can ever love, because you feel such a passion for hating them. Sometimes, the delicate balance of love and hate can get shifted, and that passion goes somewhere else entirely.

"this is so fucking weird" I whispered to myself, as I drifted into a slumber, basking in the chill of the evening.

**ARGH!!! Out of season strawberries! Lol. Oh well. Hope you liked it. X x x x**


	9. Keeping The Cold Out

**Wahoooo...another chapter! yet another university project done...so i may be updating quite often til monday. but anyways...i dont own FB...i really wish i did tho. **

**review x x x please! x x**

**;/;/;/;/;/;/;k/;y/;o/;/;/;/;/;/;/;**

A chill running through my body woke me.

The cold had sensitised my skin, and it felt like someone who was freezing to death was breathing down on me. I opened my eyes, and saw the moon shining down upon me, and the stars twinkling way up there, it looked like they had been stuck there. It was not odd for me to find myseld upon the roof in the middle of the night. But I was odd for me to have a craving to go and slip into bed with yuki, the eternally cold and aloof rat would be warm, tucked in bed, it would be the most amazing feeling to have those arms around me. Suddenly, my eyes flew open as I realized what I was thinking, I felt my cheeks begin to burn, as I began to remember what had happened down at the vegetable patch earlier that day.

"oh god. What have I done?" I whispered to myself, not really knowing where it had come from. I had admitted it, to yuki, I had admitted something that I had not really known for myself yet.

I once again tried to reason it out in my head, how could I not be sure, when I had found it so easy to touch yuki, to hold his hand, all the way back to our house. I mean, of course I had been nervous, and very embarrassed but all in all. It felt...right somehow.

I made a pact with myself then, that I would no longer doubt, just carry this thing on through and see what happened, if anything.

As soon as I had thought this, my mind once again flitted to yuki. I wondered what he was doing.

**;/;/;/y;/u;/k;/i;/;/;/;**

I laid in bed when I got in, I thankfully managed to get past everyone else who lived in the house back up to my room, to my bed. I knew my face was still red and my eyes tear-stained, but now, on my face, was the broadest smile I had ever managed, many people had doubted I had been born with the facial muscles needed to smile, this would prove them wrong. In all honesty, I didn't know what had just happened, but something had, and now, kyo was holding me, holding my hand, I couldn't wait to see him again.

It seemed so strange that the one person in my life who had the ability to make me furiously loose my temper was suddenly the one person in the world who could make me smile. I laid there on my bed, looking at the ceiling, wishing he was there with me, but I was still apprehensive, he might be sat on the roof that very moment regretting everything he had said. That thought took the smile off my face. In fact, it made me want to cry again, I hated how easy it had been for me to become attached to him. But then, at the same time, I loved it, because he knew, and maybe, with time, he could have felt the same way.

"I love you kyo" I whispered to my ceiling, hoping that maybe by some strange miracle he would hear it.

I slept then, the best night's sleep I had ever had.

**;/;/;/;/k;/y;/o;/;/;/;/**

When I quietly stumbled into the house, it was late, so there was no danger of me bumping into anyone. I shuffled into the kitchen, and took a carton of milk, drinking it on my way up to my room, I stopped at my door, looking over and seeing a soft light coming from under yuki's door, he was still awake, I smiled, letting myself into my room, thinking that I would leave him to himself for the night.

**;/;/;/y;/u;/k;/i;/;/;/**

I woke up early in the morning, as blurry as I ever was, I am one of those people, who can feel if someone is in the room with me, even if I am asleep. And this was the case. Someone was in the room with me. And I was not happy. slowly, I pried an eye open, and saw a blur of orange beside my bed. Kyo! What was that damn cat doing in my room!  
But, then, something clicked inside my head, and I realized, or more, remembered, the previous night's happenings, and slowly, a smile crept up on me.

**;/;/;/;k/;y/;o/;/;/;/**

I always woke early in the morning, so, I thought, after showering, I would go and wake up yuki, however, when I walked in, and I saw him, spread out on his bed, without the duvet, his shirt slightly ridden up, I was caught under the same spell I was the night I crept in on him. So, I just sat, in a chair beside his bed, and I looked at him.

I wanted once again, to take in everything about him, the pallor, and translucence of his skin, the way it seemed almost preternatural. Although, his cheeks seemed a bit reddened, maybe he was feeling hot. His arms looked like they had been flung above his head by someone else, because sohma yuki would never strike such a relaxed, and alluring pose. His ruffled hair almost made him look cute, but the way his eyes were closed, mouth slightly opened, and cheeks a light pink, all added up to a different image in my mind.

My eyes travelled futher down his body, it was of course lean, and chiselled. All of his training made sure of that. A bit of his flat, pale stomach peeked out from the gap between his shirt and his trousers, it seemed that his trousers too had ridden down during the night, showing his hipbones, his bellybutton, a slither of silver hair running down to meet the start of the fabric, the linen that hid the rest of yuki's beautiful body, his slim hips, his willowy, but strong legs. I wished I could see it all.

But I knew, of course, that if yuki woke up naked, and I was stood there holding his clothes, I would have no doubt wrecked whatever it was that we had just started. So I held back.

Yuki stirred, just in time to see me blush, at the thought of him naked. He looked at me as if he was going to kill me, which of course worried me. Had he taken back what he said last night!?

But slowly, recognition spread across his face, as did a goofy smile, which made me want to laugh. Yuki in the morning had always been quite funny. But now I got to see this, which seemed hilarious.

"k-kyo..." he grumbled, I think it was supposed to sound authorities, but it just sounded like he was drunk...or had just woken up.

"Yuki..." suddenly my nerves kicked into motion, and I began to feel a little bit weird. "Uhm, hello..."

"g-good morning...kyo...um...what are you doing here?"

"I got up early... I just wanted to see if you were up"

"oh...well...what time is it?"

"I don't know"

We just sat there looking at each other, for about five minutes, it was like a staring competition, but it was not that we were trying not to look away, it was just that we couldn't.

Yuki's bed looked inviting, warm, as did yuki, he looked exactly as I thought he did last night, while I was out on the roof, cold. I was cold now. My hair still wet from my shower, and the thought of cold sending chills through me. He saw this, and looked around at himself, as if asking himself something.

**/;/;/y;/u;/k;/i;/;/;/**

I saw the cat shiver, and I immediately thought about asking him to come into my bed, join me, for a little while. But I didn't know how he would take it, or how to ask him without sounding like a pervert.

"You cold?"

I Shook my head, thinking, of course I'm not, I'm covered in a million blankets.

"uhm...you?"

He nodded.

"well...I mean, if you want, maybe, you can, could come and get in here with me. Maybe, I mean, only if you want?"

**awwwww...the fluff!!!! review! V x x x**


	10. Three In The Morning?

**awww...this fic is getting sweet. i dont really think there's much plot tho. lol. oh well. im liking all the fluff. it's giving me something to smile about...cause im having a horrible time atm. so its becoming a kind of escapism.**

**anyways. i dont own FB. unfortunately. **

**review please x x x valmont x x x **

**/;/;/;/;/;/y;/u;/k;/i;/;/;/;/;/;/**

I kicked myself, I really messed that one up…well done Yuki.

"um…yeah…sure."

So it was out in the open now, and he was going to come and get into bed with me, because he needed to be warm, and he wanted to be near me. But our problem was, we were too shy to do anything, we just sat looking at each other.

Our eyes met, and then danced away from each other. We were of course awkward, we were awkward around everyone, each other would be no exception.

I didn't want to sit here in this horrible silence for too long, so, I built up everything inside of me, and decided to make the move.

"Kyo, its ok. You don't need to feel weird about it"

He blushed. A thing I had only seen a few times in my life, and it made me smile. He saw this, and looked away, slowly getting up, and shuffling over. I pulled my duvet open for him, as he self-consciously perched himself on the edge of my bed, slowly, a tanned face, with burning red eyes turned to face me.

"is it ok…um…for me to lie down?"

I nodded. This time it was me blushing, as I took the lead, and laid down first. He seemed to take forever to join me, but slowly, he did. I really couldn't believe it, Kyo, was laid in bed with me, looking at me, and I saw warmth in his eyes.

**/;/;/;/;/;/k;/y;/o;/;/;/;/;/**

So here we were, if someone had told me last week, that I would soon be in bed with Yuki. I would have attacked them. At least. But alas, I found myself here, staring into his deep violet eyes. I felt so tempted just to gather him into my arms, to close the already miniscule gap between us. But I was shy, I have always been so. So that gap remained. For a while. I mean, I just laid there, looking at his beautiful face. I thought about how lucky I was to have him there, for me to be here, and for us to have finally realized…realized something. I don't think we could have given it a name at that point. But when I looked at him, I couldn't think why I could ever have hated him. Or how I could ever let anything get in the way of me…loving him. Because I thought that was what it was, love.

"kyo?"

"yeah?"

"you're staring at me"

My eyes seemed to spring inhumanely wide.

"oh. OH. Oh, I'm sorry" I felt my already pink skin turn a bright red. And I heard him giggle, I was about to launch into him, saying why it was not my fault, I wanna kill him, etc etc. but he interrupted.

"its ok, don't worry. I just wanted to make sure you hadn't died."

"died?!"

"yeah, some people die with their eyes open, and yours were really wide open"

"oh"

Again he laughed, it was such a rare sound, that it was like gold, each breath of his was gold. But a laugh, seemed something more. And I couldn't help it. I threw caution to the wind.

"fuck it" I sighed.

And before he had time to respond, I wrapped my arms around him, and closed the gap between us, finally, his warm body was pressed against mine, and I could now, for the first time, really feel him. Every slight curve of his body was now mine, and with my arms I consumed him. I felt his arms cautiously follow suit, and soon, we were in an invincible embrace.

I had never really noticed that yuki had a smell before. Its hard to describe, I'm not saying he smells, not at all. But what I mean is, he has a scent that is all his own. And it was intoxicating me from the very moment I got close enough to smell it. It was official, from that moment on, I was addicted to the rat. To my rat.

Its difficult to put into words, but I have read that sometimes, people find a place, a person, or an atmosphere, and they suddenly realize that a huge piece of themselves has been missing, and that they really are just a shadow of who they should be. But when they realize this, they have found the thing that can make them complete.

This was my moment.

I was overwhelmed.

"I love you, yuki"

**/;/;/;/;y;/u;/k;/i;/;/;/;/**

My eyes flew open, with kyo it was one shock after another, having him in my bed was more than I ever imagined, even if he was just keeping warm. But now. He had said the one thing I had been repeating in my head over and over again. The one thing I had wanted to hear from his lips for such a long time. But I didn't think I would ever hear them. I looked at him, moving my head slightly upwards to be able to see him, and his eyes were as wide as mine, his cheeks were a fetching shade of scarlet. He looked shocked at himself, yet searching his face, I could not see any trace of regret.

I smiled, and wriggling around, so I could bury my face in his chest. I wrapped my arms around him, fisting my hands into his shirt, and every time I took a breath in, I got this rush of scent, one that I could not put a name to. Into his chest, I sheepishly mumbled:

"I love you too…baka neko"

I felt myself drifting again, into a sleep I had never experienced before, sleep with another, who was near, protective, and warm.

**/;/;/;/;/;k/;y/;o/;/;/;/;/**

My mind was racing, this was the first time I had ever admitted something like that to anyone, and it was complete madness that I had just said them to yuki. Sohma yuki. My cousin, who was male, who was also my nemesis, and the one I loved.

All of it seemed so strange in my head. Yet all of it felt as if it should be like it was. And that made me feel so warm and happy inside. It seemed strange that just three words and having someone I really wanted to be next to, could make me feel something completely new, and something so profound.

A light snore interrupted my deep thoughts, the rat was asleep, his hands still clenched into fists at the back of my shirt, his head buried into my chest. I smiled. This must really be what he wanted, if the ever stoic yuki was prepared to throw away his hard earned reputation of having the same emotional warmth as a freezer, for me. To do this.

I decided then, that I would be coming in to see yuki early in the morning more often. And I also agreed, that I would never tell yuki, that I crept in VERY early, to spend this time with him.

Three in the morning was too early for someone like yuki.

awwwwwwww...i love fluff so much!


	11. Rude Awakening

**i'm alive!!! basically...i can only seem to get a connection once every week. and i have had a lot of difficulty with just that. so. things may be very slow :( but anyway...how was christmas for everyone? mine was weird...my mother ran off with another man! and left me and my father here...strange..still...enjoy...and review x x x x**

**i dont own FB**

I woke, gaining a vague sense of awareness. But I didn't want to open my eyes, I didn't want to ruin the perfection I felt. His arms were still around me. I could feel his warm breath on my chest, could hear him snoring lightly. So I just stayed still, with my arms still around him, and lost myself in the moment.

Until I heard the click of the door opening.

My heart sank to my feet, and then shot back up to my mouth. And I instinctively pulled the covers over my head as quickly as possible, knowing full well that it wouldn't stop anyone from being able to tell that there was someone in bed with Yuki. I just hoped that none of my hair was visible, because there would obviously be no way to lie our way out of that one.

The door opened, and I heard someone walk in and stop suddenly, almost as soon as they had walked in, they left again, closing the door softly.

I felt sick. For some reason, I had the overwhelming urge to kick Yuki for sleeping through it. Btu, when I pulled the covers back and saw him, I found I couldn't.

I woke him, his eyes slowly opening, and he groaned. I wanted to shout at him what had just happened. But I kept my voice down, knowing that if I shouted, the whole house would know, if they didn't already. His arms wrapped around me tighter. And he grumbled something into my chest. I looked at him questioningly, and he said it again, a bit clearer.

"I thought it was a dream, i'm so glad you're here."

I smiled, pulling him closer to me.

"yuki…we have a problem."

He pulled back and looked up at me.

"what?"

"someone walked in, while you were asleep…."

I said it quietly as if the person was still in the room.

His face suddenly seemed wide awake.

"who! What did they say!?"

"they didn't say anything, I don't know who it was, I hid under the covers."

"oh god"

"I know"

We just sat looking at each other with a visible panic in our eyes.

"what do we do?" I asked.

"i'm not sure. I mean, we cant just walk out there like nothing happened"

"we could…I mean, if we went out there like nothing happened…the person might not suspect it was me, and they might just keep quiet."

"Kyo…this is our family, they cant keep anything quiet."

I realized this was true, and I nodded. Then he continued:

"well…I suppose, really, it's the only thing we can do. It's not like we can hide in here forever."

I nodded again.

" but, we might as well try and hide that it was you, as best as we can, for now. If they don't know already. I think they'd tease me a lot less if they didn't know who, and you wouldn't get any problems at all."

He smiled at me, and sat up. It made me uncomfortable to be at such a different height, so I sat up too. It was time for us to get ready to go to school. So it was time for me to sneak out, trying not to be noticed.

"I'd better go. I have to get ready for school"

Yuki looked wounded, and it seemed that he would be happy to stay in bed forever.

"ok, but kyo….be careful…please"

He laid his hand on my forearm. A small gesture, but it meant the world to me. The way he sad it sounded like I was going into war, and i wasn't going to come back. I wanted to kiss him at that moment. To feel his lips against mine, and his breath flowing into me. But my nerves got the better of me, and all I managed was to bring my arms around him and pull him close.

"I'll see you in a few minutes."

Kyo got up, and walked to the door, leaning in close to it, he listened for movement from outside, satisfied that no one was around, he quickly and quietly left.

I missed him immediately. And I couldn't stop the flipping in my stomach when I thought of the fact that I had to face whoever had walked in on us earlier. bringing my stoic persona back, I got dressed, into my uniform, making sure everything was correct, and that I looked perfect. Once satisfied, I packed my bag, and prepared myself to leave my room.

I took a deep breath, and left.

I walked into the kitchen, expecting to be jumped by one of my hyperactive relatives, but I found only shigure, sat drinking tea, Tohru making breakfast, Haru helping himself to a drink and ayame, dreaming out of the window, occasionally looking at shigure, making eye contact and blushing.

The house was as full as usual, and I was pounced upon by Ayame, as he usually did, but there were no hints of him seeing me and kyo, none at all. It wasn't him. I looked to shigure, there was nothing particularly out of the ordinary about him either, I mean, of course I got the usual remarks, but all the same as normal. Haru looked at me longingly, as usual. And tohru was full of her sweet words. As usual.

I wasn't listening to tohru. I felt slightly guilty. But I was so worried. What if it was her? She would of course be too polite to say anything, but I also knew she was no good at hiding things.

I sat down at the table, trying to look as normal as possible, and it was going surprisingly well.

Until kyo waked into the kitchen, our eyes met, and we both turned a dark red immediately, and looked away as quickly as possible. Anyone who may have caught this interaction between us didn't say anything.

I tried not to look at him, but I couldn't stop myself. I wanted to just stare at him, forever. I embarrassed myself with these thoughts. If people knew, they would be so shocked. I would never live it down, not that I would be ashamed. But I can imagine how much fun ayame, for example, would have with it.

And if the close family found out, there would obviously be trouble with the rest of the family, me being totally besotted with the cat, which, to the sohma family, equates to the scum of the earth. And then there was akito. Who's wrath could be the end of kyo, and be the bringer of misery for me forever. This return to normality, from the surreal world of kyo loving me, was very sobering. There would probably be more problems than either of us could deal with.

This thought stung me deep inside. Wounded, I felt my mood lower, and people noticed it.

"ummm….sohma-kun…are you ok?"

I was momentarily pulled out of my sad reverie, and looking at her, I saw her eyes probing mine, seeking out an answer. Of course, I could not give the real one.

"yes, yes, tohru-kun. I'm just tired."

She didn't believe it, nobody did, it was obvious. But thankfully they didn't pry any further.

Breakfast was served. And we were all crowded round a table that was too small, and as usual me and kyo had been seated away from each other to keep the peace. In this case, it meant just off opposite each other. Haru sat next to me, staring. I think I felt him lean into me once or twice. It annoyed me. But not as much as annoyance personified sitting next to me, in the form of ayame. He kept throwing his arms around me, and exclaiming his brotherly love for me. of course I wasn't quite so keen.

"so…gure-san, what are you doing for Christmas?"

It was like someone threw a brick at my brain. Christmas. It was a while away yet? was it even December? Apparently so. I looked across at kyo. He had turned a terrifying shade of white. The natural tan of his skin had disappeared.

"ohhh….I don't know aya my sweetheart. Are the main house arranging anything?"

The words 'main house' made me feel sick. My eyes shifted from kyo, down to my plate. I preyed that the main house weren't doing anything, that they, for once, were leaving everything, and making an allowance.

"the usual…a knees up…nothing special. And nothing compulsory. However, I think there is an unspoken request that we should put in an appearance. Especially yuki." he sighed.

Again, I felt the sickness rise in my throat. The thought of. Her. Akito. What she did to me. It made me want to run away from everything in my life, even kyo.

Only for a moment though. Because when I looked over at kyo, and I saw him looking back at me, with a kind of defiance I had never seen in him before, I knew, that akito wouldn't be getting her claws into me this year.

I felt a sudden warmth through surging through me. And I realized, I was smiling stupidly, across the table. And people were noticing.

"Yuki…are you ok?" I heard shigure say, with a hint of suspicion.

"I think someone sees something very agreeable with our kyonichi!" Ayame exclaimed.

I realized what I was doing. And turned to look at Ayame, giving him the most evil look I could manage. He took the hint, and sheepishly looked around.

"ah…hahaha…maybe not then."

I got up, thanking Tohru for the breakfast that I had hardly touched. Making my excuses, I left for school early.

**/;/;/;/;/k;/y;/o;/;/;/;/**

Yuki was making it obvious that he was worried, and he was also making it obvious, to whomever had walked in, that it was me he was in bed with. It made me feel nervous that the person, whoever they were, was almost certainly around this table.

The mention of akito send a shiver down my spine, he was awful. Awful to Yuki. And I knew, if he found out about us, he would surely kill us. Or maybe just me. Akito was the kind of person who would enjoy keeping yuki as his toy, so he could torture him for the rest of his life. I wouldn't let him do that. Yuki is human. Not a toy.

It didn't occur to me then, how different I had began thinking about yuki. I few weeks ago, a few days even, I would have been pleased for him to bugger off to the main house, and leave me at home, alone, I would have loved for him to go to the main house and not come back. And I would never have gone there by my own choice. But then, looking at the fear in his face, if he decided to go to the main house, I would have ran there to be with him.

Some words were said. And yuki had excused himself.

I shifted nervously. Looking around for something to fix my eyes on, seeing as yuki had now gotten up and gone to school. Looking down at my breakfast, I began to eat. I thought about Christmas. I had never been one who celebrated it a lot. Ever since my mother died. And I couldn't remember much about Christmas form before then. The year before, we had gotten a tree, something that we had never had before. I didn't admit it to anyone, but I liked it a lot. It was beautiful. I hoped to myself that we would be getting a tree this year.

Every month, sohma family members who are still in education get an allowance. Even me, the cat. We use it to buy things for our studies, clothes, or anything else we want. My allowance was slightly less than the rest of the family's. but I didn't spend a lot of it. So I guessed I had quite a lot in my bank account. Which should be ok for presents. Which I begrudgingly bought for everyone last year.

Except yuki.

Of course.


	12. The Daydreamer

**here's another chapter. enjoy x x**

**also...i decided to start replying to reviews...cause i feel really rude not doing it. so i ust want everyone to know that their reviews are appreciated!!!**

**i dont own fb**

I arrived at school early. So I sat in my class, and did some homework. Well. I tried to. My mind kept wondering. Who WAS that who walked into the room earlier that morning? What if they knew it was Kyo?

And what if they had told the rest of the family?

I sighed, and looked down at my page. I had been doodling while I was thinking, and I had drawn a small cat, a cartoon one. He really was everywhere. Biting my lip, I thought of him. How warm he felt, how tight his arms were around me, and his scent. Everything. I thought of how much he meant to me. And how strange it was that he did. I wished that he was with me. Sat here opposite me, looking at me like he did across the table, and I wished that he was there to lean across the table, and shyly, kiss me. the door opened, and my teacher walked in, shaking me from my pleasant dreaming of kyo. I felt myself blushing. As if he could tell what I was thinking.

"good morning sohma-kun"

I sat there stunned.

"uhm, good morning."

I was shocked by him walking in. and I tried my best to act normal. But everything I looked at reminded me of kyo. So my mind could never leave him. My stomach flipped, how would I manage to work all day, take in my lessons, if I couldn't even look at my teacher without him popping into my mind. I looked at the clock, half an hour had passed since I came into the classroom. Kyo and Tohru would be here soon. My heart rose to my throat, what would I do all day?

It seemed almost unbearable, but there as no way I could get out of it without explaining myself. Soon, the door began to open more frequently, and my classmates started arriving. As soon as kyo walked in, I thought I might be sick, he looked at me, and for a second, I saw a hint of a smile on his face, but then it was gone, and he was in his seat. Tohru came over, and was talking about something, I tried my hardest to be interested, but I was just too distracted by him.

"I'm sorry Tohru-kun, please excuse me."

I quickly left my seat, walking out of the room, I felt Kyo's eyes on me. But I couldn't turn back, it was impossible for me to look at him, because I knew I would crumble. This, thing, was making me feel ill. And I didn't need that. I spotted my 'fan club down the hall. I didn't need that either. Before they spotted me, I went into the toilets. Somewhere they couldn't reach me.

I checked that there was no one else in there wit me, and when I was satisfied, I looked at myself in the mirror. I knew, looking at myself, that I looked perfect. I wasn't being big-headed. I just knew it. But, knowing my own face, I saw it wasn't what it usually was, only I could spot the paler shade of my skin, and the tiredness in my eyes.

I ran the cold tap. Feeling it rush over my fingers, cold and clean, I felt I little bit better. I bought some of the liquid up to my face, needing to be refreshed. As I did so, I heard the door open behind me.

'ohhh no' I thought to myself, maybe Haru saw me and followed me in. or maybe one of those obsessive fan girls had seen me, and didn't care that I was in the men's toilets. Whoever it was I didn't want to see them.

That was, until I looked up, and saw kyo stood nervously against the wall behind me.

I didn't want to turn around, but I couldn't help it. And silently, I turned to look at him. I saw that look in his face, the one earlier, when he almost smiled at me. But this time it didn't vanish, and he didn't look away. I tried to smile. But it seemed it too difficult, so I just stared.

He pulled a few paper towels out of the dispenser, and walked over to me for some reason he was now confident, more so than I. lifting his hand, he wiped away the water that was still on my face. I blushed at the contact. Unsure of what to do. I didn't have time to feel nervous.

"what's wrong yuki?" he sighed.

"I-I don't know. Everything's just so on top of me at the moment. I cant concentrate. It's like you're everywhere." I could feel my cheeks burning. I needed to rest. I had no idea where Kyo's sudden burst of confidence came from. But I quite liked it.

He stepped away, putting the towels in the bin.

"I'm sorry"

It felt like a knife cutting the atmosphere.

"what for!?" I almost cried in response.

"I don't know, it just feels like you're in a state because of me." he looked hurt. Which was the last thing I wanted. I walked over to him, and like a child, I tugged on his sleeve. His eye stared straight into mine, and within seconds, I felt his arms around me, the safe, protective arms that I had missed since this morning.

"what do I mean to you kyo?"

I don't know where the question came from, it just appeared on my tongue, and was out in the open before I could manage it. He was obviously taken aback by it. As he pulled away from me, and looked at me questioningly.

"w-what? Um…I duno…a lot. I mean…you must mean a lot to me for me to do something like I just did. I haven't ever been able to be so close to someone. isn't that proof enough?"

"proof? Where did proof come from. I wasn't asking for proof. I was just…wondering. I don't know why. I just was. Ignore it."

He really looked hurt now. Did he doubt what had happened between us?

"what do I mean to you?" he threw the question back at me. And I wanted to cry.

I wrapped my arms around him again, wanting his closeness, and hid my face in his neck.

"everything kyo. You mean the world to me."

I could feel the heat of his embarrassment. It was emanating off of him. But his arms came around me again. Tighter this time,

"can you concentrate in class now? Cause I don't want you to blame me if your grades slip."


	13. Actions Speak Louder

**GAH!!! the fluffiness!! its like being suffocated with candyfloss!!! sighs but you've gota love it. anyways...thankyou for my reviews..they keep me going...**

**so...does anyone have any ideas as to what kyo can get yuki for xmas? and what about yuki getting something for kyo??? **

**and any suggestions as to who opened the door!?**

**still...happy new year...please review..and i dont own fruits basket x x x xx**

The majority of my day passed in a whir. My mind was everywhere apart from where it should be. It seemed that he had passed his inability to concentrate onto me. Damn rat. every time I closed my eyes, I saw him asleep in bed. I saw the perfection of his face. I felt his arms wrap around me. I couldn't even blink without his image flashing though my mind. It was like his face was burned into my eyelids.

Thankfully people didn't notice much. My usual bursts of rage came and went, but for different reasons. I would shout and roar at people when they spoke to me, or at girls when they swooned at me, simply because they pulled me out of my dreams of Yuki. Not that they knew this. To them, Sohma Kyo was just having a bad day. Which was fine by me.

By lunch-time I decided I owed myself a break. And made for the roof. Tohru had made me lunch like she always did, and I took that with me, looking forward to it as my stomach growled at me, becoming impatient with me.

On my way, I ran into Haru. At once my stomach flipped. What if it was him? He was at Shigure's that morning wasn't he? And he had a thing for yuki. It all added up in my mind. And now he had found me on my own, he was going to have it out with me. No way was he. I'd kick his ass before he did. I bet he just wanted to get to yuki. When he walked in, he was going to try and get yuki to be with him. Well he couldn't have him! Yuki was mine!

"hello kyo." his calm greeting slapped me like a brick. The erratic and crazy thoughts I was having all disappeared, and I was somewhat in the real world.

"hi….Haru."

And with that, he walked off.

I stood there stunned for a while. Looking back on it now, I don't know what I was more shocked at. The fact that he had just walked past so casually, or my overprotective thoughts about yuki.

This was going to be a long day.

When finally reached the roof, after managing to dodge the rest of the people in the school I didn't want to see, I felt more than a little relief surge through me. My stomach made its hunger know to me once again, and so I sat, and began to eat.

My mind drifted, like it had been doing a lot since this whole 'thing' with yuki started. Because in my mind, a thing is what it was, it had no name that I knew of. I thought of many different things all at once. But the one thing my mind settled on, bizarrely, was: 'what shall I get yuki for Christmas? Do I even get him anything? Of course!….but WHAT?'

**/;/;/;y/;u;/k;/i;/;/;/**

I caught sight of the cat while I was staring out o the window, bored in my school council meeting. Immediately distracted, he had my attention completely. He was crossing from one building of the school t another, I knew where he was going immediately. And I was proved right when he began to climb up the fire escape. I wanted to go with him immediately.

I stood, shocking everyone who was talking at me.

"I apologise, but I have to leave."

They all sat there stunned.

I just left. Feeling free for some reason. I took long strides as I walked, I thought to myself, that this must have made me look like a spider. But I didn't care. I had somewhere to go, and nothing was going to stop me.

Except, maybe perhaps, that looming shadow that I felt upon me. Because in all of my sudden liberation, and freedom, I was still just a scared, pathetic freak of nature. And when I saw the face of the shadow, within my mind. I knew, that I may be happy. But that happiness was a fragile one.

With that sudden cloud above me, my pace slowed, and I felt as if that shadow, that black dog on my shoulder[1, was there now. And that it was watching me.

I stopped. Trying to shake whatever it was that had just crept into my head. And I took a very careful look around. There was no one there. It was just me. Just me.

Yes, it was.

I tried to convince myself, as I slowly walked over to the fire escape.

With every step I took upwards, the uneasy feeling that had come from nowhere disappeared.

**/;/;/;k;/y;/o;/;/;/**

I eat slowly, when I'm alone. I like to take my time. So half way through my lunch, I laid down, a slight chill in the air keeping me from dozing off to sleep. Even though I was a bit uncomfortable, I was relaxed. And content. If only the damn rat was here. Then I could rest my head in his lap.

And look up at him. Just be near him. But he wasn't here. He was probably doing something beneficial to the school. Like the model student he was. I sighed. I was winding myself up. Over the rat. What had happened!? When did everything change so quickly? I must have been asleep when it did. Because I couldn't seem to remember how we got to this stage.

I closed my eyes. And once again, the image of him came to my mind. I was used to it now, it didn't really bother me that much. I was happy to stay like this all day. I was a cat. I could do tall buildings, cold, and napping.

"baka neko"

I almost choked on my own tongue. I opened my eyes to see yuki stood above me.

"damn rat."

"why aren't you wearing a coat? you'll catch a cold. Or something."

"I don't want you to be my mother. And what about you? You're the one who has paper bags for lungs?"

"I…left my coat indoors"

"oh…well….do you want some lunch?"

He smiled, and nodded. He sat close, but at a comfortable distance away. I only had one pair of chopsticks. So I handed them to him, and he began to eat, gracefully. Like everything else he did.

I was still hungry. Not that I'd admit it. And my stomach decided to show me up, by growling. I felt myself blush immediately. He didn't say anything. He just paused, and began to laugh, hysterically.

He was still laughing when he passed over the end of the chopsticks to the front of my mouth, so that he could feed me. To me this was something new, and slightly unnerving. But yuki laughed, and I would do anything to keep him laughing, or just to make him happy.

I took the food off of the sticks, and suddenly, he was serious. He was a bit flushed from laughing so much. But he seemed to find the confidence in himself, that I had earlier in the bathroom. He moved closer, so close that if we both looked at each other at the same time and without thinking about the space between us, our lips would meet.

But I was careful about the space between us, because his closeness was enough to make me loose my nerve. He carried on feeding me, he was deadly serious now. And while I ate, our eyes never left each other.

I wanted to take the sticks from him, throw them away, and move in to press my lips to his. To press my lips all over his body. To have his body. I'm sure my eyes glazed over. Because I know my concentration wasn't where it should have been.

"…yo….kyo…kyo!?"

"huh? Oh…OH!…I'm sorry…I spaced out there." he was offering more food. I shook my head. "no... you eat…you need it more. Then we should get inside…or you'll get ill."

It was as if me saying that had reminded him of how cold he was. Because he shivered. 'stupid rat' I thought to myself. 'oh well…here goes nothing'

I shifted over, so I sat behind him. He was between my legs, I had done it so quickly that he didn't have time to realize. I bought my arms up around him. I felt him tense a little bit, and for a second I thought I had gone to far. But when he relaxed into my embrace, felt relieved, and warm inside.

He ate quietly, we didn't speak…we had no need for words.

When he was done, he leant back, using me as some kind of chair, I didn't mind at all. Obviously. I rested my chin on his shoulder, our heads touching, his hands covered mine, and I closed my eyes, feeling happier than I have ever been before in my life. Without thinking, I kissed him on the cheek, a delicate touch of my lips to his skin.

As soon as I had done it, the shock hit me. It hit yuki too. I had never seen him turn such a funny shade of red before. But it was a good kind of red it seemed, because he turned back to me, leaned in close and kissed me back. on the cheek. Like I had to him. And now I knew what the redness was all about.

The cat in me took over. And with a loud poof I became an embarrassed little cat on the floor. Leaving yuki to giggle to himself.

**[1 the black dog on the shoulder, is a referance to winston churchills depression/bipolar disorder...people aruge a lot over which it was...but i just love the description. as a sufferer of bipolar disorder, i find it quite accurate for those days when you feel like something's looming over you. **

**anyways...lemme know what you think of it...**


	14. Smile Like Sunshine

omgosh!! it's been so long!! i'm so sorry! i felt so uninspired by this story for so ong that i needed a break. thankfully, i've rekindled my love for it, and i'm off again. so once again, my apologies, and thankyou to everyone who reviewed. please do so again.

i don't own fruits basket. wish i did tho :p

warning! prepare for sap! x x x x x V x x x x x

After lunch on the roof, and everything that went with it. Yuki left, we decided to leave separately, because even though there was someone out there who possibly knew about what was going on between us, we wanted to keep it quiet, for as long as possible.

So after he left, I sat for a while, trying to sort myself out, straighten my clothes out from my recent transformation, and assess what the hell just happened. As it hit me, a goofy smile spread across my face as I raised my fingers to my cheek to feel where his lips had so briefly been. The world of Sohma Kyo had officially gone mad.

**;/;/;/;/;/;/;/Y;/;/u;/;/k;/;/i;/;/;/;/;/;;/;/**

As I descended the stairs, I could feel the skin of his lips brushing against my cheek, my face was still slightly flushed. As I lifted my hand to my cheek, I smiled, today was going to be a good day. Until I remembered where I had to go back to.

I slid the door open, boldly walking into the room, knowing no one would challenge me, giving my apologies, I took my seat once again, and instantly descended into a dream world.

I kept my eyes trained on the window, to see him as he walked down, as if this glance of him would be my last. I wasn't disappointed though, because he soon followed in my footsteps, bumbling down the steps in a daze. He lifted his hand to his hair, running his fingers through it in a way that only Kyo could. I smiled to myself, wishing I had a camera to catch the scene. The world was full of strange and beautiful things, and kyo was one of them. He always would be to me.

I knew I was being talked at, but the image of my cousin outside the window was too much to miss. Seeing kyo act naturally was a rarity. It was like seeing a cocoon give to reveal a butterfly, this beauty that the blood of the sohma had produced, and this beauty that the curse of the Sohma's had almost destroyed. But he was getting better, the events of what happened on the roof today were proof of that.

I liked to see his life, the life that kyo had naturally, the life that somehow seemed more real than that of what I had, even though he had had the worst time of all of us, kyo was the most alive. In some ways I was jealous, but now, I wanted to feed off it, so I could perhaps become slightly more human myself.

A niggling voice that would not be ignored awoke me from my daydreaming. As I turned away from the beauty of a natural Kyo, all I saw were eyes staring at me questioningly.

"umm…..I'm sorry?"

"sohma-san, are you ok?…you don't seem with us today?"

"I don't feel all that well, I'm sorry" it was true, I wasn't with them. But I didn't feel unwell. I just couldn't concentrate on anything that wasn't orange.

"well. I think we should postpone the meeting until sohma-san is ok again!" came a small voice from over in the corner, the girl who blushed when I looked at her didn't realize she was my saviour for the day.

"thank you" she turned an impossible shade of red as I said it, but before the words had left my lips, I had my things in my bag and was walking out of the door.

I didn't know what I was doing with myself, I seemed lost, but I didn't care, I wanted to smile until my face ached, but someone who was never left alone like myself, would attract too much attention, so I decided to look like I had gone in the opposite direction and looked utterly miserable. People would leave me alone that way.

I missed him already, which in itself was crazy. Not long ago, I wouldn't have missed him is he was nailed to a rocket and blasted into space. But now, now there was something different happening in this strange mind of mine. Now, I missed yuki if he was anywhere apart from in my arms.

Thinking this I blushed, cursing myself for being so soft in the head. I was slowly walking towards my next class. I noticed my pace quickening as I thought of yuki. I also noticed my heart beat faster. What a crazy, crazy world this was turning out to be. I put my hand to my chest and I could feel it, rattling away inside me. Carrying on walking, I remained absent from reality, until I felt arms around me in a stranglehold.

"kyo!! didn't you hear me?! I was calling youuuuuu!!"

My instincts kicked in and automatically went to throw Momiji off of me. I knew right away it was him, who wouldn't? his screech gave it away. But truth be told I didn't hear him at all.

After about five minutes struggling, he finally let go.

"hey kyo…what should I get yuki for Christmas?"

I felt sick suddenly. Was it Momiji?

"why are you asking me?"

I felt more nervous than I ever had before. Breaking out in a sweat, I tried to act as normal as I could.

"I just thought you might have some ideas!"

I was still suspicious, anyone with a pair of eyes or ears could tell that usually, normally, me and yuki couldn't even be in the same room as each other without tearing each other to pieces. So why would anyone, especially someone who was In the family and knew of why we hated each other so much, think I would know or care about what to get yuki for Christmas?

"well I don't have any ideas. I couldn't care less. Now leave me alone."

"ohhh but kyouuuuu!!"

I turned around, sending him my best death glare. He cowered and got the message, mumbling something and walking away. That didn't seem like a Momiji thing to do, but if it got him out of the way I didn't really care. Momiji had been there in the morning. And Momiji had been weird when I spoke to him. My stomach was knotting itself up. Of all people who walked in the room did it have to be one with such a big mouth? I prayed not.

But then again, Momiji isn't one to wait to shout everything out, he would have screamed it there and then, to the whole house, and then probably run and jump on us. It couldn't have been Momiji. However, no matter how much I tried to convince myself, there was still a little bit of me that was unsure, especially after my unusual meeting with Haru that morning. Everything was unsettling me today.

Reaching my class, I slipped my bag off of my shoulders and onto the floor next to me, I was ten minutes early. The classroom was empty and bathed in a blissful silence. It seemed, that with this emptiness and airiness I could finally breathe again. I could finally let all of the pent up thoughts in my head break free, and overcome me.

Flopping ungracefully into my seat, I sighed. It was going to be a very long lesson. Firstly I hated maths. I could do it averagely, but I hated it. Secondly, the psycho teacher hated me. And for a third, yuki sat just off opposite me. He would have to turn to face me, but whenever I needed to look forward I would be confronted with his image. Was whatever had passed between us worth all of the stress it was causing me? I was starting to have serious doubts. I lean my head forward onto my arms, enjoying my time alone. But as son as my thoughts slowed down, the bell rang out loud and I jumped, butterflies taking flight in my stomach. I took a deep breath, not bothering to look up as the room filled with people. I knew yuki was among them, and that was precisely what was stopping me. The seats scraped on the floor, voices were chirruping, and the still peace of the room was filled with life again.

"um…kyo-kun?"

Tohru's sweet voice stirred me. I forced myself to peer up at her.

"are you ok? You don't look well…."

"I'm fine Tohru. I just have a headache. I'll be ok. Sit down."

Of course I was short with her, she was used to it. It was the only way I knew how to be. In the background, I saw yuki appear. My heart jumped and almost popped.

And all I could think was "yes. This is worth all of the stress"

He scowled at me, but it wasn't his usual scowl, there was something underneath it that made my spine tingle.

Of course, maths was the last thing on my mind throughout that lesson.

All I could think about was him, about the burning on my cheek from where his lips had been, and where I wanted them to go. I could feel my cheeks flushing as I slowly came around to what I was thinking. Oh god. What was happening to me?

I tried to direct my thoughts to something more constructive. The numbers I had mindlessly written all over the page were making no sense to me. So I set about thinking over the people who had been in the house

that morning, and who could possibly know about me and yuki.

I was however, immediately distracted by how strange the phrase ' me and yuki' sounded. It seemed wrong in a way, because it had been ingrained in my mind for so long that we should hate each other. As I sat there lost in my own thoughts I couldn't help but wonder, would I even feel anything for yuki if I didn't know what he felt for me? Would any of this have even happened if yuki had not been obsessively collecting thoughts, information and opinions on me and other members of the family?

And then I thought, maybe I only wanted him so much because I was clingy. I didn't trust very often. And it was a dangerous to even go near yuki, for more reasons than one. However, I was opening myself to him. So quickly. After hating him for all of my life. And I was only just beginning to realize how weird this whole situation really was.

I took a deep breath, prompting a yawn, feeling myself slipping slowly into sleep. However I was rudely and abruptly woken from my near slumber by my name being shouted at me.

The teacher and all of the class were looking at me when I finally realized what was going on. The teacher was still talking, moaning at me about exams, failures and detentions. Hazily I apologised, catching sight of a pair of violet eyes staring back to me, along with all the others. These eyes were the only ones that made me blush. I couldn't look away, of course. That was part of the allure with yuki. As soon as you caught yuki's eyes, he could hold onto you forever if he wanted to. And it seemed to me then, that he definitely wanted to.

I shifted nervously in my seat, his stoic persona was seemingly falling away. In public too. It occurred to me then that we were attracting attention. And also that his face was flushing as much as my own. This staring competition was going to get us into trouble, there were already murmurs spreading throughout the room. One of them sounded remotely like 'he's going to kill him'. I inwardly groaned, knowing they weren't right, yuki didn't go red when he was about to kick my head in, he just scowled. Here, he was blushing. He was as uncomfortable as I was. And it was building and building. I could almost feel his breathing from two rows in front of me.

Our teacher cleared her throat loudly and we both jumped half out of our seats, our minds and ears coming back to our setting, the busy classroom, all raring to watch us fight although none of them would admit it. In a heartbeat he got up without asking permission and left leaving his chair out from under the table and his ink pen with the lid off. Tohru was close behind, but she seemed to think twice and halt at my desk.

"…ano….kyo-kun…do yo-"

"NO! I DON'T!!" I practically screamed at her. I followed yuki's suit and stormed out of the door. I was so livid for some reason that even my usual dramatic exit through the window seemed too much. All I could manage was to slam the door. Leaving my possessions and chair much like Yuki had.

Of course I knew the attention I would attract by doing this. But there was no way in hell I was going be left to explain everything. What was that!? And why in front of everyone? What was he trying to do? He might as well have stood on top of the school with a megaphone telling everyone about……about….us.

_Us. _That was going to take some serious getting used to. There had never been an us in my life before. I never thought there would be. So, my…partner. Ew. Was my male cousin, enemy, and the rat. Which was worst?

I know what akito would say.

**;/;/;/;/;/;Y;/;u/;/k;/;i/;/;/;/;/;/;/**

I was surprised that no one had come after me. However I was more than slightly pleased. What was I thinking!? People were going to be talking about that for days! Oh. Life can be awful sometimes.

I suppose it was my own fault really. I had been paying attention as much as possible, of course, being as popular as I am I was able to get away with looking away dreamily. I was dying to turn around and look at him, but I was fighting it. I was doing it discreetly, unlike kyo. So when the teacher begin to ask kyo a question and receive no answer, then raise his voice to him, everyone looked around to stare at him, I decided to take the opportunity to do so too. I tried my best to scowl, and almost did a good job. But when I saw him looking back at me, I froze. I was locked onto him completely, his face went red at almost the same time as mine began to burn. The began a whir of voices which I was only vaguely aware of, but I didn't care, I was too caught up in him, in his face, in the feeling of his eyes refusing to leave mine. This was how I wanted to stay, I wanted the world to stop and allow me to look at him forever. However, as the voices got louder, so did my grip on reality. They were asking questions about this strange staring session we were having. Thankfully they misread my pure admiration for anger. But I knew as long as iw as in the room with him I would not be able to look away. With every fibre of strength I had within myself I pulled myself quickly out of my chair.

As I left the room I heard voices, kyo shouting. And then the door slam behind me. I knew who it was, who else could it be? I'd heard doors slammed like that a million times. Footsteps falling hard echoed behind me, coming closer. And then he was beside me. He was red, whether it was from anger, embarrassment or from running I didn't know. But he looked like he was going to scream at me, eyes wide and hand raised in a fist. For some reason though, as I looked at him he calmed, his hand dropped and his eyes lowered.

"what was that all about?" he grumbled half heartedly.

He seemed like he was shrinking into himself. His normal strong and annoying voice was barely there.

"I don't know, kyo"

"well you started it! It must have been about something! People are going to think we're crazy!"

"_I don't know, kyo!_" I wasn't shouting, but whispering forcefully

We came to the main door to the school. We stopped awkwardly and looked at each other shiftily. Getting fed up he grunted and opened it, offering for me to go first. I blushed, moaning under my breath about not being a girl and shuffled through . He followed and we carried on walking as before.

"god, I don't think I can ever go back in there." he said as he cradled his head in his hands.

"well it's your fault" he was beginning to get on my nerves.

"what are you on about!! You started staring at me! Going all weird! And then everyone started noticing!"

"well you stared back! If you had just looked away we wouldn't be here!"

"I couldn't!"

We both stopped. Looked at each other, red with fury and Kyo was partially red from embarrassment. Almost at exactly the same time we took a deep breath and began to stare at each other again. With every second we were becoming more and more unsure of ourselves, our eyes left each others and then met again, kyo shifted nervously from foot to foot. I crossed my arms and bit my bottom lip.

After what felt like forever he stood up straight and forced out:

"well, whoever's fault it was, it was a stupid thing to do!"

He stormed off to a bench nearby and slammed himself into a slouching position. He looked like a sulking five year old, he was even pouting, with his arms crossed and his chin touching his chest he looked sorely disappointed. I walked casually over and sat beside him. He did his best to hide the fact that he turned slightly to look at me as I sat down.

A soft breeze fanned his hair over his eyes, he didn't stir to move it. It caught me on the back of the neck, and I shivered. This time he did move. He looked at me questioningly.

"you ok?" it was more of a grunt than a question, but I knew it was meant in a caring way. This was kyo, after all.

"I'm fine." short answer to a short question.

I wanted to punch him. He was sulking and it was annoying. But at the same time I wanted to hug him, to hold him in my arms and kiss him, tell him it was stupid, and get on with our day. However both of those options were not the best and were almost certain to end in near disaster. We were in a highly visible area of the school. If we fought, we would be seen and would both be in trouble. Shigure would be phoned and we would be sent marching home. Shigure would love it. On the other hand, if I hugged him, curled up to him and kissed him someone would see, we would be caught and the news would spread like wild fire. Shigure would love it.

It would seem strange to anyone who saw us now that we were sat on the same bench without tearing each other apart. I quickly elbowed him, he looked up at me, nearly growling and I smiled at him. He seemed stuck in one place. His mind blank.

**/;/;/;/;/;/;/;K/;/;y/;/;o/;/;/;/;/;/;/;/;**

A jab in my side awoke me from my fuming thoughts. It was Yuki, I jolted and glared at him. He looked momentarily scared, but then he smiled. A beaming smile. My heart raced quicker and quicker. I felt my eyes widen. This was yuki as nobody gets to see him. And he was showing me readily, showing me because he wanted to, and I suspected because he wanted to make me smile. I could feel myself blushing. But there was also this irresistible urge to smile pulling at the corners of my mouth. I was trying not to give in. the image of yuki showing so much emotion was too much however, and I had to give in. my scowl softened and I began beaming too.

For a while, we just sat smiling stupidly at each other, slowly relaxing more and more. A strange warmth flowed through me. Sometimes the person you least expect to brightens your life in ways you never imagined. This was happening with Yuki. And I was letting it. Bit by bit


	15. Worry, Reassurance, Laughter

**more sap...i know...i know...however, things hot up a lil in the next chapter...so the 'm' rating is beginning to be used. hope you like it. review please! **

**lots of love x-v-**x

i don't own fruits basket!

Kyo's death glare softened, and he began to smile back at me. His eyes took on a calmer look and there was something behind them that I couldn't define. His smile was one I have seen so few times that I can count on one hand how often he's given it. Along with this amazing expression of emotion, came the blushing. He went so red that it almost made me embarrassed. This was my way of kissing him from afar. It wasn't easy for either of us to smile the way we were, and near impossible for us to mean it.

My face was starting to ache, it wasn't used to this. There was only one person who made me smile like this, and thought it might have been the same for Kyo. I didn't really know, but it was probable, and if she saw this, she would probably explode. She had always dreamed of us getting along better, however something in me felt that she wouldn't be quite so pleased if she knew what feelings we had for each other. I didn't want to be in a lesson today. I wanted to go and sit with him, on the roof like we had at lunch. I was about to suggest the idea to him. I didn't know how I would go about it, as I am not so good with words, but I thought if I just started talking the words would find their way out of my mouth somehow.

I opened my mouth, the words were on the tip of my tongue, when out of the corner of my eye, I caught a vague black shape in the shape of a person, it was someone in the school uniform. But as I turned to look at them they turned and ran. I was shaken. I felt my knees begin to tremble, even though I was sat down, my heart rose to my throat.

"Kyo?"

His smile dropped as he noticed the shaky tone of my voice, and my panicky looking around.

"what's wrong?" he no longer sounded sulky, simply concerned.

"there was someone over there!" I pointed to the place where the person was stood, he was obviously male, black was only worn by males in our school. He had been stood behind a pillar. And my catching sight of him had been by chance, he had seen me and run away.

I explained this to kyo, and he couldn't see what I was so worried about. we hadn't been doing anything that would suggest what was going on between us, we had simply been looking at each other. I tried to explain it was not the fact we were looking at each other that was the problem, it was the _way _we were looking at each other that would cause us problems. Me and kyo simply did not smile at each other. Ever.

He pulled a face, and read it as something like worry. He was about to suggest something but was interrupted by the school bell chiming.

We had to move. People would be coming out soon, they would be everywhere. And all of them people seeing us as opposed to the one person who was spying on us. At least for a while unless they decided to spread what they had seen as fast as they could.

"I'll see you later at home. Tonight……I'll come and see you in your room" I stated, I had slipped prematurely into my cold personality. I think he knew this though, and nodded. Shoving his hands in his pockets, he sloped off.

"I'll wait for you to get your things from the classroom first. Then I'll get mine" he said from afar.

I nodded, not that he would see, and left to get my things.

**/'/'/'/'/'/'/K/'/'/y/'/'/o'/'/'/'/'/'/'**

I sat on my bed, it had been an uneventful afternoon and early evening. Dinner had passed ok, it was a bit awkward, but it was ok. The food was good though, which really, is very important to me. I was full and in some comfortable clothes.

Earlier in the day I had gone to check my bank account, seeing the money that had been deposited in there for the long length of time I hadn't been to check it. I had gotten a shock. There was nothing in there. Akito had obviously stopped paying me anything. Luckily for me, I had been keeping small amounts of money over the year from when I had last received money, and before.

I was emptying my savings out of the cat shaped cup tohru had bought me for Christmas last year. The sohma wealth was infinite, and so the allowances were big, hefty and too much to spend. Mine however was always smaller than all the others. A lot smaller. Now in fact, it had disappeared. So unlike my family, I had to save to afford a few presents.

I didn't like to admit it but I didn't know him well enough to know what to buy him. I had a measly number of yen. Just enough to get something for shishou and Tohru. I would have to rack my brain for something for yuki.

I grumbled inwardly. This was obviously one of the drawbacks of being the cat. But it hadn't really bothered me before. Now though, it was becoming a problem.

After replacing the money to the cup, I went to my desk. I had work that I missed out on in class today to catch up with. As soon as I began to write though, I lost concentration, thinking of what to do with no money and three presents to buy.

I had no real gift for anything so I couldn't make him anything. I could cook but there was no way of making him food without someone seeing and suspecting. I could give him me. I flushed red at the thought and shook my head to rid my head of the explicit thoughts. Things like this never happened before he started this.

I was coming close to tearing the origami crane I had made unknowingly to shreds. I looked at it, made from a piece of paper from my maths book, delicately folded with the ease of well practiced hands. When I was training with Shishou, there were a lot of nights I couldn't sleep. Things always weight heavy on my mind. On these nights I learnt origami. It was difficult for me, my fingers were naturally clumsy and fumbled with the paper at first, but with many nights of insomnia came a lot of time to practice. I was now at an advanced level.

Then it hit my like a brick, yuki's Christmas present was going to be something special. And something very spectacular.

Before I could get started, a light tap on my door stopped me. It was Yuki, and he let himself in. without saying a word, he sat on my bed. He was already red. I couldn't figure out why, until I stood up to come and sit with him, and he looked me up and down. All I was wearing was my green cargo trousers. I smiled devilishly knowing yuki was trying to stop himself, but simply couldn't. his violet eyes were wide, his mouth slightly open and as I said, he was a deep colour of red. It was the most amazing thing I had ever seen. Yuki had always seemed so aloof to anything…like…._that _and now, here he was, on my bed, virtually drooling over me. _Me. _I was very sure I wouldn't be the only one who couldn't believe it.

I walked to him, sitting uncomfortably next to him, at a comfortable distance however. He was in his night clothes, striped pyjamas, I almost laughed out loud at it. He looked five years old! Although, when he turned and looked at me, I was remained, he wasn't five years old at all. My throat went immediately dry and I felt like I was going to swallow my tongue.

"hello kyo" he stumbled around the words, they came out in a whispery voice. I looked back at him, feeling myself blush.

"hi" it was one syllable, one word, two letters, and I was already out of breath. I was going to do myself some damage if I kept on holding my breath when he was around, especially If I didn't know I was doing it.

"who do you think it was?" he was still whispering.

"When?"

"both times" we sounded like 13 year olds at a sleepover. Talking about girls, or trading cards.

"I'm not sure. You said the person at school was a guy?"

"yeah…and?"

"well….do you have any fans….who are male?" he looked like I'd just asked him to take his clothes off, completely aghast. In the end, he got used to the idea and shrugged.

"well…if it was the same person as this morning. It would have to be someone in the family. And the only person at school, who's male and wears the black uniform from our family is Haru."

This revelation stopped us in our tracks. Then it hit me.

"I spoke to Haru this morning."

Yuki paled, if haru had found out it could go anyway, he would either keep his mouth shut, be wounded, and confront us while we were alone, or he would turn black, and tell everyone while wanting to kill me and steal yuki.

I felt all of the hair stand up on the back of my neck, I dug my slightly elongated canine teeth into my lip. It was my way of calming myself.

"what did he say?"

"nothing….just hello. that's what worried me." I was concentrating. I have a tendency to scowl when I do this. Lost in my thoughts I was shocked when I felt a thumb pressing between my eyebrows. I looked and found yuki pressing down hard.

"what are you doing?!"

"there was a line on your face, when you were worrying. It doesn't suit you. I was just getting rid of it" it was after saying it he seemed to realise what he was saying. He went a cherry colour and pulled his hand away quickly.

"I-I-I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking. Sorry" he was looking down at his hands questioningly.

"it's ok. Really. It is."

He looked up and I smiled, trying to reassure him. I felt so strange sat there in the half light, with him, smiling at him. Not wearing many clothes.

It was my turn to go red. I couldn't understand this interest in _things_ that I had never had any such appetite for in my life. I was always so distracted by bettering myself, training or worrying to think about it. But now whenever I saw him I was immediately thinking about how he looked. How he would feel. And it was embarrassing.

Of course, to anyone who might walk in, the situation would appear not at all as innocent as it really was, I obviously was half naked, he was sat blushing on my bed, which in turn was making me flush. The scene would not be a good one for any of our family members to behold. But to me it was perfect. I snaked my hand out to rest between us, awkwardly, but passively offering for him to take it. I was hoping he would take it.

He didn't take it, but his hand also snuck out, as if crawling, but stopped just before it reached mine. It was going to be a case of slowly reaching to meet each other. I edged my fingers a bit closer to him, and he copied. One more move from me and we would be touching. I dared it, my hand was directly on top of his, and we awkwardly linked fingers.

He was warm, and his hands were so soft. He looked momentarily worried again, so I clenched his hand tighter, reassuring him that whoever knew, we would sort it out.

Somehow.

I wasn't sure then if I even believed it myself. But he needed to know, or at least to be told. The only way I could tell him was without words. And so, he squeezed my hand back and I knew he had understood.

I shuffled closer to him, still keeping his hand in mine. In a moment of sheer bravery I cuddled close to him, resting my head on his shoulder, placing our hand in my lap. He didn't react immediately, so I worried I had done something wrong. My mind was set at rest however when he bought his head to rest on mine.

This affection, I really wasn't used to. I felt uncomfortable, but I didn't want to move. I wanted to be near him as long as possible. He squeezed my hand tighter without warning. Not knowing how to respond, I shuffled even closer to him, burrowing my head further into his neck, under his shirt I could feel his collarbones protruding as his scent hazed my mind.

Would it always be like this? Would he always make me feel like a 13 year old girl?

In a way I hoped so. I had never felt this before in my life. I had never been hugged by someone so readily, no one, since my mother, had held my hand with such affection. His pyjamas were still amusing to me, but I put off saying anything about them because it would break the mood.

"are you ok?" the words were out of my mouth before I could even think about them. He didn't even react to the words. Just carried on holding my hand.

"yes, I think so. I'm just a bit worried." I could hear the smile in his voice, and made me shiver.

"what are you worried about?" I was thinking maybe he was having second thoughts.

"everything, I mean, these people or person who saw us today. If it was Haru I don't know what we're going to do. I mean, he could tell anyone, shigure, Akito. And Christmas, I'm going to have to go to the main house. And god knows what Akito will do to me this time. I cant bear to think about it."

This all shocked me for some reason, even though I should have known everything that was weighing on his mind. But I had been more concerned with what to buy everyone without much money. I should have noticed and helped him.

"you'll be ok Yuki. I'll make sure. I'll come to the main house. I won't make you do it alone." once again my words were faster than my brain. He sat bolt upright and dropped my hand. I sat up and looked at him, his eyes were wide, he'd paled to almost a complete whiteness. I was unsure as to what he was thinking about this. He was complicated at the best of times, in a situation like this I didn't know what to think.

"I mean it, Yuki. I won't let people walk over you like they normally do, I want to make sure you're ok, because you're……you. So I'll come to the main house. And I'll stay with you, all the time. And if anyone upsets you, we'll leave. Together. I don't care who sees."

He sighed. I could see the glimmer of tears in his eyes as he took up my hand again. He couldn't talk out loud. Maybe because he was too stunned? I myself was completely bewildered by the statement I had just made. He just looked at me, and mouthed a soundless 'thank you'.

A tear ran down his cheek, and I caught it with my thumb. Now would have been the perfect time to kiss him. It was all I wanted to do. I had imagined it so many times. But my nerves always got the better of me. This time was no different. The tears streaming down his face reminded me that he was human. So very human that it scared me.

My thoughts were interrupted by him talking.

"you c-called me Yuki" he sobbed.

I smiled at his simplicity, and I was shocked to find it was true. I had very rarly called him by his name. and now, when I thought of him, I didn't call him the damn rat, or the shitty prince. I called him yuki, even in my head.

"I know." I smiled.

He went red. Again. And slowly, his tears ceased.

"kyo?"

"hmm?"

"what do you want for Christmas?"


	16. Oranges, Steam, Bubbles

**this chapter is a lil racy, kyo gets up to no good, or very good, depending on how you look at it lol. this is light compared to what is on it's way tho. so let me know what you think. **

**love x-v-x**

i don own fruits basket!!

I had laughed at him then, it was such I silly thing to ask me at such a time. I had hugged him, told him not to bother, I didn't need anything. We talked for a while about Haru, an what he would do if it was him who saw us. And what we in turn would do, would we say anything to him? Ask him if it was him? Ask him how he feels about it.

Eventually, as time drew on, our conversation was getting louder and louder. He laughed, louder than I have ever heard him laugh in my whole life. I had to quiet him. Remind him that everyone was asleep in the house, and if he woke them we would find ourselves in an even more difficult position than we were already.

Time ticked on, and soon it was one o'clock in the morning. He yawned, so relaxed that I was quietly stunned for a while. But seeing him like this I felt immediately more comfortable in my own skin. Seeing him yawn reminded me of my own tiredness. it had been a long day, and a lot had happened. I needed a rest and it was evident that Yuki did too.

"we have school in the morning. You need to sleep, I wish….you could stay." I tried not to sound stupid, but I couldn't help it. Whenever he was around I just came out with all of these things that hadn't even crossed my mind before.

He looked at me as if to say, 'I wish I could stay too' but he didn't say anything at all.

I was never any good at this kind of thing. I didn't want him to leave. But he needed sleep. I knew I wouldn't be sleeping much tonight, far too much to think about, and I had a present to make.

I lifted my hand to his shoulder, not wanting to seem to forward, but he gave an invisible signal that it was ok, I could hug him. And so, I did it. Leaning forward, I bought my arms around him and pulled him in close to me. His arms weren't reluctant, they too wrapped around my back without a second thought. I gave him what Shishou used to call a 'bear hug' a tight squeeze. I breathed him in, he was now the air I breathed, and I wouldn't have had it any other way.

He giggled and squeezed me back.

Eventually, we had to let go, and as sorry as I was to lose his contact, I was thankful for being able to breathe.

"goodnight, neko….." he smiled.

" 'night nezumi….."

He stood up, not taking his eyes off of me, and then he walked towards the door, he as about to leave when he stopped and said:

"will you come in and see me again, in the morning?" he sounded so innocent. So scared to ask me.

I nodded, smiling at him.

"of course. I'd do it every morning if you wanted me to."

He beamed that smile again, and I melted inside. He left, crept across the hall and went to bed.

I sank back in my bed, leaning against the wall smiling to myself. I felt ecstatic, he was making me feel things that I had never dreamed. I wanted to make him feel like he had make me feel, so I left where I was sitting, went to my desk and began to practice making his present.

/'/'/'/'/'/'/'/'Y/'/'/u'/'/'/k/'/'/i/'/'/'/'/'/'/

The alarm went off at 3am, shaking me and forcing my eyes open. As usual, I woke with a start, like in those dreams, where you fall off of a building, and wake up just as you hit the floor. I used to get those dreams. But recently they had begun to cease. In my usual fit of morning wrath I whacked it, turning the beeping off. As I looked at my ceiling, I remembered the evens of the past day, and smiled. I could still feel the heat of his lips on my cheek, I pressed the tips of my fingers to the place where he had kissed me. Then I realized. This was not the time I had to get up. And Kyo was not in bed with me. I groaned inwardly. I had obviously miss-set the alarm. I turned to pick it up and re-set it but the shape of a figure caught my eye. Focusing the blur I realized it was him. He was sat in the chair by my bed, and he was smiling. Concentrating on him more, I notice he still hadn't put a shirt on. I felt the heat rising in my cheeks, I couldn't stop looking at him, his body was hard, and the rise and fall of his muscles was highlighted by the light of the moon coming in through my window. I gathered my thoughts, and tried to put my heart back in my chest where it belonged and not in my throat.

"did you do that??" I nearly screamed at him.

"I don't know what you mean" came his sarcastic reply.

"you changed my alarm!"

"and what if I did!?" his smile broadened.

He got up and walked over to me, perching on the edge of my bed. He asked me without words. He was brave up until this point, but he seemed to lose his confidence. He couldn't ask to get into bed with me. So, I took a deep breath and pulled back the covers as far as I could and nodded. He stood up, still nervous, and sat like last night beside me. We looked each other deep in the eye and there was something between us that gave him the encouragement to lie down. He did so, and we immediately wrapped our arms around each other. I burrowed my head between his jaw and shoulder. I took a deep breath in, inhaling his scent. It was beautiful, as was he. And so warm! I felt his skin, it was soft, impossibly so. I couldn't believe I was this close to him I was touching him. His heat was radiating onto my skin. I was overwhelmed.

As soon as I touched him, I was always filled with this heat that I had lacked without knowing. I wanted to tell him I loved him. To kiss him, but I couldn't I didn't want to break the contact I had with him now. I felt his fingers on the back of my neck, playing with my hair. It sent trembles down my spine, making me shiver. I had a feeling this could get very embarrassing for me if he carried on. I tried not to think things like that. Tried just to think of the things that were worrying me, but with him so close, with his breath brushing across my skin. It was too difficult.

Luckily, he moved his hand a bit higher, so he wasn't touching my neck. Nevertheless, I knew, and I knew that he knew that my breathing was getting heavier. He was stirring things inside me that I had never felt before, a and I didn't know how to deal with it. One thing I knew for sure was that it would do no good for me to talk. He would know exactly what was on my mind.

Suddenly, I became aware of how heavy his breathing was, but not in the ragged and desperate way I was breathing. But in a calm and deep breath. How you breathe when you're asleep. I smiled in relief when I realized that he had probably asleep before he could realized what was going on with me.

We had hardly said anything. It felt like we had been doing this for years. It was only the second time though and I was still a little bewildered. Closing my eyes, I willed myself into a light sleep.

/'/'/'/'/'/K/'/y/'/o/'/'/'/'/'/

I woke naturally at five am. He was curled up to me, snoring lightly. His arms were around me, and I could feel he was clung to my back, I smiled to myself. This was so strange, but at the same time, it felt like nothing else would feel right to me again.

"yuki…." it was a whisper. But enough to stir him slightly

"yuki…." he burrowed further into me, as if trying to escape from the morning. He grumbled something to me, and hugged me tighter.

"yuki…..we need to get up. I have to leave. "

"oh..but why…cant we just sleep longer? Please?" it was almost decipherable. But I laughed at his inability to function in the mornings.

I took my arms from around him and pushed him to roll him over onto his back. Reluctantly he allowed himself to be moved, covering his eyes, still trying to hide from the fact that he had to be woken up.

"I have to go…I'll see you later…." I felt saddened to have to be leaving. But we couldn't risk being caught again. As was about to get up to leave, he reached out and grabbed my arm.

I turned to look at him questioningly. He didn't say, anything, just smiled at me, His eyes suddenly wide.

I returned the smile, taking his hand in mine and squeezing it gently. Reluctantly I let it drop, getting up and walking away. I felt a strange sense of de-ja-vu. But I was somewhat relaxed inside myself. Something I hadn't felt before. It was an unusual feeling, but one I could definitely get used to.

Sneaking to the door, I pressed my ear to the door, hearing nothing, I opened it and crept out. It was still too early for anyone to be up. But I was still concerned that someone may have been getting a drink, or going to the toilet. Luckily no one was about. However, as I passed Shigure's bedroom I heard something disturbing. Heavy breathing, sighs. And then…

"ohh…gure-san don't tease!" all of the hair on my body bristled and I almost exploded with something like rage. Those perverts!! How could they! That was…wrong!

But the hypocrisy of my thoughts hit me suddenly, and I realized I couldn't say anything that Shigure or ayame were doing was wrong. I, after all was in a relationship with ayame's brother. And we were both men, and cousins. Just like him and Shigure. For the first time in my life I felt happy, if not that, but something like it for them.

But then I came back to my senses and I cringed, shuffling quickly back to my room, getting ready for my morning shower. I grumbled all the way about my pervert family.

Gathering my towel and my school uniform I wandered into the bathroom. I brushed my teeth with the orange toothbrush with cats printed all over it, that Tohru also got me for Christmas last year. I kept mine in a separate cup from everyone else's, as I thought about this, I looked to yuki's, it was grey and had rats on it. Where did she find this stuff?! Shigure also had one. I wasn't too fussed about it though.

I avoided the mouthwash, it was green and made me feel ill. I slid open the glass door. Removing my trousers and boxers I walked inside. As soon as I turned the water on it was hot. It soothed an ache between my shoulder blades that I didn't even know was there. I had my own soap that no one else was allowed to use, it was bright yellow and smelled like oranges. I lathered it over my skin, the scent and bubbles heightened my senses. Steam began to rise off my skin, I wrapped my arms around myself, wishing it was him. I imagined it was him running the soap over my body, rubbing it in, lathering it up to a foam, and then guiding the water to it to rinse me clean.

I wished it was him lathering the soap between his hands, putting it back on it's dish, and rubbing it onto my thighs, taking care to massage the oils within the soap into my skin. My breath shot in, almost making me choke on the steam and strong aroma of oranges. I never did this. I mean, of course I had done this before, but it was always out of boredom, and never often, maybe three times a year. Ever since this thing had started between us I had been getting the urge to do it more and more often.

I imagined, as I leant my forehead against the cold glass of the shower, that he was touching me where I was touching myself. That he was doing all of the things that really, only I knew I liked. I imagined it so well that I almost believed he was there, marvelling in how quickly I had become hard, just from what he had been doing to me, and that he began to stroke the wet and soapy skin of my hardness, saying something about making me clean.

I ran my other hand up my torso loving the wet and slippery feel of it, craving him to be there touching me, me touching him. Seeing him in my head with no clothes on, covered in the bubbles from my soap was almost too much. I stroked myself harder, feeling a buzz like electric building up inside me. My breath was struggling to come out of my lungs and let air in. my spare hand left my stomach and pressed itself against the glass, raking my fingers down it, wishing subconsciously that it was his skin, and he was writhing beneath me.

I was moaning now, deep and low murmurs at first, but then louder whines, and eventually a near cry. I bit my lip, trying to stifle what I knew was inevitable in the end. My toes curled as my climax approached almost making me slip. My knees nearly gave out beneath me as I came, moaning a word I didn't realize until I had said it.

"Yukiiii……" I was shocked, but I was too worn out to think more on it. I leant harder on the glass door recovering, as I opened my eyes I saw my semen had splattered all over it. I seemed embarrassed, ashamed and yet aroused again for reasons I couldn't explain. I took the shower head from the wall and rinsed it off. I needed to get out of there and sit down.


	17. Heat Of a Warm Bathroom

**it's been so long! i'm so sorry! but i'm back now, this is only a short chapter, but there is definately more on the way.**

**i don't own fruits basket!**

I re-set my alarm and returned to a light snooze. My pillow still smelled of him and instead of laying my head on it, I cuddled up to it breathing in the memory of him, my Kyo, my obsession.

For the second time that morning, my alarm began to scream at me, as I focused my blurry eyes, there was no masculine shape in the murky light of the morning, I was completely alone. I stretched, my muscles aching slightly. I had to move, but I could fee how cold the air was outside of my bed this would not do. I felt like a soldier going to war as I peeled back the covers and slowly crawled out of bed. On my way out of my room, I collected my clothes and my towel, things were always slow and requiring effort this time of the morning but things were a little less difficult knowing that once I was awake and out around the house, I could see the cat. As soon as I stepped from my door, Tohru appeared as if from nowhere.

"hello Sohma-kun"

I jumped almost out of my skin.

"hello….Honda-san"

"sohma-kun, do you know where kyo is?"

The skin on the back of my neck bristled, alarm bells were ringing loud and clear in my ears.

"How would I know?" my answer was short and angry. I trudged past her, feeling sorry already that I was taking it out on her. The thought of her being the one who saw us in bed was more comforting than anybody else, Tohru could understand things better than anyone else in the family, and she was more likely to keep her mouth shut. If it was tohru however, that would mean two people knew about us, as the person at school was male. I was almost growling by the time I reached the bathroom door. I slid it open with a crash and stepped inside, blind to anything apart from the need to get away from people. I locked the door and turned around, completely unprepared for the sight that awaited me.

Kyo stood in front of me, balancing on one foot in the middle of putting his trousers on. His eyes were wide, his whole body red and his leg was shaking. I, on the other hand wasn't really doing anything at all, that is, apart from pressing my back to the wall and gaping.

"o-o-oh, oh my god. Kyo. I'm I-I'm so sorry" I went to turn and leave quickly, shakily and completely out of my mind, but he stopped me.

"Yuki, it's ok. You can stay." his voice was a whisper, the walls in this house were paper thin, and people were awake, it would be too risky to talk at a normal volume.

"kyo, there are people out there!"

"I can sneak out, we'll be fine"

For some reason I felt calm all, my shoulders which were tensed, relaxed.

"ok" I sighed "ok"

I didn't know where to look, but I couldn't stop myself from watching him out of the corner of my eye. I had seen kyo naked so many times, and I had never cared about it all. Now however, it made me shake, and my breathing deepen.

"are you ok? It's not your lungs is it?" the question came from nowhere, it jolted me.

"n-no, I'm fine. It's ok"

My world was spinning as I realized that I had not seen kyo put on any underwear, my breath hitched. My mind had descended to the gutter, and I was going mad.

I felt his hand, still overheated from the shower he had just had, press onto my arm, I looked up to meet him and he was as red as I was. This was going to be awkward.

"you should have your shower." he seemed so confident, but there was something in his face that said otherwise. I watched him pull his shirt on, and without thinking I began to undo the buttons on mine. My thoughts were once again in places they had never been before, and it was causing my body to react more obviously than I would have liked. I looked to my feet trying to think about things I didn't like, Ayame, bland food, and the way cotton wool balls feel. But I was pulled from my thoughts by the one thing I was trying not to think about, he put his hands on my shoulders.

"are you ok?, you look weird" I knew he was concerned so I tried to make light of it.

"oh - well that's nice isn't it!" I smiled.

He pulled me close to him, his arms wrapped tightly around me. There was his scent again, but stronger, and I recognised it as oranges. As soon as I had recovered enough I hugged him back, wanting his body against mine, to be able to feel every part of him. But I restrained myself, I kept my hands from wandering.

"you smell good" it was a thought out loud, not supposed to be said, but it was.

"it's the soap, you can use it." I didn't answer, but I was dying to use it, to have the smell of kyo near me, all over me, all day would be a dream come true.

"I have to go" they were the words I wished never existed. every time he said them or something like them a piece of me died. Even after he said it we both lingered where we were for a few moments. When he let me go, I felt naked and cold for a while, as I moved out of the way of the door so he could let himself out, I was trying to acclimatise myself. He repeated his actions from earlier of pressing his ear to the door and listening for movement outside. He disappeared without even looking back, closing the door behind him. When I had gotten over what I had just seen, experienced and temporarily lost, I locked said door, and went on with my morning shower, taking special notice of the orange soap as it's scent filled the air.

I would have to do this more often.


	18. In Pursuit Of Perfection

**my laptop broke :( it broke literally as i was writing the next chapter of this story, which was supposed to go before this one. i'm going to edit it and try and slip it in algon the way somewhere once i've recovered the data from my old laptop. but just so you know, i think it was a good one....involving strawberries and yoghurt :P *if you get me!* so anyways....here is the next chapter, i'm on a roll, so there might be another one on tonight. let me know what you think, and thankyou for my reviews, very much appreciated.**

**X-v-X**

**i don't own FB, and i don't make any money from this.**

/;/;/;/;/;/K/;/;/;/Y/;/;/;/O/;/;/;/;/;/

School that day was for the most part uneventful, it passed in a whir of people questioning us about the show we unintentionally put on the previous day, ending in Yuki distracting them from me, just as I was on the point of exploding; and in a way that only Yuki could, telling them that nothing happened, it was a misunderstanding and to leave him alone, although unsaid, this also meant they left me alone. As he said this, stood in the doorway of our classroom, I sat in my seat thanking him with pleading eyes. He had saved me from the sharks of the school, and although I couldn't shout it across the room like I wanted to, I was going to be eternally grateful.

That morning I had come into class early, I was worried about my work. My grades had been steadily dropping, from high to below average. Anything lower than a 'C' wounded me deeply so I took it very seriously. A lot of people in my situation might not have bothered to work hard at school, seeing as my only destination in life was to be the cage. But I had always wanted to work hard, there was always a shred of hope inside me that when my time came, the cage might not exist, or I might have beaten Yuki.

I looked down at my page. I had been working all day on an essay we had been set as homework, if I finished it at school I would have time at home to do extra work, thus lifting my grade a bit. It seemed obvious to me that this had started to happen when I found out about Yuki's book. But if what Yuki and I were doing was to be permanent I would have to learn to balance my work and my feelings. As these thoughts went through my head, the bell rang; it was time to go home.

Yuki left us before we reached home, saying he needed to go and visit the shops before they closed. We accepted this, and I walked home with Tohru. We spoke of mundane things, the weather, school and homework. She was happy today, as always, yet it was unusual in the way that I too was happy, and trying my hardest to keep it all inside. She did however pick up on my shift in mood.

"Kyo-kun" she sounded inquisitive, "you seem very calm today"

My heart almost leapt from my chest.

"How do you mean?" I tried not to sound scared, like I was; instead I tried to seem suspicious of her.

"I'm not sure; you just seem a bit more...at ease"

I had no response, I just grumbled.

"Ah! I! I'm sorry Kyo-kun!" I looked at her questioningly, "I just think it's nice that you're happy! I didn't mean to make you angry!!"

It struck me as sad that I must seem so scary to other people, nevertheless I smiled.

"It's ok, baka" she turned to me and smiled back. What followed was an easy silence, broken by her as she said:

"I wonder what Yuki had to do at the shops?"

Just the sound of his name made my heart sink.

"Why would I care?!" this was the first time I had snapped at her all day. I felt at once guilty but I couldn't calm down.

"I'm sorry" she looked at me, still questioningly, but there was also something in her eyes that said she knew something she wasn't telling me, and it terrified me.

/;/;/;/;/;/Y/;/;/;/U/;/;/;/K/;/;/;/I/;/;/;/;/;/

The shops were bustling with people, probably doing the same as I was and buying presents for their loved ones. The weather had finally caught up with itself and had begun to chill as a gentle wind blew cold across my face. I was wandering along a highstreet, and I was on the lookout for the perfect present for Kyo and something told me that it would take a while.

I passed various shops selling things I knew he wouldn't like or be interesting. There were also shops with darkened windows and neon lights and I knew that they wouldn't sell anything that would be anywhere near appropriate. I blushed thinking of the things they sold in these shops and what they were used for. Shaking my head, I cleared the thoughts from my head. I had something to do and I needed to do it right. I sighed as I wandered along this was a pain, but I wanted to get him something perfect, I wanted to make him happy. I wanted to see him beam when he opened it, because his smile healed a part of me that had been damaged in my childhood, and I think his smile also healed a bit of him too. The thought of him warmed a part of me inside.

When I came back to my senses, I stood outside a jeweller. Looking up at the sign I saw it sold and engraved silver jewellery. Considering everything else I had seen that night it seemed worth a look. It was a small independent business ran by a small and brow beaten old man, who stood behind a counter that was almost the same size as him. He greeted me as I walked in with a small croak of a hello. I began to look over the shelves, there were various articles ranging from thing and spidery women's bracelets to large chunky solid silver chains, but there was nothing that reminded me of him. I could have asked the man behind the counter, but that question would be profoundly awkward to ask and to answer:

'Excuse me; do you have something for my boyfriend? He's my age, cursed with the zodiac and transforms into a cat, is very moody and has anger problems, and oh yes! He's also my cousin' my mind boggled, there seemed so many things wrong with whatever was happening between us, but when we were together it all seemed ok.

The old man coughed, making me jump and drop my bag. I looked over to him, he didn't sound like he was doing too well and I hoped he wasn't going to die.

He nodded at me even though I didn't ask him if he was ok and so I bent over to pick up my bag as I did so, I saw it, the perfect gift for the cat it was tucked away on one of the bottom shelves, but I knew it was made just for him.


	19. Inside My Head

**ohhh- the joys of citrus!**

**here is the next chapter, let me know what you think.**

**i don't own FB, and i dont make any money through this.**

I sat at my desk writing, the essay was arduous and boring, but it would earn me extra credit and it would feel better after doing it in the end. Every now and then I would drift off into a daydream strangely though there was nothing inside these little periods of absence that occurred, I was simply just staring off into space.

My hand ached from writing so intensely and I needed a rest, pushing my chair back I left to go and get some milk from the kitchen. On my way down stairs I passed Shigure who winked and smiled at me. There was no other exchange of words which struck me and seriously strange, and also very wrong. It was literally impossible for Shigure to see someone and not speak to them. It was in his genetic makeup to talk non-stop.

I uneasily came to the bottom of the stairs. I was becoming paranoid, everyone I saw and spoke to became a suspect. I thought they all knew, maybe they did, maybe they had already blabbed about mine and Yuki's 'relationship' and we were the last ones to know.

These thoughts were whirling around my head, making me dizzy and sending me into a haze. I needed to keep my wits about me. I took a deep breath and walked into the kitchen, Yuki sat at the table reading a book about the life cycle of exotic plants. I raised my eyebrow at his choice of literature; he looked up and smiled at me. I was nervous, Shigure could walk in at any moment, and although it was only a smile, it still felt dangerous, but it also seemed worth it.

I smiled back putting every ounce of feeling I had within me into it. When it seemed right I looked away, walked to the fridge and began to look for the milk, there was the communal milk, which was at the very front of the fridge, however Tohru bought me a bottle of milk to myself every day and so I was searching for that. I found the carton behind the rest of the shopping she had done. It was cold and I could hardly wait to drink it, closing the door and turning to get back to my room and back to work I was met by Yuki standing close by, holding out a glass for me to take.

I jumped almost dropping the carton, doing something like this in full view of whoever might enter the kitchen or drop by the house was terrifying to me. And he could see the fear in my face.

"It's ok; Shigure is in the shower he won't be down for at least half an hour yet." His voice was soft, he was whispering as though Shigure was just across the room.

"Oh...ok" I didn't know what to say back to him.

"i-i got you a glass...you should stop drinking out of the carton."

"uhm, thank you"

I took the glass from him and set it on the side opening the carton and poured a glass full, there was some milk left over so I put it back in the fridge and then took my drink up and sipped it. All the while we were looking at each other. Taking it down from my lips he still watched me and he began to giggle.

"what?"

He laughed a bit louder.

"what!?"

He raised his hand up to my mouth and ran his finger along my top lip.

"milk moustache" he stated affectionately.

"that's why I don't use glasses" I smiled at him.

I heard the front door open and Ayame shout hello, it was time to leave.

"I'll come and see you later, tonight" he whispered.

I nodded, yes. And left the room, passing Ayame on my way back up to my room.

"kyoncichi! Darling! Hello!"

"piss off Ayame" it was blunt and to the point.

"ha-ha! I love you too!"

As I climbed the stairs I heard Ayame scream Yuki's name and I imagined he was pouncing on him, I smiled after everything that had happened between us I still liked getting one over on Yuki, especially by leaving him with our annoying family members.

As I closed my bedroom door I sighed, remembering the work I yet had to do. It seemed like too much, I was tired and I had began to ache between my shoulder blades. I wanted to be outside and yet I didn't feel like I could face up to it. I took another deep breath and laid down on my bed, covering my eyes with my arm I let my thoughts run away with themselves.

Of course, I thought of Yuki, it was impossible for me not to now, he was everywhere and I was quite happy for him to be so. I had an image of him in my mind, I was addicted to it, every time I closed my eyes I saw him smiling at me, laughing with me, hugging me, sleeping beside me and curling up in my arms. At times it felt like he was actually there, I felt the brush of his fingers along my back, his hair tickling my face; I imagined running my hands over his skin. Of course to get to said skin, he would have to lose some of his clothes.

I imagined him removing them for me, me helping him take them off button by button revealing inch after inch of ivory skin pure and unblemished, in the colour of his flesh the reason for his name being what it was seemed apparent. In my dreams I reached out and touched him, the skin being as soft as it promised, I kissed it, ran my tongue along it, tasting him and he was sweet, beautiful. I grazed my teeth along it, biting lightly; causing purple bruises to form yet even these blotches could not mar Yuki's beauty, in fact in some ways they added to it. It gave him a strange kind of dishevelled air about him. Looking at him like this, this fictional Yuki I had created, I felt like I might die. and as the most private part of me began to harden I writhed around on my bed. This would be the second time today.

This part of me had lain dormant, in fact I thought maybe it didn't exist within me at all, but since I had discovered my feelings for the rat I found myself thinking more and more of him and what I could do to him, and his body.

Inside my head I unbuttoned his trousers, slipping them down his legs which were willowy and highly sensitive, I kissed my way along them, from the knee upwards, along his hips and then into his thigh. he inhaled quickly, almost violently and moaned my name he told me he loved me and what he wanted me to do to him.

My stomach quivered, and as I lay there on my bed, I knew I had to do it; I couldn't wait any longer for it. I unbuttoned my own trousers, not pulling them down, instead slipping my hand inside. I did not put underwear this morning and so my hardness was free inside my loose trousers, I ran my hand over it breathing heavier as I imagined Yuki doing these things to me. I slowly began to stroke myself as the images in my mind became more and more pornographic, I spread Yuki's legs and licked between them, kissing the flesh until I reached the most sensitive part of him.

I licked along his shaft which was larger than I expected, hard and straining, purpling at the tip. He told me how good it felt, told me to keep going. I swished my tongue over the tip causing him to grip the sheets of the bed we were on. This bed might have been mine, I'm not sure.

Leaving these images for a while I thought of what I was doing to myself with all of these fantasies I realized that I was ready to explode. I shivered, needing release so badly. I quickened my strokes feeling the dampness on my fingers and spreading it over my shaft. Orgasm began to build from deep in the pit of my stomach and tied my insides into knots.

In my mind's eye I saw Yuki coaxing me to climax, I felt him stroke me hard and quickly. Tingles ran along my spine erupting into my groin and my toes curled and clenched onto the sheets of the bed, biting my lip I squeezed my eyes closed. One final thought of Yuki, laid on my bed, face pink after everything we had just done to each other pushed me over the edge and I came I had to grit my teeth to stop myself from crying out as the climax assaulted my body, made me tremble and almost burst my heart.

When it was over, all of my muscles were relaxed and I sank into my bed. My breathing was still deep and laboured, but they ache that had worn me out beforehand had gone and I was tired but also motivated to finish my work. Although this was all completely new to me, I understood now why so many people like it and do it so often.

Looking back on it, it may have been naivety, maybe I was just innocent despite my years, but something was maturing in me. A certain kind of appetite that before Yuki may have disgusted me, but now I was learning to accept it, even if it was strange to me and I still felt strange for doing it.

Yuki was inside my head. And I was glad for him to stay there.


	20. In The Gentle Arms of Sleep

**so, here is the new chapter. the next one is going to be a songfic, i think. i'm going to start writing it now. anyways, enjoy, and let me know what you think.**

**i don't own FB, and i dont make any money from this....unfortunately.**

As soon as Kyo had left the room, my brother entered. I sighed, knowing what was coming. He shouted my name running towards me I was hugged tightly and gasped, trying to keep my anger with him inside.

"Hello, Ayame" it was a murmur, I had resorted myself to what was inevitable.

He paused, smiling at me broadly and I knew full well what was coming next.

"Brother! You didn't shout! I'm loved!!"

"No, you're not. I'm just tired" I sat back down in my chair, picking up my book and resuming my reading, or at least trying to.

Everybody knows the sensation you get when someone is watching you, staring at you intently, it's an irritation you can't ignore. I looked up from my book:

"What?"

He sat down on a chair beside me and he was suddenly calm.

"Nothing Yuki, just, are you ok?" he spoke in a soft tone, resting his chin on the palm of his hand. As much as I hated him, I had to admit that Ayame was beautiful.

"I'm fine." Anger was slowly overcoming me. My patience with Ayame had always been thin.

"There's something different about you Yuki" he never took his eyes away from mine. I didn't say anything; I just looked down at the table, prompting him to continue talking.

"You seem, more comfortable somehow. Something has made you happy-" It was spoken awkwardly. I bought my eyes up to meet his and he finished:

"I think"

I didn't know what to say. In many ways I had nothing to say. There was an awful feeling rising within me, it was sickness, fright and shame.

"I haven't changed Ayame, I'm the same as I've always been" I got up from my seat and walked towards the doorway, but before I could leave, he stopped me:

"Yuki-" I turned to face him. "I'm very happy for you"

My knees almost gave out from under me. He knew. It had to be Ayame who had seen us, he knew about me and Kyo.

I couldn't talk, so I had no answer for him again. I just left, shakily making my way up to my room. If Ayame knew, Shigure would too, and Hatori. Hatori might have told Momiji, Momiji told Haru and Haru told Tohru. My head fuzzed. On my way upstairs I passed Shigure and I felt sick immediately. Still I felt it necessary to talk to him.

"Ayame is in the kitchen" it was stoic, cold and it chilled me to the bone, yet Shigure seemed unfazed.

"Ah! Ayame my darling!!! I have missed you!"

I was almost sick, but I knew I was in no place to criticise. I just wanted to get to the relative safety of my room. As I reached to top of the stairs I looked to the right and saw the door to Kyo's room. It felt so strange knowing he was in there, behind a piece of wood that kept us separated. I wondered what he was doing. I wondered if he was thinking of me, and I hoped if he was, he was thinking positive thoughts.

I closed my door behind, leaning against it, I sighed although I felt like screaming. And went to sit on the edge of my bed. I had work to do yet it seemed out of my capabilities to do it. I was worn out, the stress and worry over who had seen us had taken its toll on me and I was near to breaking point.

People had always held me in a higher esteem than I deserved to be. They thought me perfect and completely in control of myself and of my life. But recently life had been running away from me. Ever since I realized I loved Kyo.

I smiled to myself as I thought of him. The beautiful cat whom I had hated for so long, and who I loved so intensely now, it was like I had loved him forever. I reclined onto my pillows lifting my arm over my head, and whilst doing so I smelled oranges, it was only a scent, but it was so symbolic of the cat that I almost felt like he was there. Of course there would be no substitute for him actually being there, this would be impossible, but it didn't stop me from wishing.

Thinking about him, as I laid there still shaken from my experience with Ayame I felt lightly soothed. Ayame was a difficult person at the best of times his ambiguity, which we had all inherited along with the Sohma curse, was challenging at the best of times.

I could have asked him why he was happy for me, but I was too scared to find out. I didn't want to face up to a truth which may or may not have been true.

God! The conversations he and Shigure would have about us! I wouldn't be surprised if we found ourselves the subjects of smutty novels. The thought alone was enough to make me bury my head in the pillows.

A loud tap at the door made me jump and caused my heart to thump again. Before I could answer my door flung open and Shigure appeared dressed in a suit.

"Yukiiiii! Me and Aya are going out-" he stopped in the doorway, "oh! Yuki! What have I caught you doing!? My my!" I glared at him and he stopped. Turning to leave he finished with:

"Oh..Yuki! Let Kyo know I've gone out-" he turned to look at me, "I'm sure you'll see him at some point"

It felt like I'd been hit over the head with a brick.

"Ok" I whimpered, my eyes wide.

As soon as the door closed down stairs I heard Kyo's door open his footfalls were heavy along the hall.

"What the hell was that about!?" he started shouting before he appeared around my door.

As soon as he saw my sprawled over my bed he stopped in his tracks.

"It was Ayame" I felt empty, even with him stood so close.

"What do you mean?"

"He was acting really weird in the kitchen, and I think he told Shigure"

"That's why he said that?" he was calm suddenly.

"Said what?"

"When he was leaving he said he was sure you would see me."

"Oh...yes...he did"

"How can you be so calm about this!?" his temper had flared again.

"I'm not Kyo, I'm just, so tired"

His tensed shoulders relaxed and he looked at me sympathetically.

"Can I lay with you?"

I looked up at him, seeing something in his expression that gave me butterflies in my stomach. I nodded. He closed the door behind him and pushed my desk chair under the handle. It looked like he was planning on staying for a while.

I shifted over towards the wall, making room for him. He walked over to me self-consciously looking at me as he brushed his hair from his face. He was beyond sitting and waiting for me to invite him to lie down, instead he just did it, he was still cautious though, in case I stopped him. Part of me wanted to shout at him that I never would. We both laid facing the ceiling in a comfortable silence. Kyo began to fidget a bit, moving his arm over to mine, he took up my hand and held it, squeezing lightly. I blushed immediately, any kind of physical contact with him made my heart beat faster and my stomach twist.

"Are you ok Yuki?" he spoke quietly, softly.

"Yes, I think so. I'm just worried."

"Me too" as he said it he clenched my hand tighter and finished:

"We'll be ok Yuki, we'll be fine"

His use of the word 'we' to describe us made my heart flutter. I curled into him, turning onto my side and dropping his hand, I wrapped my arm around his stomach. I place my head on his chest and I heard his quickening heart beat. It struck me then, something that shocked me and I didn't know why. Kyo was human. Through and though. He wasn't the cat, he was a person, a boy, or man, depending on how you looked at it, he was real. It hurt me to think of all of the things people in our family had said and done to him. He had been so mistreated. To think of how he must have been wounded every time he was told he was disgusting, how ugly he was. No matter what he transformed into, in his human state, he was beautiful.

His heart slowed to a steady rhythm and his breathing became slower but heavier. I looked up at him, he was sleeping.


	21. In Your Room

**can i just give a warning here.....for HEAVY sap. **

**the song is 'in your room' by depeche mode. i don't own it, i don't own fruits basket and i make no money from this.**

**let me know what you think.**

In your room  
Where time stands still  
Or moves at your will  
Will you let the morning come soon  
Or will you leave me lying here  
In your favourite darkness

His head rested on my chest, it felt like we had been here a million times, like this was everyday practice for us. I wished deep down that it was. For the first time in my life I felt contented, I took a deep breath in, closing my eyes and thanking whatever god was listening that I had him there with me.

When I awoke it was dark outside the curtains were not pulled so I could see the moon from Yuki's window, it seemed to shine brighter than usual. I looked down at him, He was still curled into me, his hands clawing into my shirt like he was frightened I was going to get up and run away. His hair was a mess that covered his eyes and the majority of his face; I could only just see his mouth which was relaxed and neither happy nor sad looking. Further down, his right leg had wrapped around my left one, so in theory he had wrapped himself around it. His slim thigh was pressed against my groin, which I tried so hard not to think about it. He was so peaceful.

I was ready to fall back to sleep, happy just to sleep the rest of the night in his room, knowing that nobody could walk in on us because I had blocked the door and Yuki was sound. But as I closed my eyes again, I heard footsteps creak past the door, and then:

"Oooh, Gure-san! Your hands are cold!"

My eyes flew open wide, and my ears pricked up. There was more to follow

"oh! Aya! Will you warm them for me?" what followed was a managerie of moans and sighs. Listening to them made me wonder what it would be like if Yuki and I did what they were so obviously, and so loudly doing. I could feel my cheeks heating and my pulse racing at the thought. While Shigure and Ayame made me feel ill, imagining Yuki, on top of me, straddling almost killed me as my heart felt like it was going to leap from my chest. I had to wake him up, get him to turn on some music so we could drown them out, or at least do something ourselves so we could ignore them. As the thought ran through my head I blushed at my own unintended innuendo, I didn't mean do something like 'that', although...

I stopped myself before I could continue my explicit train of thought. Running my fingers through his hair I whispered his name.

"Yuki?" my voice was more breathy then I thought it would have been. He didn't stir at all.

"Yuki" I tried again a bit louder and still nothing.

This time as I called his name I shook his shoulder and he stirred, I kept on adamant that he would wake up and endure this with me. Eventually, bright violet eyes through grey messy hair looked up at me. I almost melted back into the bed, there was something different about him when he woke this time, he didn't seem as angry as he usually was.

"what?" it wasn't a scowl or an angry statement, simply a question.

"listen" he went to question me again, but I silenced him.

After a few seconds more moans and sighs were heard through the walls. Even worse than before, there came a rhythmic banging on the floor.

His face contorted as he slowly realized what was happening next door.

"oh my god!"

"I know" I replied giving up all hope of getting those noises I was currently enduring out of my head.

"oh my god! Kyo! That's disgusting!" he sat bolt upright "that's my brother in there!"

"and both my cousins!" I added.

"eugh"

In truth I found his disgust quite funny, but I also understood it completely.

"what do we do?" he looked at me as if I had all of the answers.

"I don't know! I just didn't want to suffer it alone!"

He scowled at me and for a moment I felt all the old anger I used to feel well up inside me, I was about to shout at him, when even the thoughts inside my head were drowned out by an unusually loud scream of Shigure's name. #

I covered my eyes.

"oh...god....why are they doing this?"

Yuki said nothing. For a while there was only quiet, maybe, they had finished.

"I think it's over" Yuki said, shuffling so he could lie down again but he was interrupted by a muffled cry from the next room.

"what are they doing to each other!?" I almost pleaded.

"like you don't know" he replied

We looked at each other, although there was little light I could see his face was red. Sitting up I shuffled closer to him, so we sat facing just centimetres apart. I looked deep into his eyes, knowing I would love him in one way or another for forever. He stared back at me, and in the low light of the night. In that small room, suddenly all my fears were gone. I lifted my hand to cup the side of his face, then ran my fingers through his hair, it was so soft, I could do it forever.

"you're so beautiful" the words had left my mouth before I had even thought about saying them.

"I'm not" he lowered his eyes. He looked shamed.

"you are, Yuki. So, so beautiful"

"no, I'm not. I've heard people say it so many times now that those word have lost any meaning. It's all lies anyway. I'm not beautiful"

I dropped my hand from his hair to his hand and squeezed it gently. Looking back on it, the word I would say next would have needed some nerve, even though at the time it didn't feel like I did.

"Yuki, I think, in some way, after everything that has happened between us- I know you in some way other than anyone else. I know you in a way that you don't allow other people to. Right?"

He looked up at me, and nodded shyly.

"and so, I think, because I really really know you, I know you're beauty. When I say it I don't mean in it in the same way those people do. I mean it in only a way I can mean it."

His eyes widened, and I noticed them welling up. I tried not to be deterred though, I was on a roll, and I needed to tell him everything before I realized what it was I was actually saying.

"when I say you're beautiful, it's because I know the feel of your arms around me, and because I know how you snore when you sleep, and how-" my nerves, that had seemed to have been asleep suddenly woke up in me, but I knew I had to finish. "and because I know how the moon is, upon your face. This is why I think you are beautiful"

The whole speech didn't sound at all like me. But it was me, and it was all true. I looked down from him, afraid of his reaction. He dropped my hand, and I knew I had said something stupid. Ready for the onslaught, I was shocked when he pulled my chin, so I was looking up at him. He was crying freely, but I could see in his face he was not sad.

As he let his hand drop, I lifted mine to wipe away his tears, to stop them from marring his perfect face.

"you're so beautiful" I tried again, my own voice croaking from emotion.

He nodded lightly, I smiled, knowing my words had sunk in. On this night of bravery, I had one last thing I wanted to do. I swallowed deeply, so lost in him that I felt I could happily never find myself again. I slid my hand down from his cheek to rest on his neck, the skin was soft and smooth, exactly how I expected. I began to lean closer to him, slowly closing the small gap between us, and it seemed that Yuki understood too, as he came closer to me.

I closed my eyes, and I can only guess he copied. I felt his breath on me, on my skin, covering me in bursts, it made my skin tingle I only ever wanted him to be the one to do this to me. We edged even slower in the last few millimetres between us. But the gap was closed, and our lips touched. The warmth, the damp all washed over me in a whir, it was dizzying. His hand found my hair and gripped as we shared our first chaste kiss.

The taste of him overwhelmed me, and as the kiss broke of it's own accord, we still stayed close to each other, breathing each other's air and feeding off each other's energy. I could feel him moving, but I could not opened my eyes. He came in close to my ear and whispered:

"I love you, Sohma Kyo"

my skin prickled, and I slowly opened my eyes to find him close to me again, his eyes were all I could see. Yuki, the rat, my cousin, all of this madness, was suddenly the only thing that made sense in the world.

"I- I love you too."

I'm hanging on your words  
Living on your breath  
Feeling with your skin  
Will I always be here?


	22. Sail to the Moon

**i dont own fruits basket.....**

There was a strange kind of ambiance that night, it was dark, the room was still, and as I sat looking deep into the eyes of my flame haired cousin, I felt like I was starring an a surrealist film. I knew, however that what was happening now was real, one hundred per cent.

My breath wasn't so much heavy as just made up of deep sighs. He lifted his hand to rest upon my shoulder, it seemed as if he was asking permission to hug me, I could not coax him, I could not talk, he had knocked my voice out of me.

The past few moments had been full of moments that would shape and change my life forever, and I think something in me changed how I thought of myself to some extent too. He had called me beautiful, a lot of people had. Beauty was something that didn't really exist within me anymore, or so I believed. The Sohma family had always been stunning and enigmatic people and I truly believed that all of the attention I got at school was to do with the colour of my hair, or my cold persona. I didn't believe in my own personal beauty, when I was called beautiful I always thought they were wrong, naive. Kyo didn't believe this. The speech he had given me had made me cry, it went against everything Akito had ever told me about myself, and the way Kyo spoke, his tone of voice, allowed me to believe him completely. My eyes burned from the tears and my body felt weak from the surge of emotion that overcame me, overcame us both. I leant forwards, pressing our foreheads together and closing my eyes, I needed to sleep, but I didn't want him to leave.

"Kyo" it was nothing more than a whimper.

"yes?" he didn't move away from me.

"will you stay here tonight? The door's blocked, no one can come in."

After a moment's hesitance he said:

"yes, of course I will, of course."

We both sat back from each other, I needed to get changed for bed. I realized then that the cat would have nothing to wear. Too nervous to question him, through fear of sounding crude I just got up and walked over to my wardrobe, my bed clothes were folded on a shelf. As I undid the buttons on my shirt I tried to hide behind the small doors of the cupboard, somewhat unsuccessfully.

Kyo was sat in exactly the same position he had been when I got up, only his eyes had followed me, and were glued to me as I changed. Although I felt uncomfortable, they were setting my skin on fire, I could felt them on me and every part of me blushed.

Kyo:

He walked away from me, I couldn't help but watch him as he went. He was looking for clothes in his wardrobe. When he found them he took them out and placed them at the foot of his bed. He began to unbutton his shirt, I think he was trying to hide himself, but it didn't work, I could see him and everything he was doing, every inch of flesh that every shakily undone button revealed.

I could feel my heart racing, beating ferociously. He turned to look at me, he looked embarrassed, uncomfortable yet nothing in his eyes told me to stop looking, and I don't think I could have if I wanted to. He slipped the shirt off of his shoulders and dropped it into his laundry basket. I took the full view of him in as he stood there staring back at me, at times like these there was no need whatsoever for words. His hands snaked down his front to the buttons of his trousers. I couldn't help but get the feeling that he was putting on some kind of show for me now, as the intensity of his stare doubled. I wished I had a camera. Images of him like this would fill my head forever, I could see almost every bit of him, but at the same time I couldn't. The light prevented me from doing so.

As his stare burned through me, he slipped buttons undone, the linen fabric slipped over his slim hips revealing a light coloured pair of boxers shorts, I couldn't pick out the exact shade. He let go of his trousers and they fell to the floor in a crumpled pile.

Once again, if a bomb went off outside I wouldn't look away, I couldn't . I had seen Yuki naked before, so many times. I never paid any attention at all to it, but now I drank him in. He looked down at the floor and seemed almost ashamed. Picking up his pyjama bottoms from the end of the bed he awkwardly slipped them on. I missed seeing the luminescence of his skin, there was still his chest, he beautiful chest he went to pick up his shirt, I couldn't bear to lose the sight of his torso, and so I did the only thing I could that I knew would stop him.

I left where I was sitting and walked over to him, trying not to look as nervous as I felt. I was unintentionally treading lightly, my bare feet cold on his carpet. He looked at me, turning to me knowing what I was going to do, I wrapped my arms around him, feeling his warm skin under my hands, I sighed. Life worked in such strange ways. It was so wonderful to be able to hug someone so fully, so deeply without worrying about what would happen, whether I would transform. Having arms around me felt slightly alien, but not in a bad way at all. The kiss had thrown us both off kilter yet unknowingly to us yet, it had broken down barriers that we didn't know stood between us. I broke the hug, he looked at me uncertainly so I smiled I stepped around him, in the only way I knew to get him to go and sit down, thankfully he understood.

He didn't walk, so much as drift over to his bed. He sat on the edge for a while and then laid down, where he had been when I woke up. He seemed so innocent at times like this that I almost felt guilty to have thought things about him like I had done two times that day. I felt my face reddening at the memories. But movement pulled me out of my reflection. He was sliding under the covers, ready for sleep. I smiled, somewhat comforted that I was obviously the only one having such thoughts.

I lifted my shirt over my head, conscious of him watching me as I had him. My skin was somewhat darker than his was, a little more healthy looking. Yet it lacked the stunning attractiveness his did. I thought about taking my trousers off, to sleep in my underwear and then suddenly becoming aware of wearing no underwear. I was not ready to do something like that yet. So I stayed as I was.

I climbed into bed next to him, his body had heated the bed and upon curling up to him, I realized how cold I had been when standing undressing. I sighed deeply, he wrapped his arms around me, there was no shirt to cling to this time, yet he didn't seem to need one.

"Kyo..." his voice was cracking, tired and whispery .

"yeah?"

"thank you"

I didn't understand what he meant.

"what for?"

"just.....being ...you"

"uhm.....ok....I guess" I was going to continue to say something, to ask him what he meant and tell him he didn't l need to thank me. But he was already asleep, his face relaxed and his breathing deepening.

We slept, skin against skin, connected and tangled together, our limbs becoming one in some places. I knew Yuki sleeps well anyway, but I had not slept like I did for years. for years my sleep had been fitful and frequently interrupted by terrors, or insomnia. But that night I was lost in a deep and dreamless sleep.


	23. FEAR

**i like this chapter. it ends on a biiiiiiiig cliffhanger too. let me know what you think! reviews are so thin on the ground atm...and i kinda rely on them to know what direction to take the story in, so anything is appreciated. **

**i dont own fruits basket, and i dont earn any money from this.**

Yuki's alarm clock woke me. Afraid to open my eyes and see how long I had overslept, I waited until he called my name to wake me. I was curled up close to him, in the position he was normally in. I opened my eyes slowly, looking up at him. He was blurry eyed and only semi-conscious.

"hello" even in this state he was more well spoken than I was.

"hey" it was more of a grunt than anything else. I couldn't figure out why I was in his room, I thought back to the previous night, remembering what happened, the kiss, and my speech about beauty. I realized now how embarrassing it was, and I burrowed my face into his chest as if I could hide from the memories.

I was going to say something about it, try and make a clever remark. But I heard footsteps outside of his room. People were awake and walking around, how would I make it outside without being seen? I had left my door open when Shigure and Ayame left last night. People would know I wasn't in. Would they know I was in bed with Yuki? There was a tap on the door.

"Sohma-kun?" it was Tohru.

"it's ok Honda-san, I'm awake."

"ok. I'll see you in a minute"

He didn't seem at all phased by this.

"what was all that about?" I sounded like I was getting a cold.

"what?" he was completely oblivious.

"the knock on the door....what if she came in?"

"she never does...she just makes sure I'm awake." I didn't know what to say to that, so I ignored it. Looking up at him I noticed he had woken up slightly. His eyes seemed wider and his features more human.

" I need to get up" I said to myself.

"I wish we could stay in bed all day, it looks cold outside."

"me too" I sighed. "but I need to leave, and I need to find a way of getting out of here without being seen."

"listen at the door like you did in the bathroom."

He was right, I did do that in the bathroom. It just made me nervous to think that this wasn't on my own terms. That I was here almost by mistake, although I had agreed to stay. I did not regret my decision to spend the night with him, but in my comfort and my unusual feelings of belonging, I slept past the time that was safe for me to leave. Although I was worried about making my escape, and although I knew I would be late for school, I still laid with my head on his chest. Listening to his heart beat, the blood rush around his body. Feeling his warm hands on the skin of my back, tracing circles around my shoulders making me tremble lightly.

I could still feel the trace of him on my lips, I thought maybe I could still taste him. But his presence was definitely there, lingering on me, and I was glad for it to stay there.

"I need to get up" I repeated. I didn't think there was enough strength within to actually do what I was telling myself to, but he started to shift around as if trying to sit up and I took it as a silent hint to move. I heaved myself up into a sitting position, making me lose some of the covers. I was chilled, my torso immediately covered in Goosebumps. I looked back at him pleadingly.

"what?" he didn't even blink.

"it's cold"

"I can't do anything about that" I was stunned at his lack of compassion, so much so that I had no witty or sarcastic remark to make, I simply got up.

Racing over to where my shirt was I stopped dead in my tracks when I heard Shigure through the wall.

"ne! Aya! You need to wake up!"

"ohhhh but Gure-San, you wore me out so much!" I cringed and turned to Yuki, who looked like he was about to throw up.

"come on Aya! You'll miss Tohru-san's gorgeous breakfast!"

"but I think you broke me! You shouldn't be so rough! I'm sore!"

I felt light headed from repulsion. Still looking at Yuki, I noticed him turning a strange colour.

"we really need to say something to them about that" I squeezed the words out.

"and that would look great wouldn't it, not suspicious at all" his voice was trembling.

" Shigure's room is in the middle of ours...we both could have heard it."

He nodded. This was true and totally feasible.

I heard Shigure's door open and two sets of footsteps walk out, along the hall and downstairs. It was my chance to escape.

"I'll see you later" my heart was thumping and I think it was audible in my voice.

"Kyo..." he seemed uncertain.

"yeah?"

He didn't answer, he just walked over to me, seeing him in his boxers had an immediate and embarrassing effect on me. He leant close to me and kissed me on the cheek. I was shocked and blushed immediately.

"uhm, thank you" I didn't know what else to say, so I simply left.

As I entered my room I felt slightly relieved, I was coping well with all of the madness that had occurred recently, what had just happened however, was a little too close for comfort and had left me feeling uneasy.

I dressed and left for an uneventful day at school.

/'/'/'/'/'/'/'/'/'/'/'/'/'/'/'/'/'/'/'/'/'/'/'/'/'/'/'/'/

Upon returning home that night I couldn't help but wish for the rest of the day to be equally uneventful, I didn't know that my wish would not be answered.

Tohru, Yuki, and I all walked home together. The weather was as cold as it had looked through the pane of Yuki's window and a icy wind blew in short bursts. I had left my coat at home that morning, my head not being where it should be and I was now suffering as a consequence. I looked at Tohru and Yuki, wrapped up in coats, scarves and gloves, I was jealous, and freezing to the bone.

"are you sure you wouldn't like my scarf Kyo?" if only it was Yuki asking this, I would have snatched it away at once, alas, it was Tohru.

"no. I'm fine. Thank you" my answer was short, growled.

She looked wounded, peering at me from over the collar of her coat. Beyond her I could see Yuki, also looking at me. He looked concerned but also smug.

"it's his own fault for forgetting it Honda-san. You shouldn't make yourself cold just for him" the words pierced right through me, stabbed me like a knife.

"ah....well-" she tried to defend me, I think, but I cut her short.

"well if you hadn't-!" I stopped myself, knowing how much trouble I would get us both in.

"if he hadn't what?" Tohru asked, so innocently.

"if he hadn't been such a pain in the ass this morning, making me forget everything because he was winding me up so much, I might have thought to bring it with me"

It was truly the best I could come up with, and mildly acceptable. She looked down at the floor. The rest of our walk was in silence.

As we arrived home Tohru went straight to the kitchen after hearing Ayame shout hello, upon hearing said person say hello Yuki disappeared quickly upstairs. I was taking off my shoes, not feeling any need to rush, struggling with a lace I leant against a wall with my foot across my leg. I began to growl at it, I was interrupted though, by Shigure clearing his throat. Looking up, I saw him stood authoritively in front of me.

"what?"

"Kyo-kun! That's no way to say hello"

There was silence for a while, and upon realizing he wasn't going to get any other kind of hello, he continued:

"Tori-san came over today" he was suddenly serious.

My stomach turned thinking of the things all three of them could have done during the day.

"and what?"

"aaaand.....he said that......that....Akito wants you to come over to the main house for Christmas."

The world was pulled from under my feet, shock, despair, sickness, fear and a twinge of happiness erupted into me at once.

"I'm not going" I tried to push past him, having successfully removed my shoe. But he stopped me, forcing me back into a corner.

"you have no choice, Kyo-kun"

"I am NOT going" fear gave way to fury, and I was ready to explode, as I was about to smash a door through, Shigure took a step toward me and whispered, in a tone of voice I had never heard before, and in a way I'll never forget:

"but Kyo-kun. Yuki would want you to go"

**gahhhh!!!!! shigure! you dastardly dog you!**


	24. This Mess We're In

**i can't believe it was shigure!!! i'm hoping to move things along a little bit more quickly with this story now....and we shall deal with christmas within the next few chapters.**

**let me know what you think**

**i dont own fb and i don't make any money from this.....**

"but Kyo-kun. Yuki would want you to go"

I felt all of the colour drain from my face. There few times in life when you can feel your mind whirling, because it doesn't know how to cope with the situation. Before this, I had never experienced it. There was a quiver in my stomach, my knees shook and my mouth dried.

"w-w- I don't understand what you mean" my voice shook and I sounded small, terrified.

"I think me and you need to have a talk, don't we Kyo-kun?"

I didn't answer, just closed my eyes as if it was some futile attempt to pretend the whole thing wasn't happening. I was quaking. Was he going to confront Yuki? Had he already done so?

"come with me." There was something in his voice that sounded like this was someone other than Shigure.

We walked along to his study, not coming across anyone on the way. In those few steps along the hallway, I had a short amount of time to figure out what I was going to do. I could admit to everything, go mad, smash the house up and run away. This would be a lose/lose situation, I would lose Yuki, Shigure would lose his house, and all respect for me, and Yuki would lose me and his home. I could flatly deny everything, a safer option, but a lot less likely to work. Before I could come up with a third idea, we arrived. He walked in, not bothering to look back to make sure I was following. He sat behind his desk, a low rise table, a little smaller than our dining table, and in exactly the same style, I sat opposite, as far away from him as possible and as close to the door I could get without actually being outside of it.

He waited a few minutes before talking, instead fiddling with pieces of paper on his desk, I felt like I was at the head master's office about to be expelled.

"I have to say, I wasn't expecting this at all Kyo-kun! You really never fail to surprise me" his voice was somewhat lighter than I expected it to be. After not receiving an answer, he continued:

"this will cause problems however"

"so it was you?" I interrupted him, the question had been burning in the back of my head since he had confronted me.

"what was me?" he pulled that face, the one that made me want to punch him.

"who.....who...walked in on...us"

"oh! Oh...no.....no Kyo-kun, that was not me."

My eyes grew wider, my heart pulsed faster, and I felt like I was in a dream.

"then who-" he cut my question short.

"as I said, this is going to cause problems Kyo"

I glared at him not prepared to talk to him anymore.

"I'm keeping this to myself for now." He looked me dead in the eye. "I'm not telling you who to have feelings for, and I know I'm not one to talk when it comes to lectures about sleeping with your cousin."

Memories of the noises from his room came flooding back, it was even more nauseating while I was sat with him in person.

"but I have to say, Yuki, is not the best person to go for. Someone within the family will just cause you pain in the end, I say this because I care about you Kyo." He paused as if he wasn't sure what he was going to say.

"on the other hand, I know how you feel. I know the strange acceptance you get from each other. So at the same time as warning you, I also want to say I'm pleased for you. Genuinely. And my best wishes are with you both"

This kind of talk was so alien to me that I almost couldn't understand what he was saying.

"you need to come to the main house for Christmas. If not for Akito or me, come for Yuki. He could do with the support. And keep the relationship to yourselves for now."

I got up, understanding he was finished. But then I remembered something.

"Shigure."

"yes?"

"will you and Aya keep it down....you almost made me sick last night"

He laughed, back to the Shigure that infuriated me.

"I'll try...but I'm just that good!"

Rolling my eyes, I escaped as fast as I could.

My stomach was turning and my body was giving out. I needed to sit down, to think about how serious this was getting. I needed to rest. Shakily, I made my way upstairs, suddenly my whole life had been turned upside down and nothing was certain anymore. As I reached my room, I closed the door behind me, leaning against it and sliding to the floor.

There was a burning in my eyes that I hadn't experienced in such a long time that I didn't recognise it immediately, not until a tear escaped down my face. As soon as I recognised it for what it was I felt scared, I had spent so many years in a state void of any other emotion than blind anger. I was not ready for so many states of being entering my life in such a short time, I now felt love, happiness, and belonging it was overwhelming, especially now the majority of those feelings had been taken over by fear, a feeling I was used to, but not in this way.

I pulled my knees up to my chest, wrapping my arms around them, trying to make myself small, hoping to disappear. I needed to talk to Yuki, needed to tell him what I had just learned, tell him about Christmas and ask him what he thought. I needed his comfort, his arms around me, his reassurance. I needed his presence. The was something within me however that wouldn't let me move, something that prevented me from breathing a little.

My world was slowly slipping away from me, life as I knew it had changed forever and there was nothing I could do about it, there was no way I could go back to being how I was, to being myself.

I felt robbed somehow. Like when I had discovered Yuki, I had inherited the world, with him by my side I was the richest man in the world. yet Shigure knowing felt like he had stolen it from me. I was now the poor whimpering tramp I had been before, only now I was worse off. I had tasted the best thing in the world, I had the memories.

I cried and cried. Silently, draining my eyes of all the liquid they could produce, salty tears dampening my shirt and my face no doubt becoming stained.

I sat there, counting the seconds as they ticked by. Yuki was along the hall, in his room where we had both slept last night, where we shared our first kiss. I longed to be in that room with him, I wanted to kiss him again, to forget the world outside and lose myself in him.

After thinking over it for what felt like hours, I decided to go, it was either to see him, or to go and sit on the roof. The weather was too cold for the roof, and so Yuki was the best option.

I vowed to myself that I wouldn't let him see me like this. To him I always wanted to appear strong, able to control myself and my emotions. So I sat bolt straight, took deep breaths, closed my eyes and tried to halt my tears. It took a while, it seemed I was making up for all my years devoid of crying. I had crumbled, and before I left the room I would have to build myself back up again.

I picked myself up off the floor, as a stood my head pulsed, a headache from crying swelled in my brain. I took a sharp breath, swaying on my feet. Wiping my eyes one last time I straightened out my clothes. I knew I looked awful and I knew he would question me as soon as I entered the room, but I just needed to be near him.

I left the room, my door feeling heavier than usual. My whole body was weary, arms aching, lungs sore. My feet burned by the soft carpet, I reached his door, as I went for the handle, the bathroom door opened and Shigure appeared.

He wasn't surprised to see me where I was, he didn't shout in a stupid voice, or even in an angry way. We just stood for a while looking at each other, as I realized he was going to stay silent, I opened Yuki's door and walked in, I saw him still standing watching me as I closed it, there was something in Shigure that was not himself.

Yuki was sat at his desk, and as soon as I entered he turned around.

"oh my god Kyo! What's wrong?" seeing him. Seeing the concern in his face, the genuine worry bought back my tears in streams even stronger than before. Without me even seeing him, he got up from his chair, he was near me, and his arms were held out to me.

I don't think I even had a choice, my body collapsed into him. His arms were around me, tightly pulling me close to him, sheltering me from whatever it was that had made me so upset. I rested my hands on his chest, letting him hold me. My knees gave out from under me, and although he held me up, and could do with ease, we both sank to the floor.

He sat on his knees, and I was huddled into him in an uncomfortable position, clinging to his jumper, sobbing at him. He ran his fingers through my hair, and spoke to me in velvet tones.

"it's ok Kyo-kun, it's ok, you'll be alright" over and over again in whispers. Slowly he was soothing me, every bit of worry that had built up within me was slowly being melted away by him. I felt him rest his chin on my head, his strong hands on my back. And although it made me feel vulnerable and small, it also made me feel safe.

"what happened?" his voice was a whisper, soft and comforting.

"it's Shigure." It was muffled, just a grumble.

"what has he done?"

I pulled away, looked up at him. His eyes were wide and there was a sheen in them like he too would be crying in a minute.

"it's him.....he knows about us, Yuki."

"oh" there was a silence. "and he told you?"

I nodded. "and he's known for a while I think. And there's something else." The tears came back with the next thought.

"Akito wants me to come to the main house for Christmas"

"Akito knows" he said exactly what I was thinking, and yet I had been too scared to admit it even to myself. My tears were still flowing. He pulled me close again.

"it's ok Kyo. It'll be ok." He kept on trying to comfort me, but now that thought was out in the air, there was a piece of me that could not help thinking what was going to happen to me when Akito got his claws into me.

I pulled away from him, looking him deep in the eyes, he was worth all of this, he was worth everything I would have to suffer because of our relationship. It would be worth it.

I leant close to him, quicker than I intended to, and I pressed my lips to his. This was the contact I needed to heal me. He didn't flinch as I expected him to. Instead he kissed me back harder than I thought he ever would.

It seemed natural to deepen the kiss. I felt him breathing, the life passing from him to me, his energy into me. I snaked my tongue out, tasting salt from my tears and ran it along the silk softness of his lips. He let out a soft moan. His mouth was then open to me, and as I wrapped my arms around him our tongues met. He tasted so unique, something that only Yuki could be, and there was always a hint of strawberry.

His hands gripped my shoulders, he moaned again, a sigh right into me. His air in my lungs. It was a feeling so unusual to me that it almost scared me. But the heat of his mouth was addictive. My face burned from my crying, but no tears fell anymore. As we scrambled to get closer to each other, our kiss deepened and deepened. He would be worth it.

I pulled away, gasping for breath, my arms still around him, his hands still fisted in my shirt. His face was pink, his eyes tired and his lips damp.

"I love you" I choked out. "I love you kuso nezumi"


	25. Take Me Down

**hmm....christmas presents.....i was going to have a link to show you what kyo is making yuki, if you would like one let me know, and i'll post it with the next chapter. i more detailed description of the gifts will follow when they give them to each other. **

**the song is 'take me down' by the smashing pumpkins.**

**i don't own fruits basket, or 'take me down' and i don't make any money from this. **

Take my hand, I lost where I began  
In my heart I know all of my faults  
Will you help me understand  
And I believe in you  
You're the other half of me  
Soothe and heal...  
When you sleep, when you dream, I'll be there if you need  
Whenever I hear you sing...

I woke in his arms. He was sat with his back against his door, looking down upon with tired eyes. Although worn, and obviously uncomfortable, he had let me fall asleep, he had let me cling to him in a fitful slumber. When he noticed I had woken up he smiled gently, he ran his arm down my back as if I was in cat-form and he was petting me.

"I'm sorry" I whispered.

"what for?" his voice was somewhat stronger than my own.

"for falling asleep, I don't even remember it."

"it's ok, you obviously needed it. But can we move to the bed now?" there was something a little menacing in his smile, and I realized he was having a dig at me.

"bastard" I couldn't even swear at him convincingly anymore. Ii got to my feet, feeling a little less unstable than I had been earlier.

My clothes were crumpled, my hair a mess and my eyes still stinging, but I had that light feeling. The kind you only get after having a huge crying fit. I felt a little better in short. I held my hand out to him and he took it, I was startled at the icy cold feel of his skin on mine.

"are you ok?" maybe he was ill or something.

"yes. Why?"

"you're so cold" he was now on his feet but I still held his hand.

"the floor isn't the warmest place in the house. I'll be ok when I'm in bed."

I had to accept that Shigure's house wasn't the warmest.

"you should have woken me" I grumbled, but he didn't answer.

I presumed nervously that I was invited to stay the night, and as I watched him awkwardly get changed for bed, I knew I would go to the main house for Christmas. He looked too thin and wiry to defend himself against whatever they would throw at him, even though I knew more than most he was more than capable.

He climbed into bed, once again lying close to the wall. Leaving room for me. My heart skipped a beat as I removed my school uniform. I was wearing underwear today, thank the gods, and so I didn't need to sleep in the most uncomfortable clothes I owned.

I slid into bed next to him, for the first time not hesitating to lie down. He had left his night shirt off, maybe because he liked the contact of the skin like I had done. I pulled the covers over us both, wrapping my bare arms around him trying to charge him with my heat.

He curled up close to me, our faces millimetres apart on the pillow, his eyes were closed and I guessed he was already drifting into a lull. I leant in near to him and kissed him lightly on the lips, thankful that now I could do so and not be scared. In response he squirmed in closer to me, our legs were tangled and our bodies were as one.

**************************************************************************************************************************

When I woke he was gone. The bed felt big without him. Yet there was a strange familiarity to it, I had after all slept in the same bed for years, all alone. I stretched my aching muscles. Today was Saturday and there had been no need to set my alarm clock. It was bright outside and so it must have been late morning. I had something I needed to do today that I couldn't forget.

I showered, once again using kyo's soap. The scent seemed a bit more intense than yesterday but nevertheless I breathed it in as much as I could. There was a part of me, deep inside that wished Kyo was in the shower with me, that I had his naked skin against mine, his hands washing the soap away, his lips kissing the drips of water away from my eyes. I shuddered. Thoughts like this were new to me, and not wholly accepted as a good thing. There were times though, when I couldn't stop them from entering my head.

I towelled dry and went to get dressed. Looking at the shirt I had chosen, I felt a little queasy. It was a gentle orange. I tried to assure myself it was a coincidence, and that nobody would guess the probable unconscious relation between it and Kyo. As I exited the bathroom I felt on edge. I knew I would have to see Shigure sooner or later, but I would have preferred later. He was not there. Making my way downstairs, I was prepared to go straight out of the front door, I was caught however, by Ayame.

"brother! Good morning!"

"hello" once again I just could not be bothered to shout at him

"Tohru has saved you some breakfast" he seemed somewhat subdued than normal. I couldn't help but wonder if he knew as well.

I didn't answer him, I just walked to the kitchen. Tohru was sat talking to Shigure and Kagura. She looked up at me and beamed.

"good morning Sohma-kun!"

"hello Honda-san" at least she knew how to be polite.

"kyo-kuuuun!" Kagura was out of her seat, and wrapped around me faster than my brain could cope with.

She hugged me tight, as was her custom. I was spared the kind of attack the Kyo usually had to endure, but her hugs were hardly the most gentle.

She pulled away suddenly, looking at me as if something was wrong.

"what is it?" I questioned.

Her face contorted, and suspicion seemed to rise about her like a cloud.

"you smell like Kyo"

I almost died. Of course she would know the smell of his soap, she could probably smell him on me from where we had slept together the previous night.

"no, I don't you're imaging it. Why would I want to smell like that" I almost convinced myself, until my eyes caught Shigure's who stared at me seriously. The comment fortunately seemed to bypass everyone else in the room.

"Honda-san, I'm sorry, but I have to go shopping. Is it ok if I eat later?" I needed to escape. Quickly.

"of course! Make sure you eat something soon though Sohma-kun, or else you might faint!" she was so considerate, I knew how she felt for Kyo, I felt guilty for a moment.

Turning on my heel, I left, pleased to be away from anyone who could hassle me.

************************************************************************************************************************************

I hunched over the pile. I was cutting perfect squares from light pastel shades of paper. 28 piles of five squares. It was excruciating, but it was for him. I had prepared fully, paperclips and glue on hand, today I would make yuki's present.

A kusudama flower ball looks intricate but is simple once learned. I always made extra flowers though, for I was clumsy and my hands were not the most articulate. Things always went wrong. I was deeply surprised I could even make this. As I began to fold the first petal I paused. Yuki had gotten up and gone out, I wondered if he was thinking of me. Thinking about us, and how we slept so well together. I smiled, looking at the good nine hours work I had in front of me. He was worth it.

**************************************************************************************************************************************

I found myself outside the jeweller again, in the harsh light of midday winter sun it seemed even more small and unkempt than before, but inside it was a treasure trove.

A bell chimed as I entered, and the old man shuffled out of a door neat the back, he saw me and smiled, in a croaky voice he welcomed me:

"Sohma-san! Good morning"

I was shocked that he remembered my name, but there was a part of me that thought I may have been the only customer he had had all week. he disappeared back from where he had come. There was a lot of banging and clanging and eventually he reappeared with a small box.

He looked proud.

"it was a difficult job, it isn't normally possible." He grumbled, handing it to me.

Taking the lid off, I found the bracelet I had purchased. It was as stunning as I first thought, and turning it over I saw my request perfectly accomplished. A 'y' and a 'k' engraved in my own handwriting, joined together by a swirled hyphen.

"it's beautiful" I looked up at the man who was grinning widely. "you are fantastic, thank you!"

My words seemed like gold to him as he nodded his head.

"thank you young man!"

I wished deep down that more people would come to the shop, he deserved to make a decent living especially as he was so talented.

After paying, I left the shop with the box in a paper bag. There was a chill in the air and it cut right through all of my clothes. There was a forecast that it was going to snow. As I looked up to the sky, and saw heavy looking clouds overhead I considered my name. Yuki. Snow. We used to be so alike until Kyo 'happened'. I used to be as cold as my name, as frosty, and as pale, (the majority of times I was around him I was bright red).

In terms of snow I was melting, and every fibre of me was thankful.

There's a sun, it'll come, the sun, I hear them call me down  
I held you once, a love that once, and life had just begun  
And you're all I see...  
And the trumpets blew, and angels flew to the other side  
And you're all I see, and you're all I need  
There's a love that God puts in your heart


	26. Reassurance

**Sorry this took so long. i've been swamped with university work. here is the next chapter, let me know what you think. **

I shopped around for a couple of hours looking for presents for the rest of the family. I stopped for the breakfast that I had missed earlier on. And I went to buy some wrapping paper for kyo's gift.

.;.;.;.K;.;.;.Y;..;.;.;O.;.;.;.

I sat surrounded by various types of wrapping paper, almost every kind they sold in at the shop. I couldn't find the right one while I was out, and so I bought a selection of them. I felt quite silly as I looked down at the small box, it was all I had to wrap. Said box was purple velvet, the inside was of the same material only cushioned to fill it out. Kyo's bracelet was wrapped in a piece of silver silk. Realizing the similarities between the colours in myself, I couldn't help but wonder if the man in the shop did it deliberately.

I had cornered myself in completely, no escape was possible without trampling all of the expensive papers. I had done this on purpose, when it came to wrapping presents, I was a procrastinator of the highest kind. I held the box over each sheet of paper, comparing the colours, the contrast. As I looked at each of them, I groaned, remembering all of the ribbons I had bought to finish off the gift. Eventually, after trying each paper twice, I selected a handmade black cotton, which was thick and highly textured. I wrapped the box carefully as if it were a bomb that would explode if I shook it too hard. As I sorted all of the left over pieces of paper into a pile and slid them under my bed for safe keeping, I got up and walked across the room.

In my desk drawer was a plastic bag filled with gift ribbons. Determined not to spend as long as I had on choosing the paper I pulled out a reel without looking, it was a sheer pale blue and I smiled. At least it would go with the black.

As I slipped the present under my bed near the wall, looking completely finished and a bit overdone, I thought to myself that once again I had completely over prepared.

My fingers ached. I had been working like a machine making single petal after petal. I looked at them all heaped on my desk and then down at my paper cut, glue-covered hands and I prayed that this would make him happy. I had been somewhat delayed that morning, I had started early, cutting the squares of paper, putting them into sets of five making sure they were perfect, but as I looked at them I realized something was not quite right, there was something missing.

After thinking for about an hour it hit me, and although I wasn't sure I'd thank myself for it, I sought out my ink pen from my school bag and began to write.

And so I found myself here now, swamped with pieces of paper that needed to be put together and then constructed into a ball. I had taken more care in what I was making than I normally did. The things I usually made were just to keep me occupied. Nobody knew that I did them, they didn't even know I could. But it seemed that the flowers were expertly folded, exquisite care taken on each one of them. It was true. I decided it was time for a break. As I looked away from them, I felt momentarily dizzy. The mixture of colour and writing that I had been putting together was confusing my brain.

I shuffled over to my door, panicking for a moment at who might be on the other side and left to go downstairs, I trod lightly, creeping as if I was scared of being discovered. There was nobody in the living room and so my tense muscles relaxed momentarily, only to be shocked into stiffening again as I entered the kitchen. I came across Shigure and Ayame in mid clinch. My stomach somersaulted and I felt queasy.

"oh my god" the words slipped out of my mouth before I could think of them.

They both turned to look at me laughing as they saw my expression.

"hello kyonnkichi!" Ayame almost squealed.

"oh. My. God." There was no other way to describe the situation. "that's horrible."

Shigure snorted, and under his breath muttered: "you can talk"

I caught it, and I felt fury build up within me, Yuki and I were, different from them.

"what? Gure-san?" what do you mean?" Ayame was instantly curious, he didn't know.

Turning away from them both, I went to the fridge, finding my own special carton of milk and then left. Deliberately keeping my eyes trained straight forwards.

I was relieved that the Sohma with arguably the biggest mouth didn't know, but the hint of spite in Shigure's voice unnerved me. The carton was shaking in my unsteady hands. I took a deep breath, it was imperative that I kept my mind focused on the matter at hand, which was getting back to my room in one piece.

Upon reaching my room, I closed the door firmly as if the image of them would barge on in. I looked down at the milk and suddenly felt too nauseous to drink it. I set it down unopened on my desk and got back to folding the flowers.

;/;/;/;/Y;/;U/;/K;/;I/;/;/;/;/;/;/;/;/;/;/;/;/;

While I was happy to buy and wrap him presents until the Sohma fortune had been squandered, I had more important things on my mind. Shigure knew. he could tell anyone, and I wouldn't feel safe about him knowing at all, ever. My heart fluttered in my chest, this could not be undone. This problem was permanent and there was no way to correct it, I could deny it. However the thought alone wounded me.

Shigure knew and he would always know. There was no way I could change it. The only thing I could do to reassure myself of the situation was to talk to him about it, beg him to keep it to himself if that's what it took. There was no other way, I wasn't prepared to end my relationship with Kyo, he made me feel something other than I had ever done so before and he made me comfortable, and wrapped me in a new little world that was so alien yet so beautiful to me at the same time.

I was torn, I could go and see Shigure now, talk to him about everything and then go and see Kyo. Or both me and Kyo could go to see him. My stomach flipped at the thought of us presenting ourselves as a 'couple' for the first time. There was something in it that made me feel like a naughty school boy.

Whilst tangling my hands into a shirt I was holding, I made my decision.

'/'/'/'/'/'/'/'/K'/Y'/O'/'/'/'/'/'/'/'/'/

I sat back in my chair, pleased with what I had produced, it sat before me in all its splendour, glue still wet, still held together with paperclips. But it was done.

I sighed, that had taken longer than I had expected. Other things had been clouding my mind and stopping my from concentrating. Obviously the situation with Shigure, but mostly the reason I had been called to the main house for Christmas, the first time since I had been born. This both intrigued and terrified me at the same time.

I had been thinking about the house itself, I could just about remember it from my last visit, a long time ago. In my head the hallways were darkened, vases of flowers rested upon shining tables in the hallways, they smelled strongly, and the lilies in these vases had tightened my throat. Lilies are poisonous to cats, and so they were to me. The room I saw Akito in was filled with them. I had never seen so many all placed on a level that I could reach easily, and that could do me some damage, at the time I had been too small to realize that this was deliberate. Looking back on it now, the spite in it stung me. It should be expected though. On this visit, my one and only I had been told my fate. To beat Yuki before I finished school or to spend the rest of my life in the cage.

I cried after being told this, as did my parents who had been in the room with me, the same year, my mother died.

As these thoughts passed through my mind, I felt a sudden surge of loneliness and slightly out of my own body, I was scared as I realized my future. Since everything had begun with Yuki I had somewhat forgotten my fate, I had lost my need to fight him and all anger towards him for him being the reason I would spend my life behind bars. Yuki had never been clear about what would happen to him if I managed to beat him, and there was something deep down that made me suspect his punishment would be much worse than mine. I put my feet up on the chair, drawing my knees up to my chest and wrapping my arms around myself. At that moment I felt so alone that a chill ran through me. I needed to see Yuki. He would make me feel better. It was unusual to me to have someone near me who could help me, and who made me feel better. I wasn't used to having anyone near me who could take care of my. It was the first time in my life that someone had actually wanted to reassure me and hold me. Of course shishou had taken care of me, but there was something within Yuki, within his aura that made him heal all the wounds that had been caused by our family.

I got up from my seat, taking a light throw and covering the present with it, away from prying eyes. My feet were bare and cold on the carpet of the floor. In my attention to making the flowers I had neglected my body temperature, and I was cold my arms and feet feeling the chill the most. I left my room, and making sure nobody else was around, I slipped into his room. I closed the door and looked around. He wasn't there. The room seemed alien without him in, darker, and abandoned, yet the thought of going back to my room, with the thoughts and memories of my childhood seemed impossible to do, I decided to sit and wait for him. As I wandered across his room, I picked up a book from one of his shelves not paying much attention to what it was, as I settled down, the book in hand and my back against his wall, I read the title of the book, 'Hear the Wind Song' by Haruki Murakami. I rolled my eyes. This guys books were everywhere. Nevertheless, I set about reading it, hoping Yuki was just getting a drink and would be back soon.

/'/'/'/Y'/'U/'K/'I/'/'/'/''/'/'/'/'/'/'/'/

As I made my way quietly downstairs I heard kyo's door click open. He would be coming down behind me soon, and I wanted to avoid him, so I sped up a little. This was nothing personal to Kyo, but I didn't want to cause him anymore stress than was necessary. Shigure was in the kitchen talking with Ayame. I cringed as the latter screamed my name and moved to hug me, I stepped away from him scowling, making sure he knew his affection wasn't welcome. He stopped in mid motion, realizing he would most likely get severely injured if he came any closer. Shigure looked up at both of us smiling. The mere sight of him made my heart pound, and not in a good way.

I took a deep breath: "Shigure, I need to talk to you"

His smile dropped and he was suddenly serious.

"yes. Of course you do" he stood up, placing his hand affectionately on Ayame's shoulder, they looked at each other and there was something in their eyes that spoke of love. Even though Shigure wouldn't be long, he was letting Ayame know he loved him. Something in this stuck me. There was a closeness between them I hadn't realized before the same thing happened to me.

He walked past me without gesturing me to follow him. I did so, however, instinctively. I could feel Ayame's eyes on my back, he knew. I could tell.

We arrived in Shigure's study and as I was gently closing the door behind me he began to speak.

"I suppose he has told you. I can't think of any other reason for you being here." I had never seen Shigure so serious.

I felt myself blushing, my hand began to tremble and my stomach turn. I immediately regretted putting myself in this situation. But I had no way to escape now, I had to see it through.

"yes. He did" my voice was more quiet than I had wanted it to be. I was angry, and he could tell.

"hmm. I suppose I could have been a bit more subtle with it"

"what do you think you're doing Shigure?!"

He seemed confused.

"you're tormenting...us" us. That was the word.

"I don't understand what you mean." He stated plainly.

"don't feign ignorance Shigure. What's going on?"

He sighed.

"I don't know what's going on. Akito just wants him there this year." He seemed utterly disinterested.

"and you told Akito?!" my fear of him was weaning and anger took its place. "I thought I could rely on you, that's why I came to live with you. And you do this!"

He opened his mouth to say something, but I interrupted.

"does she know about you?! Does she? Your little 'thing' with Ayame? I bet she'd love that wouldn't she!" I was trembling.

Suddenly my voice became quiet: "you aren't so quick to destroy your own happiness are you?" I looked to the floor, suddenly realizing what I had said. I was terrified of Shigure's temper, a temper I had never seen before and a temper I didn't want to.

"Yuki" I turned to him. His voice was gentle: "I didn't tell Akito"

My eyes widened. And sickness rose up inside me.

"then who did?"

"I don't know" Shigure was easily readable, so you knew when he was being honest, and this was Shigure being sincere.

"she wouldn't say. I asked a thousand times, in the end she had me thrown out." Our eyes met and I saw no hint of dishonesty there, no indication that he was joking.

"I'm pleased for you Yuki, genuinely." I had nothing to say to this.

"you have done the one thing it is most difficult for those cursed by the zodiac to do. And with the most unlikely person. And there has been a change in you both, for the better. Everyone has noticed. Even Tohru has told me how happy she is-"

"does she know?" I butted in.

"no" he smiled. "I haven't told anyone." I raised my eyebrows, almost disbelievingly.

"you don't know how hard it's been for me to keep quiet about it to Ayame" his grin made me feel sick.

"don't you dare Shigure!"

He laughed: "I won't"

"but understand Yuki. Kyo is not the best person to have feelings for. You know this. Be careful. And whatever may happen at the main house, because only god knows what will, know that I am truly, honestly, very pleased for you both. And your secret is safe with me."

I was touched, and not a little shocked.

"thank you" it was nothing but a whimper. " but Shigure..." he looked up from a piece of paper he had been fiddling with, "Kyo isn't going. I'm not letting him. and neither am I. I won't put him in a situation like that, he'll get hurt. You know what she's like."

This troubled him.

"you have no choice Yuki. You both have to go. It'll be best for you, for the both of you."

I shook my head. "I'm old enough to say no, Shigure. And we're not going."

He nodded. He was giving up, maybe he didn't have the energy to argue, maybe he really didn't want to.

"we'll talk about it closer to the time, we have a few day yet, don't we?" he sounded like he was my father, and for a second, that comforted me.

"but as for now, me and Ayame are going out for dinner, and so we will be out until the early hours" he smiled up at the ceiling, and I cringed.

I turned to leave, and has I reached for the handle, I turned back and said:

"Shigure, congratulations, for you and Ayame, I think, I think I'm pleased for you too"

I didn't wait for an answer.


	27. Sleep Tight

The exact same thing happened to me as happened to Shigure and Ayame on Friday night  here is the next chapter...... enjoy please let me know what you thing. The lyrics are farewell and goodnight, by the smashing pumpkins.

Also, i have made a poll, which is on my profile, the question is, should yuki and kyo go to the main house? What do you think? Take a few seconds to let me know.

I don't own FB, or farewell and goodnight and i don't make any money from this.

Goodnight, to every little hour that you sleep tite  
May it hold you through the winter of a long night  
And keep you from the loneliness of yourself  
Heart strung is your heart frayed and empty  
Cause it's hard luck, when no one understands your love  
It's unsung, and I say  
Goodnight, my love, to every hour in every day  
Goodnight, always, to all that's pure that's in your heart

After my talk with Shigure, I felt a little bit less on edge about my situation, something told me is could trust the dog on this occasion. And although Akito knew about Kyo and I, I felt a bit safer knowing nobody but she and Shigure knew and that that might not be changing anytime soon. I had told him firmly that me and Kyo weren't going to the main house for Christmas, and although I knew he would try and persuade me, I knew he wouldn't force us.

I crept up the stairs, as if worried they would fall from under me. I felt lighter although still uneasy.

"ne, ne! Yuki-kun! I'll see you tomorrow!" Shigure shouted as he walked out of the door, with an unusually quiet Ayame behind him.

"ok" I don't think he heard me.

I considered going to see Kyo, seeing as we were the only ones in the house, and we would be for the whole night. Tohru was staying with uo and hana. I decided to go and see him after getting changed, although I would never admit it at the time, I wanted to look presentable. I could think of a black shirt that I had never worn before. I blushed as a fleeting thought of him taking it off of me flashed through my mind. Thoughts like this were becoming all too common.

When I came back to myself, I realized I had been stood still. I carried on up to my room. As I walked in I stopped in my tracks. Kyo was laid on my bed, open book on his chest, sleeping deeply. I watched him. his chest rising and falling calmly, his arm resting on his stomach and his other above his head. I closed the door behind me and leant on it shyly. I didn't know whether to wake him or to join him. he looked so peaceful and for a moment I was spirited back to my obsessive watching of him, only a week or so ago. It seemed that a lifetime had already passed. Things has changed so quickly and so completely that I felt momentarily overwhelmed.

I walked over to him and sat on the edge of the bed, looking down at him I ran my fingers through his hair, it's softness, fine between my fingers made me smile. He stirred, and a pair of crimson eyes looked up at me, I was still looking up at him for a while before I realized, but when I did I met his gaze and did the only thing I could think of. I awkwardly leant down and kissed him gently on the lips. As I sat back up he smiled at me.

"what are you doing here?" I near whispered.

"i-i was waiting for you. I must have fallen asleep. It was the book"

"what about the book?"

"it was awful" he yawned loudly and turned onto his side facing me.

I smiled. "oh....really....and what would YOU know about literature?"

I laid beside him and he wrapped his arm around me.

"I know enough to know when something is boring!"

I felt relaxed again. His scent was flooding over me, it felt like I had been away from him for days, yet it was only a matter of hours.

"where were you?"

I briefly considered telling him, but I knew it would cause him concern.

"nowhere, nothing important. I'll tell you tomorrow." I knew he wouldn't accept this, and so I continued talking before he could question me.

"Shigure and Ayame are out for the night" I said it as if it had no importance, really, it didn't but I wanted to make conversation.

"so is Tohru" he said nonchalantly, as he ran his hand down my side.

His hand on me, touching me, even through my clothes was burning my skin. I couldn't ignore it, I took a deep breath and snuggled closer to him, hoping to be so close to him that he couldn't tell what an affect he was having on me.

I wrapped my arms tightly around him enclosing him in a vice that I suspect he would never want to escape. His arms enveloped me too, and so we were knotted together. I was curled into him at an angle so my face was buried in his neck, my lips mere millimetres away from his skin. I would have given anything for him to tell me to kiss him. for him to tell me he needed me as much as I did him. but I knew, that he was more innocent than I. Which would have seemed unbelievable even a few days ago. I knew that he wouldn't be having the same, perverted thoughts that I was.

I cursed myself for these thoughts. I wished I could be near him without the want to touch him that I had. Without the urge to run my hands along his bare torso. It had been becoming increasingly difficult for me to stop thinking about him like that.

;/;/;/;/K;/Y;/O;/;/;/;/

He suddenly pulled closer to me, his arms wrapping tightly around me. I was surprised, yet grateful for the contact, I had, of course come to his room looking for this. I had fallen asleep, as I was accustomed to doing when I felt troubled, as far as I was concerned, you can't think when you're asleep. I closed him in my arms, and he fidgeted to get comfortable. His head rested dangerously close to my neck. He seemed uncomfortable, his breathing unsteady. I considered asking him if he wanted to move, but when an unusually deep breath blew heated air against the flesh of my throat, I was unable to construct the words. the breath tickled my skin, made me tremble and made my head light. It was obvious, the effect he had on me. Yet neither of us said anything.

As his breathing became more and more ragged, my hands began to wander, with their own confidence over his back. I drew patterns on his shirt with my fingers, I wrote our names, I wrote 'I love you' although, it would be completely unreadable if it were visible. I was trembling far too much for my hand writing to be legible.

He whimpered, his mouth close enough for me to feel the small noise, for it to shoot down my spine and into the most private part of me. This action, as involuntary as it was, shook me and propelled my eager hands further, I carefully snaked under the soft fabric of his shirt, feeling his skin underneath, so warm against the icy cold of my fingers, and he gasped.

"k-Kyo" he sighed, wriggling as if to get me further along his back.

His words had the same affect on me as his whimper, and I began to shake, with my spare hand, I ran my fingers through his hair, applying the smallest bit of pressure to guide him to kiss my throat. My prayers were answered and he heat of his mouth pressed to my skin. My fingers clawed momentarily into his back with the shock of the sensation, and I let out my own gasp.

His lips were soft, silky, and like fire. He pressed them lightly upon me over and over, butterfly kisses that were driving me insane.

"p-please yukiii" I had never begged to anyone before, yet I was more than happy to beg him now.

I wasn't sure if he'd heard me, but I was answered by his lips parting and his tongue shyly lathing upon my throat. If I had been standing I would have fallen to my knees, if at all possible I would have collapsed into a pile of goo on the floor. The heat was scorching, the feeling so unusual and yet so welcomed and accepted at once. I unknowingly began to scramble closer to him, as if trying to become one with him. I needed to feel his frame against mine, his delicate hips pressed deep into mine. I slid a knee between his legs and used it as leverage to get ourselves closer together.

I bought my hands round to his front, running them lightly along his chest, feeling as much as I could from within the constraints of his shirt. As I bought my fingers over his hips he shook pulled away from my neck to gasp. His breathing sounded close to how it was when he was ill, but I knew there was no illness here. As soon as he had grounded himself, he came back at me once again, I was prepared for the lips, the tongue, but not the teeth.

As he clamped down upon me, I know I would have a bruise to contend with, but the jolt of pleasure was enough to make it worth it. I moaned loudly still struggling to get closer to him, when he released me and pulled back, I saw the face I had been dreaming of. His eyes seemed heavy, watery and in a daze, his cheeks flushed and burning, his lips damp red from his kisses. Said lips were inviting me to them, daring me to kiss them.

I was slightly unnerved at how quickly the situation had progressed. There had been no thought between the both of us, we were simply tuning into each other, somehow we knew exactly what we wanted. I could never be sure if this was just between us, or if it happened between every couple when they were like this.

It seemed surreal to me at once, the situation we were in, our legs tangles, our bodies meeting, my arms protectively around him, his bruise on my skin, our breath fuelling each other with a kind of desire we had never experienced before.

I was pulled from my daydream by his fingers running along my jaw, yet more colour had appeared on his usually translucent skin and I loved the sight of him seemingly even more alive than usual.

I leant closer and kissed him gently at first, but then deeply, passionately and hungrily. Hooking my arms around him and pulling him gently I shifted onto my back. Taking the message that I didn't even know I was sending, he nervously slipped on top of me, his legs either side of my hips.

The position we found ourselves in made me tremble, his hips pressed lightly against mine, his arms holding his body up over me, were at each side of my head. I felt pinned down. In any normal situation, I would have panicked, I would have fought him off, but now, at that very moment, I wanted him closer. I bunched my hands in his shirt the light fabric crumpling easily under the pressure of my fingers. His face was close, his breath on me, rippling over my skin. In my head I was begging him to touch me, I was willing him to do to me whatever he should want. I let one of my hands slide from his back, over his side and along him front. I found myself attracted to the buttons wishing to undo them.

I placed a kiss on his lips, a much more chaste one than I would have liked, but I travelled lower, pulling his head onto my shoulder as I pressed my lips to his jaw. He let out a murmur, knowing what was going to happen. When I finally reached his throat, I noticed his arms begin to shake, too much of this and they would give out. Nevertheless, I wanted to give him what he had given me. I began to copy his movements exactly, placing butterfly kisses on the smoothest skin I had ever felt, he tasted of nothing I have ever experienced, I could only guess that this unique, beautiful taste was simply Yuki. He smelled lightly of my soap, mixed with his usual scent, never before had oranges smelled so alluring.

I couldn't bring myself to bite him. the act in itself seemed to be too violent for someone as delicate as Yuki to cope with. Instead I lavished his entire neck with wet kisses, holding his head firmly in my hand. I carried on running my fingers along his shirt, along the buttons, wishing they would just fall off. He was becoming weaker and weaker, his feeble attempts to keep himself propped up were slowly becoming less and less affective. Part of me wanted him to collapse upon me, I wanted to feel his weight upon me.

I lightly sucked at his skin, nipping quickly here and there, my concentration on him, my attention to this newfound idea of giving someone pleasure was driving him mad. Without warning his arms momentarily gave out. He lunged forwards, his hips shifted suddenly, grinding against mine sparking sensations that I didn't think were possible. My breath shot into my lungs too quickly and for a second I thought I might choke. I wanted it again. The act in itself was too brash, even for the state of mind I was in. Instead, I pretended like I was uncomfortable and trying to fidget my way into a comfortable position. The friction between us wasn't as intense as it had been the first time, our hips weren't connecting with mine so readily, it was however having an effect.

This new kind of assault made him moan out loud, I felt it through his flesh, it reverberated through me. The sound, so unusual, so new and I needed to hear it again. I pulled away from him, gasping for air that just wouldn't come. I needed more skin, had to see it. I pressed firmly on his chest with my hand that had been fiddling with the buttons, this made him look down to see what I wanted. When I was certain he was watching, I slowly and clumsily undid the button that kept the middle of his shirt done up. After seeing this, he looked up at me. His eyes were wide with something that to the untrained eye may have seemed like panic. I knew though, it was more a realization of what we were doing. We looked deep into each other for a moment, my eager fingers not doing what they wanted to and ridding him of his clothes, instead they waited patiently for an answer that wouldn't come without my prompting.

"Yuki....is it...ok?" I couldn't believe I was asking the question. I wouldn't even consider it normally, things like that were kept firmly inside my mind. It occurred to me however, that this wasn't a normal situation, and normal rules wouldn't apply.

His face was struggling with the decision, as beautiful as he was, he was painfully shy and uncertain about himself. It struck me as mad, no one who was unsightly, as he obviously thought himself, would have their own fan club.

I smiled to myself as I thought of their reaction to this if they saw it. I would be beaten all around Japan. He saw this but didn't question me. He was still worrying over removing his clothes. I couldn't figure it out. He had been around me with little or no clothes on before. I would have thought there would be no problem in him removing just his shirt. It seemed I was wrong. I moved my hand away from his chest where it was waiting, and reached up to run my fingers through his hair.

"it's ok" I whispered. "it's ok, you'll be ok." I was coaxing him not only with my voice but also with my eyes, I didn't know if it was possible, but I was trying to look at him with pure honesty, adoration and love.

I nodded at him, as if trying to remind him of the question. Self-consciously, he nodded back at me, yes, you can do it Kyo.

I worked at the buttons slowly, allowing him to change his mind if he should so wish. Fortunately for me he didn't. Each one was undone slowly, antagonisingly carefully, all the while I was watching his face for any signs of regret. I pulled the shirt open, sliding it gently over his shoulders. He sat back for a second, lifting his arms from the bed and allowing it to fall away completely. I cast my eyes over his skin, the white expanse of perfection I from now on would have all to myself. The image of him, sat half naked upon me, exposing himself in a way that embarrassed him almost made my heart explode, my breath caught in my throat, and like a child with sweets I needed to touch him I reached out to him without even thinking.

Time seemed to move slower, I sure if I was reaching out to him to touch him, or to bring him closer to me. I would never find out.

He stopped me. Panic shot through me as I tried to figure out what it was I had done wrong, but there was nothing. He looked down at me, smiling so innocently considering the situation we had found ourselves in. He had grabbed my wrist, holding it in mid-air. As soon as he had caught it, it went limp, as if his touch had killed it. But now he dropped it, and I was too shy to try again.

His shaking hand fingered the hem of my shirt unsure of what to do. He gathered a handful of it and lifted it as far up as it would go. This was him asking wordlessly for me to do the same thing as him. now the shoe was on the other foot, I understood his nervousness. Having someone look at you neutrally, say, when you transformed back after being in animal form, was no problem. They saw you but they weren't really looking at you. In these situations, you are examined, scrutinized. I acknowledged our changing in front of each other the previous night as almost the same, but this was more intense. Nevertheless, he had stripped for me, I owed him the same. I sat up awkwardly trying not to lose the connection we had through our groins, as I got closer to him I could feel the heat emanating from him. he never let go of the shirt, and as soon as I was upright he lifted it higher and over my head.

As soon as I was free of it, I wrapped my arms tightly around him and pulled him down with me. The weight of him on top of me was unusual, yet at the same time comforting, this was a reminder that Yuki was human. And for such a willowy figure, he was quite heavy.

He kissed me firmly, drawing me in with the taste of his mouth, the texture of his tongue gently caressing my own. Our skin burned as it pressed together, our torsos meeting and connecting us almost completely. My hands were all over him, every ripple of muscle each jut of a bone, no inch of skin was left untouched. I found my fingers lingering around the waistband of his trousers. he didn't seem to notice, he was far too busy with my mouth.

I slipped my hand as far as it would go into the side of his trousers, gripping his hips as much as I could. He pulled away suddenly, shocked, probably at my audacity. Yet he seemed to know and accept the direction this was taking. He nodded, and for the first time since he had walked in on me asleep, I felt truly nervous.

All of a sudden I felt as though I was hyperventilating, the thought of what was happening, what was about to happen struck fear into me. However I was itching to do it. I slithered my hand to the front of his trousers, completely stunned by what I found. He was hard under his clothes, desperately so. Unsure of what to do, I pulled my hand away. As if possible my breathing became more and more ragged, more laboured. I found the button. There was no questioning between us now. No need for encouragement. It popped undone easily, and his fly came open without any effort. My nerves were making an appearance again, and I shook, nevertheless I was doing something that had filled my head constantly recently, and this was real. I slipped my hand inside.

"yuki-kuuuuun!!! Kyo-kuuuun! It's meeee...we're home! Stupid Ayame didn't book the table so the restaurant kicked us out! They were so meeeeeean"

I have never known panic like it. I snatched my hand back, he virtually flew out of bed and was dressed fully within seconds. I grabbed my shirt and slipped it back on as quickly as I could. I was careful not to sit in certain positions through fear of him seeing just how much I had wanted everything to carry on.

Yuki's door flew open, almost off its hinges. And Shigure stood, in all of his menacing glory. I don't think I have ever hated the dog so much than at that moment.

"oh....I say....I wish you could see yourselves. It's almost enough to make ME blush" he said quietly.

He turned away, walking back down the stairs.

"we bought you some dinner. Come and eat it...after you've....calmed down"


	28. Snowflakes

**here is the next chapter.....let me know what you think...and dont forget about the poll. thankies!!**

**X-v-X**

**i don't own FB, and i dont make any money from this.**

I had to sit on his bed for a while after the dog disappeared to try and gain composure. There was a hardness between my legs like nothing I had ever experienced, and standing would only make it worse. Yuki was in the same state. I had felt it. He stood awkwardly when Shigure flew into the room, and after the dog left, he wobbled unceremoniously out of the door, straight into the bathroom. While my head was full of all of the things he could be doing in there, I tried my hardest not to even consider it. I needed to think of horrible things, boring things. Leeks. School. Uo. Slowly I became less and less aroused. Even so, I was in a shitty mood. I had been so close to something so special with him, only to have it torn away from me. And now I was frustrated.

I slunk sulkily down the stairs, resisting the urge to break down the door and see what Yuki was doing in the bathroom.

Shigure and Ayame were sat at the table deep in conversation about how rude the restaurant managers were, and how outraged they were at the way they were forcefully ejected from the premises.

"and I even put a suit on!" the dog screeched.

"they are despicable!" Ayame harped.

There was something in their whiny voices that comforted me, this was reality, how life usually was, as compared to what I had just been involved in with Yuki, which seemed like a distant dream.

As I entered they both fell silent looking at me with highly animated faces.

"Kyonnkichi! We bought you bento! Wh-" he stopped mid-sentence.

"what?" I couldn't help but feel scrutinized.

"you're very red kyonnkichi. Are you ill?" he was verging on being serious.

"I'm _fine_" I said through clenched teeth.

Shigure worryingly said nothing, and so Ayame opened his eternally flapping mouth again:

"where's Yuki?" this could have been posed to Shigure, yet he looked at me.

"how the hell should I know?" I tried to remain calm.

I sat, picked up my chop sticks and began to eat.

We sat in silence until the bathroom door slid open and his footfalls were audible on the stairs. I sighed inwardly, I wasn't sure if I was pleased to have him near me because of the intimidation I felt in front of these two fools, or worried because our torment would double.

"ne-ne!!!! Yuki! You're red too! Is there a bug going around!?" there were times when Ayame was unbelievably stupid.

This unfortunately wasn't one of them.

The look on his face, the way he spoke, all revealed the fact that he knew what we were doing. He knew why we were so red, and still, Shigure was sickeningly silent.

Yuki didn't respond, instead he took a seat beside me, this being his only option. He began to eat without looking at anyone around the table. Especially me.

"ne...Gure-san...you know what this feels like?" from his tone I knew this was going to be trouble.

"what?"

" a double date!"

I dropped my chop sticks as I lost all ability to think. At times like these, I also lost the ability to control my mouth.

"you told him!? you bastard!" as soon as the words left my mouth I regretted it, yuki's head shot round to look at me.

Ayame looked over to Shigure questioningly.

"told me what?"

We were all silent, looking awkwardly in different directions.

"told me what Shigure?"

"uhmmmm...well....." he looked over at both of us, it was obvious.

"oh...my....god...." the truth seemed to suddenly reveal itself to him.

"ohhhhhhh my god! Seriously? Wow! really?!"

Yuki sighed loudly, enough to make us all turn to look at him.

"yes....Ayame....really....." his voice was quiet, trembling, with anger not fear.

The snake shot up on his feet and ran around the table singing madly all the way.

"yuki-kuuuuuun! I'm so pleased for you! I knew you looked healthier!" his screeching was making my head whirl.

"don't you dare Ayame!" Yuki was truly frightening when he needed to be.

The snake stopped in mid air, and seemed to change into a fully grown adult again. His brother was trembling beside me and the sight of him in such a state made every ounce of guilt I had within me rise.

"I'm so sorry Yuki. I'm so sorry"

He looked at me in the eye for the first time since he had come to eat.

"it's ok" his answer was short, angry almost and as soon as he had said it, he got up and left.

I felt like I had been torn to pieces. I sat there in the aftermath of what seemed to have been war. The two older Sohmas were looking at each other uneasily. Until Ayame spoke up:

"kyonnkichi."

I looked up, my own rage on the verge of rearing its ugly head.

"what?"

"go after him."

For once he was right. Without saying anything, I followed in his footsteps, he had left the front door ajar.

I slipped my shoes on, picking up my coat, I noticed he hadn't taken his and so I hooked it over my arm and bought it with me. There was one logical place to look for him on the property, before I walked out across the whole expanse of it. The secret base.

A wind blew the froze me to the bone, my hands were blue. There was snow predicted tonight, blizzards the television had said. I worried about him, he was sensitive to temperature, he got ill easily, and no amount of anger at me was worth his health. My feet fell heavily on the frozen ground, and I was almost blinded by my breath in the air.

I came to the clearing that lead out to the base, and found him sat, shivering on a tree stump. I was inclined to watch him for a moment, his silhouette was beautiful against the darkened sky. Yet there were more important things to do.

"Yuki" my voice was quiet, apologetic in itself, I called for him only to let him know I was there, I didn't want to scare him.

He turned, The remnants of tears staining his cheeks. I approached him slowly, and as I got closer he stood to face me. When I reached him I wrapped his coat around him, allowing him to slip his arms in himself. He murmured a thank you.

"I'm sorry Yuki....I didn't think....it's my fault"

"it's not. Kyo. It's not. I thought the same"

"but he wouldn't know if I hadn't opened my big mouth." I cursed said big mouth with every breath I took.

"it's ok. It's just not the best thing that could have happened. You know Ayame and his mouth. They work from different brains" he smiled cynically.

I held out my arms, this would be the reassurance I needed to prove everything really was ok. He walked into them without hesitation. Relief coursed through me as I pulled him close to me. Although he is roughly the same height as me, he seemed somewhat shorter. Small, huddled into me, his hands gripping onto my shirt. I kissed the top of his head, and I could taste the cold on my lips.

"I love you" he mumbled. He said it into my clothes, so it was just a whisper.

"I love you too. So much" I squeezed him tight. He was precious to me, and I would never let him go.

I shivered from deep within my body. Flecks of snow began to fall, lightly at first, but then heavier. The snow made the surrounding trees and grass brighter, it was shocking to me, how silent snow was, yet it made such a big impact on the ground it fell upon.

It was settling, dusting the floor in a pure white.

We would make the first footsteps in this new utopia, closer together, and completely in time with each other.


	29. Rice

**Here is the next chapter! If you want to know where Shigure and Ayame went, and what they got up to, in great detail, i have written a oneshot which is pure smut. titled 'White Heat' have a read if you like.....it'll be uploaded at the same time as this chapter. **

**let me know what you think, and vote on the poll! **

**oooh...btw.....i might write another one-off, about what yuki got up to in the bathroom......let me know if you think i should. :P**

**i don't own fruits basket and i dont make any money from this. **

**X-v-X**

We made our way back to the house through the falling snow, bits of it were settling on his hair, littering his coat with a thin dusting. We walked shoulder to shoulder close enough to touch. And as I concentrated on not falling over, he took my hand in his and held it lightly, he was relaxed again, and we were truly together as we watched the winter cover the Sohma grounds.

The house came into view, the lights cast out a homely glow. Home. I considered that word. I had never really felt at home before. Yet in his presence and within the four walls of Shigure's house, I think I vaguely understood the meaning of home: A sense of belonging and acceptance that you don't receive from anyone or anywhere else.

As we got to the front door, I stamped my feet to rid them of all of the snow that they had picked up. Yuki did the same, not letting go of my hand until we had to walk through the door. we took our shoes and coats off and walked back through to the kitchen. Shigure and Ayame were gone.

"where do you think they went?" he asked me.

I found it surprising that he even had to ask.

"I have a good idea" I replied.

He seemed confused momentarily, and then he realized.

"oh...how many times are they going to put us through it?!" he exclaimed.

"probably until their dicks fall off" I was only supposed to think this, but instead I said it. We were both stunned at it, yet we carried on like nothing had happened.

We sat down at the table where we had been before and looked at our now cold bento boxes. They looked disgusting.

"I'm not eating this. I'm making rice. Do you want some?" I got up without waiting for an answer.

"you can cook?" the question was put more enthusiastically than I would have liked.

"...yeah....I can...so do you?"

"yes. Please. Thank you"

He watched me cook the simple food, it felt like he was admiring me. Although it embarrasses me to admit it, it felt quite good to be watched by loving eyes. It was something I was so unused to that it was completely new.

I walked over to the table, bringing our food. He looked at it approvingly, smiling as he thanked me for it. We ate in a comfortable silence. He finished first, having been hungrier than I thought and slouched.

"I'm so full." He groaned. "thank you, Kyo"

It felt strange, to cook for him, eat with him, and be thanked by him. I smiled in acceptance, finishing my food. There was a thud from above us, and we looked at each other sickened.

"do they ever stop!" I almost squeaked.

Yuki blushed and looked at the table smiling in a way I had never seen him look before.

"what is it?" I questioned.

"well...we say these things about them. But..." he stopped, his face reddening even more. "but we...almost.....you know...."

I felt like my head was going to pop.

"but....but that's different! That was......us. we're us. They're......our FAMILY"

"we're family. You do remember that don't you?"

"of course I do!" I shouted. He was winding me up.

He began to giggle, and my frustration soothed.

"and we DIDNT almost do...that" I was such a blushing virgin that I wanted to bang my head on the table, but I carried on. "I don't know what that was. But I can guarantee that it was nowhere near as bad as what they're doing up there. Perverts!"

He smiled at me.

" we were going to do the same thing....as them I mean...." he mumbled self-consciously.

"that's what you think!" it was my natural self-defence mechanism to shout at whomever may annoy me. "I don't know what you were we were thinking was going to happen. But that's just your filthy mind!"

"so why did you join in?" he was becoming as defensive as me.

"...it just....happened...and....I liked it...."

We both sat in an awkward silence. I could feel Yuki gloating, I didn't need to look at him. I didn't know where his sudden burst of confidence came from. I was happy never to talk about what happened up in his room, and even happier to just have it in my mind, as something I could think about whenever one of those moods I had been having lately took me.

"it was your fault anyway. You started it" I found it infuriating that I had resorted back to such childish tactics in an attempt to get myself out of the situation.

He just rolled his eyes in response.

"I need to talk to you Kyo. Somewhere private" he was sombre, there was no more teasing about what happened upstairs.

"this is pretty private." I replied.

"yes, but, they-" he pointed up to the ceiling. "-will be finishing soon, and we can't be interrupted"

I nodded.

"ok...where?"

"my room"

He got up and held out his hand for me to take, he helped me up, and we walked together, awkwardly through the house and up the stairs. As we came to his door, we heard a loud cry from Shigure's room. It was the dog. His voice was distinctive. We looked at each other disgustedly, I understood their passion for each other. But was there any need for that?! as I we recovered and began to walk again, there came another cry. Ayame.

"oh god" Yuki murmured. "ok. That is wrong"

I smiled. Yet in my head I was angry, they came home, wrecked our evening, and did....what we were supposed to be doing. I tried to shake that thought, it would only cause trouble, especially because he needed to talk to me, and it sounded serious.

As we entered, I saw his bed. His usually pristine and seemingly ironed sheets were messy, creased and it was obvious that someone had either slept on them. or maybe done something else. Yet I couldn't think of things like that now. I had to keep my mind on what Yuki had to say.

We sat facing each other on his bed.

"I...went to speak to Shigure today" he sounded uneasy.

I waited for him to continue.

"and, I told him we aren't going to the main house."

He seemed scared of what I would say, and so he carried on talking so I couldn't.

"I did it because when I was talking to Shigure he told me...." he paused for quite a while, I considered asking him if he was ok, asking him to finish his sentence, but how nervous he was made me think twice, I waited.

"he told me, that Akito knows. About us. And so anything she has lined up for us cannot and will not be pleasant. Especially for you." He took a breath.

"she?" this was obviously a slip of mouth on his part.

"ah....um....yes...she" he said uneasily.

"Akito? I don't understand?"

"Akito, is a woman" he confirmed. The revelation was overwhelming, and just didn't sink in.

"I...don't...understand what you mean. Akito. Is a man. He always had been"

He shook his head, no.

"b-but why? Why didn't he, no, she tell us all?"

"it's a long story, I'll tell you later, but I need you to know that we aren't going to the house Kyo, we'll get hurt. Look what she did to Hatori, I can't risk putting you in that situation. You're even more at risk because you're.." he stopped, he didn't seem comfortable with saying the rest of his sentence, so I did it for him:

"because I'm the cat."

He smiled sadly and nodded. I reached out and took his hand, holding it tightly.

"ok. We'll stay here, we'll lock ourselves in if we have to. It'll just be us." I smiled at him, trying to reassure him.

"ok...thank you" he smiled, looking at me with eyes that were heavy with tears.

I saw this and I couldn't understand the reason for it, but I didn't question it, instead I pulled him close to me, holding him tightly and whispering that it was ok, over and over again.

"I made you a present today" I only told him to try and cheer him up.

He pulled away and looked at me with pink cheeks and watery eyes.

"really?! You made it? What is it?"

"I can't tell you that!" I said in a voice that could only be described as sickly sweet.

"why not!?" it was so nice to see him happy again.

"because it's for Christmas." I stuck my tongue out at him. something I hadn't done since I was about five, and I was playing with shishou.

"well...I got your present today too." He threw back.

"what is it?" I couldn't help myself. People rarely bought me presents. Especially from within the family.

"not telling" he mimicking me by poking his tongue out.

"Yuki" I sighed, getting his attention. "I really hate you sometimes"


	30. A Doctor Calls

**here is the next chapter...i'm sorry for making Hatori so mean! you'll find out why eventually :) let me know what you think and a big thankyou to **animelvr23 **who reviews faithfully every chapter!!! soooo much appreciation to you!!!!**

**i dont own fruits basket, and i dont make any money from this. **

**/'/'/'/'/'/'/'/'/'/'/'/'/'/'/'/'/'/'/'/'/'/'/**

**the night that followed passed quickly and in a deep, comfortable sleep. In the morning when I woke, of course he was gone, being the early riser that he was. I suspected my relaxed state was relief induced, although my loud mouth brother knew, and our secret was well and truly out, I couldn't help but feel he was relieved at the fact that while Tohru wasn't home, and there were no other visitors from within the family, we could be open. I didn't feel ready to act like we were together in front of our older relatives yet though, there was something that didn't seem right about it.**

**All of this ran through my mind before I had even sat up. There was a bright winter sun bursting through my window, it was one of a cold morning, and although I felt truly rested, I was tempted just to slide back beneath the covers and deny that the day had even happened. There came however a noise from outside of my door, of footsteps that I knew all too well. His feet fell in a definite rhythm, they always did. There was a polite tap at my door, and I knew what was coming, he said the same words every time:**

"**Yuki. It's Hatori, I'm coming in."**

**Hatori never waited, or asked if it was ok for him to come in. I never understood why. It was polite to do so after all. My door opened, and the doctor appeared, with his bag. I cringed inwardly knowing I was going to have a check-up. **

"**hello Yuki." He said coldly as he coolly the door behind him.**

"**hello" although I didn't dislike Hatori, I didn't have much to say to him, other than: "why are you here?" **

"**you were ill recently, Yuki. And I just have to make sure you're ok, fully recovered-"**

**He didn't need to finish his sentence, I could do it for him:**

"**Aktio's orders. I know." **

"**would you remind removing your shirt? And put this in your mouth please." He said, handing me a thermometer, then going back to his bag to bring out my medical records. Taking a fresh piece of paper from a pad of blank forms, he wrote my name, the date, and looked over at the thermometer. **

"**average...." he grumbled. He reached for a stethoscope. "now for the bit you don't like."**

**The metal was always unbearably cold, and it made me jump as he pressed it to my skin. **

"**your breathing is better too. Have you been taking the medicines I gave you?" **

**I lied, telling him I had. He paused while taking the stethoscope away.**

"**you're bruised Yuki"**

**I was please he no longer had said stethoscope pressed to my chest, and my heart had sped up uncontrollably.**

"**a-am I? Where?"**

"**your neck, has anything happened?" he eyed me suspiciously, it was obvious what it was, yet inexplicable how it got there. **

"**not really, a fight with Kyo probably." I was pleased with myself at how expertly I had lied. **

"**you two really should put all of this behind you now. you're getting to an age where it's embarrassing for the family" **

"**he starts it. Don't blame me Hatori"**

**He grumbled at this. Fetching a peak flow and handing it to me. I did as I knew what to, and he checked my results. **

"**you're still below average, take it easy. No running at school"**

"**ok." **

**He put all of his thing back into his bag, and said nothing else until:**

"**where is the cat?" **

**I sometimes felt that he hated Kyo as much as Akito did, they way he spoke of him. **

"**I don't know. I've just woken up. What do you want with **_**him **_**anyway?" I tried my best trying to make it sound derogatory. **

"**he has been ordered to the main hose for Christmas. I don't know why, before you ask, it is, most unusual I have to say. But Akito wants me to check him"**

"**what for?" **

"**diseases, viruses" none of this seemed to faze Hatori.**

"**but the cat doesn't carry diseases does it?" **

"**well...we all know that, you, me, the rest of the family, but it's just another of her mind games. You know what she's like."**

**I nodded, I knew all too well.**

"**why are you interested anyway?" **

**I had let my guard drop too much.**

"**I'm not" I at once sounded like a spoiled brat. "I just wanted to know why I have to endure him over my Christmas"**

"**we all do" he said, in a way far too cruel for my liking, as he exited my room. **

**;.;.;.;.;.;k;.;.;y;.;.;o;.;.;.;.;.;.;.**

**I was removing all of the paperclips from the ball of flowers I had made for Yuki, it was truly the best thing I had ever made, and one of the very few I had completed. I placed them one by one into the pot I had set aside for them, as I had a terrible habit of losing things like paperclips, also drawing pins, and refills for a stapler. My door opened with no warning, and I jumped to try and hid the flowers behind me, lest it be Yuki.**

**It was Hatori.**

"**uhm- hello?" he didn't reply as he closed the door behind him. he set his bag down on the floor and stood, elegant as the rest of the Sohma's, and just as proud. **

"**I trust Shigure has told you that you are expected at the main house this year?" his voice chilled me. As did his subject of conversation.**

"**yeah. Why?"**

"**I need to give you a check-up, before you can go."**

"**I'm not going." I was tempted to tell him I was staying here with Akito's precious Yuki, because he was now my precious Yuki, and I wasn't going to let Akito get her claws into him. **

"**you have to, remove your jumper please."**

**I had decided on a turtleneck. Although I felt as if I was being strangled, it hid the very obvious bruise Yuki had put there the previous evening. **

"**no" my voice shook. "I don't need a check-up."**

"**it's Akito's orders, Kyo, you have to do it."**

"**Can't you just lie?" this of course would never happen. **

"**just do it Kyo, then it'll be over"**

**I sighed dramatically. Lifting the jumper, and the shirt underneath at the same time, I looked away, in a direction that hid the discoloration on my skin. He handed me a thermometer, telling me to put it in my mouth. While he listened to my heart beat.**

"**a bit fast Kyo. Are you nervous?"**

**He didn't seem to realize how intimidating he was. **

"**a-a bit"**

"**why?" **

"**I don't like doctors." This was true. They had always made me feel ill, not better.**

"**I'm your cousin" he said, slightly offended as he stepped back, stethoscope in hand. This was the first hint of emotion I had ever detected from him.**

"**and you're a doctor" I spat back.**

"**look at me" once again he was aloof.**

**I awkwardly turned to him, trying to angle my head and body so that he still couldn't see the bruise. **

"**properly" he said, grabbing my shoulders and straightening me out. "I need to measure your height." He stopped. **

"**you're bruised." He looked straight at it.**

"**I know" I turned my gaze to the floor, and looked unintentionally defeated. **

"**Yuki?"**

"**w-what?" he had guessed?**

"**was it Yuki? In a fight?"**

**There was no way to describe the relief.**

"**y-yes...it was. The bastard." My voice was still quiet.**

"**language Kyo." He scolded. **

**He seemed to lose interest, and continued his check-up without talking to me unless he had to. **

**As he finished filling in his forms and packing his 'tools' away, I broached the question:**

"**why am I going to the main house?" I knew full well why, but I wondered if he knew too. **

"**I don't know. Akito won't say. He just wants you there" he turned to look at me with something like anger in his eye "and so you **_**will**_** be there." **

"**where are those flowers from?" he looked at yuki's present on the desk.**

"**i-i made them." **

**He looked at me in disbelief.**

"**why?" **

"**I was bored" **

**He mumbled something I didn't catch as he walked back through the door.**

**.;.;.;y.;.;.u.;.;k.;.;.i.;.;.;.;.;.**

**As soon as Hatori left, I left my room and went down stairs. Tohru was not yet home, and so I had to eat left overs from the night before that had been put in the fridge. I was nervous, angry, and upset at Akito's actions and Hatori's words. and so when I looked down at my plate, full of food that would under normal circumstances be less than appetising to me, I felt like I couldn't stomach it.**

**As if on cue, Shigure limped into the kitchen. I looked up at him, hobbling across the kitchen to the fridge, he opened the door and got out some chilled water, then made his way over to the table, where he lowered himself to the floor with a wince. **

"**what's wrong with you?" I asked dis-interestedly, although I was curious. **

"**aha ha ha ha. I'm just old Yuki-kun!" **

**There was a part of me that didn't believe him. **

"**are you going shopping today Yuki-kun?" he asked, as if trying to keep me from asking him anymore questions. **

"**yes, later I will. I have a lot of presents to buy." I mumbled into my glass of water. **

"**oooh...are you buying one for kyo-kuuun?" he whispered, knowing that Hatori was in the house. I scowled at him, wishing so hard that he didn't know. **

"**no." I didn't give him any ammunition. **

"**but you have to! Imagine his face! I can see it now! ohhhh young love!" he sighed, still whispering. **

"**I have him a present. Where is Ayame?" I hoped to daze him with thoughts of the snake to keep him quiet. **

"**he's having a shower. He should be down in a minute" he harped.**

**Hatori entered the kitchen, picking up a cup of tea that I hadn't noticed on the table. **

"**the cat is ok" his words were still cold. **

"**ne-ne! Haa-san! You should be nicer about Kyo-kun" Shigure sang, looking at me out of the corner of his eye, he could sense my anger. **

"**yes. I know. It's hard to be nice though, when I have been ordered to come and check up on him every day. Do you know how much pressure that puts on me Shigure?"**

**Every day? Hatori hadn't mentioned this before.**

"**it's not his fault haa-san" he said, smiling at the dragon. **

"**I know" he sat down at the end of the table, looking at both of us until Ayame shuffled into the kitchen much in the same fashion that Shigure had. It was at this point that it hit me, it seemed to strike Hatori at the same time too, as he looked down at the table uncomfortably. **

"**good morning" he sighed, not his usual flamboyant self. "hello ha-san, hello Yuki" he flopped down next to Shigure. "I'm so tired"**

**My face dropped as he confirmed my fears. They really didn't ever stop. **

"**are you ok Ayame?" Hatori asked, showing rare emotion in his voice. **

"**yes, yes I'm fine. Just. Worn out" **

**Shigure beamed from across the table, and Hatori cleared his throat. **

"**ah! Kyo-kun! I wondered where you were! Ha-san didn't molest you did he?!" the dog shouted much too loudly.**

**I turned to look at him as he entered the room, he looked shaken and slightly withdrawn. It rose concern within me. He sat next to me, not bothering to go to the fridge for his usual carton of milk. **

"**no. He didn't" he said quietly.**

**The dog's shoulders slumped, everyone was too subdued for him, he needed excitement. **

"**Yuki and I are going shopping!" he announced, without my consent.**

**Everyone looked at him, and then at me.**

"**are we?" I asked.**

"**of course we are! Christmas is just around the corner, we need to get presents!" **

"**oh" there was no sense in arguing. **

"**Kyo-kun! You should come too!" Shigure sang. All eyes turned to Kyo. "you need to get Tohru a present, and shishou, and me!" **

**The colour drained from his face. Yet Shigure was looking at him with eyes that told him he had no choice. **

"**I'm going shopping then" he moaned. **

"**Aya. Are you coming?" he turned to the snake, who was falling asleep sat up.**

"**I think I should take him home" Hatori scowled. The dog nodded looking a little sad. **

**Hatori stood up, and took Ayame by the hand guiding him out of the kitchen. Shigure followed uttering goodbyes. When they were out of earshot I spoke:**

"**I had a check-up"**

"**me too" he sounded scared.**

"**he saw the bruise. I didn't know there was a bruise!" I felt like shouting. He looked at me, tilting his head to see. **

"**it's not that bad. Look at this!" he rolled down his jumper collar and exposed the sore skin, I gasped. **

"**you didn't tell me to stop!" I felt guilty. **

"**because....I didn't want you to." He positioned the jumped so it concealed the bruise once again. And went on:**

"**I think we'll have to go to the main house. Hatori looked...serious, I don't think Akito will take no for an answer"**

"**I think so too." We looked at each other scared "but there's no harm in trying to keep ourselves here." As I finished the dog entered the kitchen.**

"**let's go lovers!" **

**Our anger burned a hole in him. **


	31. Presents Come In Purple

this chapter surprised me.....i didnt know this was going to happen. but it did. i hope you enjoy.

i dont own fruits basket, and i dont make any money from this.

.;.;.;.;.;;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.

"**ahhh...young love....is such a beautiful thing....I remember when I was your age, me and Aya....and haa-san!" he was talking dreamily up to the sky as we walked into town.**

**Kyo looked at me with amazement at the mention of Hatori's name. I suppose we were naive not to suspect something, yet Hatori didn't seem to have it within him to love Ayame or Shigure. In hind sight however, it was quite obvious, with all the things he did for them, and with all of the things he let them get away with. **

**We arrived in the highstreet in which we always did our shopping. He stopped and smiled at us both, a smile that we didn't recognise. **

"**do your shopping tomorrow." He said soothingly, for some reason. **

"**we can't we have to go to school. We need to do it today...and we're here now." Kyo said, not quite wondering why he had Shigure had ever said it. **

"**why do you say that anyway?" I asked. **

**From within his heavily lined and layered Yukata he pulled a deep purple envelope, with our names written in gold pen on it. **

"**because this is for both of you, as your Christmas present. From Aya and I" **

**We were both as stunned as each other, there was nothing mocking about the presentation. It was honest, genuine, a caring gesture from relatives, who seemed genuinely happy for us. **

**He shook the envelope, and I took it shyly from him. I looked at Kyo, and he nodded. I neatly tore open the top and pulled out a greeting's card with a picture of a cat getting ready to pounce on a mouse on the front. I looked up at him.**

"**is that supposed to be funny?" I asked. **

"**maybe" he replied singing. **

**I opened the card. Inside were two tickets to Kanazawa. My hands shook. They were first class tickets allowing us our own private car. I looked up at him and he beamed. **

"**you deserve it. I know, that you are worried about Christmas. But I- we, really feel you deserve it." He smiled. **

**I for one, almost fell over, and the look on kyo's face made me suspect he was feeling a similar sensation. Underneath the tickets were the check-in details for one of the top hotels in the city. For one night only, a double room. For us. **

"**t-thank you. So much Shigure" I looked up at him still in disbelief. **

"**thank you" Kyo was blushing hard. **

"**gahhhhh! you two are so sweet!" he bellowed "your train leaves in an hour. You should get to the station. Your journey lasts for roughly five hours. You also have these." He pulled two mobile phones from inside his seemingly bottomless Yukata. **

"**these are for you. Use them as you like, they are paid for by the main house. Keep in touch." **

**The phones were new, one orange, one silver, both of the same make. He handed them to us, and we thanked him again. There was an awkward moment between us, When I didn't know how to react to him, how to thank him enough. All I could do was repeat my thanks, over and over. He nodded acceptingly. **

"**thank you, Shigure. Really" came kyo's voice. The dog smiled. **

"**pleasure's all mine" he continued on seriously: " Tohru think's you have gone to the main house. Hatori thinks you have gone on a school visit for school council members." He said to me. "Tohru and Hatori think you have gone to visit shishou."**

"**you've really sorted all of this haven't you?" Kyo stated.**

**He nodded. "well. You know me! I try! But...Ayame must take a lot of credit for it. He was the one who came up with the idea." **

"**thank him for me. For us. Shigure" I managed to whisper. **

"**I will...now go! Before you make me cry!" **

**We left, walking close, but not so close we couldn't move apart if seen by someone. **

"**I don't believe it." It was too surreal for me to comprehend. **

"**same. They really are pleased for us?" **

"**it looks like it" I took the phone from my pocket and inspected it. "I really didn't expect this" I clenched the envelope tightly as if it might fly away in a non-existent wind. **

"**we don't have any clothes with us" he said, the realization suddenly hitting him, and then me.**

"**we can wear the same clothes tomorrow. It's only one day." It seemed the rational thing to do, even if I wasn't in the habit of doing such things. **

"**but what about...in bed" he reddened. **

"**we'll sort it out...we just have to get to the station"**

**We got to the station in plenty of time, our train was in, and so we boarded. Finding out door number, we entered. It was palatial, the size of my room. There were bunk beds on one wall, a comfortable looking bench seat on the other, and a luggage rack.**

"**they really went to town on this didn't they?" he said. Sitting down shyly on a seat near the window. **

"**I've only ever been on a train once" it was said more to himself than to me. Nevertheless, I had to ask.**

"**really? When?" I sat down beside him. not too close.**

"**my parents took me, when I was little. We went to Kyoto. We stayed there for a few days. It was two weeks before my mother..." his voice choked and he stopped. I rested my hand on his shoulder.**

"**I know" I soothed. **

**He looked at me with teary eyes. Thinking of her filled him with sadness. His whole life had based around rejection, people hating him, leaving him, and ostracising him. I felt a pang of guilt as I realized I had played a massive part in that. without even realizing it, Kyo had become one of the most forgiving people I had ever known.**

**I smiled at him, as the train began to move. **

"**this is still absolutely crazy." I couldn't quite get over the fact we were being sent away by our cousins, the very people we were suspicious of. I positioned myself in the corner of the chair, so I could lean back and look out of the window at the same time. I tapped him on the shoulder and direct him to lean back with me so I could hold him in my arms. He did as I indicated, and I was glad of the contact, and without thinking I said:**

"**I'll never leave you. You mean far too much to me." It was a whisper, yet it seemed to make him bristle. I thought for a moment I had upset him, until he reached up and squeezed my hand, he had realized my train of thought, and instead of being offended or upset, he was grateful.**

"**we're going to have to go to the main house." It was like de-ja-vu, we had both thought it or said it at one point or another. And his words made it that bit more clearer. **

"**I know. There seems no way of avoiding it. Hatori is keeping an eye on you, or even both of us." My voice was sad. "he's coming to check on you every day until Christmas."**

**He turned to look at me, anger and fear in his eyes. "how do you know?!" **

"**he let it slip in the kitchen."**

**We were silent for a moment, I was thinking of the possible endings to our Christmas at the main house, none of them were pleasant.**

"**Kyo..." he turned his head to show he was listening." whatever happens at the main house, we have to stay together."**

**He sat forwards and turned to look at me. **

"**what do you mean?"**

"**I have a feeling. Akito might hurt you, or me. Or both of us."**

"**well...that's a no brainer" he replied, waiting for my next comment.**

"**I also suspect, she may out us. To humiliate us."**

"**it wouldn't humiliate me. I know I love you. And I shouldn't be ashamed of that. I don't care what this shitty family think about it" **

**His words struck something deep within me, and warmed me. We would be ok, as long as we were together. **

"**as soon as things kick off though, we're leaving. And we'll lock ourselves in Shigure's house." I had to make sure we had this planned.**

**He nodded and sat back again, his weight against me comforted me, as I ran my fingers through his hair. His breathing became heavier, slower, more paced. His head became heavier, and slowly, he fell asleep.**

**He was beautiful in his slumber, his head heavy on my chest. **

"**you're everything to me Kyo. They'll have to kill me before they can hurt you" **


	32. Milk

sorry for the delay in uploading this, my girlfriend has had majory spinal surgery today, and i've just been worrying myself away into a stick.....she's ok now tho. thankfully.

let me know what you think.

i dont own fruits basket, and i dont make any money from this.

X-v-X

**Yuki didn't know, but I had heard what he had said, just before I fell asleep. My heart jumped a beat, whether it was out of joy or sadness, I cannot tell. The whole trip, how quickly it had been sprung upon us, and who had given us the tickets was all still a blur. I enjoyed the movement of the carriages. I took comfort in the slightly bumpy ride, yet my mind could not conceive what had just happened. We had been let out of the grasp of the Sohma family, if only for one night, yet we had truly broken away, Yuki had always wanted this, to be free of the family, to live normally. **

**This was as close to normal as we would ever get. I felt liberated, out in the world, no one knew we were related, no one knew about the curse, they didn't know about our ever oppressive family, or the fact that we were certain to be hurt physically and mentally within the next few days.**

**Out in the world, we were nobodies, we were just two people. Two people who were 'together', which in the grander scheme of things, wasn't such a big deal, there were people like us on every television channel in Japan, people like us all over the streets, shopping, eating, drinking, with their partners. **

**With his arm around me, his chin resting on my head and his fingers running through my hair, I knew this was what I wanted for the rest of my life. There would always be a way to overcome the cage, as long as I had Yuki there to help me, and long as he was beside me, reminding me I had something to live for. **

**A tap at the door made him jump and in turn made me jolt from my dozing and sit upright. **

"**yes" he called, a little too quietly I thought, yet the door opened and a pretty woman walked in, she brought in a trolley of warm and cold drinks. She smiled, obviously noticing that she had disturbed us, yet she looked delighted to know that we were with each other.**

"**drinks?" her voice was sickly sweet, as was her smile.**

"**do you have any milk?" Yuki asked. **

"**milk?" she repeated, not quite sure what to make of it, she was, after all offering champagne, fresh fruit juices and the best tea and coffee money could buy. **

"**yes, cold milk" he clarified.**

"**ah-ah y-y-y-yes!" she was nervous. She too had obviously fallen prey to the same inexplicable charm that the rest of the Yuki fan club had. **

**She shakily poured a tall glass with the milk, handing it over to Yuki, who in turn looked to me and handed it over. I felt touched that he knew what I wanted, and that I would be too shy for ask for it. As I gratefully accepted the glass, smiling widely at him, she too began to smile, and to turn pink.**

"**and a green tea?" there was something that excited me in the way he asked for these drinks, so powerful, so brutish. Yet Yuki was not in any way brutish. **

**She fumbled around making him the tea, not being able to concentrate for long enough to construct a sentence. **

"**thank you" he finally said, taking the drink from her. **

"**t-t-t-thank you" she shuffled out of the door, clanging her trolley as she went. **

**He turned to me, looking relaxed again. **

"**what?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.**

"**you do know the effect you have on people. Don't you?" it never ceased to amaze me how quickly people fell under his spell, especially now I was under it too.**

"**I do. Yes" he didn't sound proud anymore. "but I don't understand why"**

"**you just do, you must possess special pheromones or something" I smiled at him. trying to keep him happy.**

"**it makes me jealous." I continued, not sure if this was the right thing to say.**

"**what do you mean? What does?" **

"**you have all of these beautiful people falling at your feet who would do absolutely anything to be close to you. They are all more beautiful than me, and so I'm jealous" we were both shocked at this, I didn't know I was going to go off on such a tangent, and yet I did, and such a revealing one too. **

"**none of them are more beautiful than you are" his voice was quiet, shaking like the woman who had bought the drinks. "and-" he paused, he seemed scared, worried, or nervous, maybe it was all three.**

"**and you are the only one I go to sleep with at night" he looked up, and smiled shyly. His natural ability to say such things put me to shame.**

"**I'd better be the only one" I said, taking his tea cup and placing my glass and it down on a small table. "because if not, I'll kill whoever else has touched you"**

**.;.;.;.;.y;.;.;u.;.;.k.;.;.;.i;.;.;.;.;**

**His words were shockingly similar to mine, and I wondered if maybe he had heard me, but I reassured myself he was asleep, I had slept next to him enough times to know. **

**His possessiveness rose a feeling inside of me, something like pride, happiness and a need for him.**

"**the same goes for you. I'd kill you **_**both**_**" **

**I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him into a tight hug. I sighed, letting out a breath I didn't know I was holding. His head was on my shoulder, resting lightly upon me. I didn't realize how much I needed this embrace, or how much I depended on him now for comfort. Before him, I had no care for physical comfort, for physical touch, that I now craved. **

**He held me tightly, as if trying to stop me from leaving. **

"**Kyo" I wanted to ask him to kiss me, but I couldn't form the words. he pulled away and looked at me. I cupped the side of his face, bringing him gently closer to me. I pressed my lips softly against his a chaste kiss that spoke more of affection than anything else. I rolled down the neck of his jumper to look at the mark I had left last night, it was large, purplish and obvious to anyone's eye.**

**I tilted his head sideways, his eyes keeping their gaze fixed on mine. I pressed my lips to the sore skin, kissing it deeply, as if reminding him that it was there. He let out a long gasp, I thought maybe he might expect me to bite him, to nip at his sensitive skin, but I wouldn't. All I would do is kiss it, over and over again. His wandering hands gripped onto the back of my shirt as he was mewling at me, if you stroke a cat on its neck, it will purr. My cat liked his neck to be licked, he wouldn't purr, but he would react in other, obvious ways. **

"**can we lock that door?" he whispered. **

**His train of thought made me smile, although deep down I was nervous, I too wanted what I suspected he was hoping was going to happen. I looked over and there was a latch to pull across, whether or not I could make it to the door to put said latch across was a totally different matter. We both stared at the door, if ever there was a time to develop telekinesis, this would be it. Unfortunately, the door didn't lock of its own accord. We looked at each other, waiting to see who would give in first and leave their place on the chair. It wasn't going to be me. **

**As my eyes burned into you, you sighed, giving up and not willing to get into an argument over something that would lead to...that. I watched you walk across the small, box of a room, that was decorated in such a way that it looked like a cupboard in a five-star hotel. You looked slightly out of places amongst the classical revivalist decor, nevertheless, I wouldn't place you anywhere else in the world at that moment, than on that train with me. The chain jangled as you pulled it across, turning around your face was reddened by the audacity of the action and how it confirmed what was going to happen. He shuffled nervously over to me, his feet sounded strange upon the carpet, it didn't seem to affect him though, he had other things on his mind. **

**When he reached the seat, he held out his hand, not sitting down, instead indicating for me to stand up. Took his outstretched hand, his fingers closing tight over my own, he pulled me suddenly in close to him, his strength overwhelming me for a moment. He held me, his arms around my waist and I felt like a woman he had just won in a battle, the pride in his face was easily readable, I didn't understand what he had to feel proud about. I found it difficult to resign myself over to being 'the woman' yet I felt like I could let it pass with him, he wouldn't hurt me like I had been before. I would be safe with him, and so slowly I overcame my fear.**

**I lifted my arms around his neck, half expecting him to break into a ballroom dance, I was relieved when he didn't. He leant close to me and kiss my lips gently, his arms began to wander tracing patterns on my back through my shirt. His fingers sent shudders through me, each hair on the back of my neck stood on end, and the pace of my breath quickened. I wandered if he would always be able to do this to me, just his touch made my mind run away with itself, his hands upon me, on my clothes, made me think of what they could do to my bare skin, calloused and tanned, they would appear dark upon me, as I was so pale. With these thoughts, I had to rest my head upon his shoulder for support. I took my hands from around his neck and ran them down the small space between us. I hooked them under the bottom of his jumper, under his shirt and onto his warm stomach underneath, he sighed deeply, lifting his hands over his head, telling me wordlessly to take the garments off. We were the same height, strangely we had always been so, yet at that moment I felt a lot smaller than him, and so I struggled with removing them. Maybe it was the act in itself, or maybe it was my nerves getting the better of me. He said nothing of my inability to undress him without his help, instead he just aided me, throwing the clothes carelessly on the floor beside him. I was wearing a heavy side buttoned jacket, lined to keep out the cold, and underneath layered shirts of various thicknesses and colours. He didn't know this, and I almost laughed at the fun he would have trying to take them all off. **

**He expertly worked the buttons undone, he seemed to have no nervousness about him. the shirt fell to the floor of its own accord, underneath I wore a long sleeved shirt, black. I colour that didn't suit me much, he didn't care however, lifting it easily over my head and placing it on the floor with no more care that the rest of the items. He looked puzzled to see a another shirt beneath it, wasted no time in taking that off too, taking the remaining two shirts off with it. **

**He looked at them, amused as he dropped them to join the others. His hands were upon me once again, tracing circles all over me, he leant in close and kissed my neck, his lips finding their home just between the bottom of my throat and the beginning of my collar bones. My knees shook almost out of their sockets I held the back of his head for support, my fingers tangled in his hair, locking him to me, he wouldn't get away. The heat coming from his tongue was almost unbelievable, the moist warmth made me tremble, as did his gentle hands, making sure they touched every inch of me. **

**My lungs rattled in my chest, the air escaping them all too quickly. I almost suffocated as he moved lower, nipping at my collarbone, my skin tight between his teeth. I gasped out loud my fingers dropping from his hair to his shoulders grasping tightly onto him, his hands wrapped around my arms gently holding me up, as he slid even further down my body. I blushed at the direction he was taking, not sure of how to act, I had never been in this kind of situation before, I didn't know how to look, how to act, what to do with myself. His tongue snaked out of his mouth, trailed down my chest and to my stomach, lathing around my belly button. It tickled madly and I began to giggle squirming away, and so he gripped me tightly by the hips as he dropped to his knees. He looked up at me, desire clear in his eyes, so much so that I was almost scared of what would happen, whether I, like Ayame and Shigure would be limping soon. My skin heated and tingled as I looked down upon him he was so serious, so consumed by his longing that he almost seemed like a different person. He let go of my hips, moving his hands around to my front, slipping my belt undone, not even needing to look at what he was doing, the belt was undone, the buttons of my trousers popped open, and my fly opened. He looked away from me then and instead fixed his gaze upon my open trousers. he looked nervous then, for the first time since he had begun this. I on the other hand, was openly terrified although I wanted this to happen. He pressed his lips to me once again, his mouth finding its way to my hip, nibbling at the bones that stuck out slightly. **

**I whimpered, closing my eyes, trying to get the image of him out of my mind, but he was everywhere all over me, he moved lower still slower than I could handle, I knew what he was going to do, and it made my stomach somersault. His fingers hooked under the waistband of my boxer shorts and began to cautiously pull them down. **

**My eyes flew open, shock, fear and the urge to run overcame me. I didn't know if I could allow his to see me like I was, hard and aching. Something so blatant, his seeing such a private part of me so openly made me terrified. **

"**is it ok Yuki?" his hot breath flushed against my skin, his voice shook and gave away his true fear. **

**It took all of the courage I could muster to nod my head, to let him know I wanted this. For a moment he halted, unable to carry on through his nerves. I ran my fingers through his hair, my hand shaking, I wanted to reassure him that it was ok, we would be scared together. **

**He carried on pulling my trousers down, slower than before it was almost maddening. My ears pricked as I heard a cat meowing. He looked up at me.**

"**you heard that too?" he asked, trough ragged breaths.**

"**is there a cat in here?" I said it without thinking**

"**is that supposed to be funny?" he grumbled looking down at the floor.**

"**oh! No! I didn't mean it like that, I just heard meowing...you did too" it happened again, then again. It was irritating and very repetitive. **

"**that's not real" he said. **

"**what do you mean it isn't real?"it sounded a ridiculous statement.**

"**it's-" he stopped, and began rooting through my shirt pocket, "-this" he dangled my phone in front of me. It was meowing loudly at me.**

"**they had to do something like this didn't they?" I took it from him, answering it nervously. **

"**hello?" **

"**ne! Yuki-kuuuuun! It's me Aya!" I sighed inwardly, it seemed they would always find a way to interrupt us. **

"**what do you want?" I mumbled.**

"**ohhhh now that's not a nice way to talk to me now is it! I chose this phone for you! I take it I've interrupted you?" my stomach flipped. "I wanted to see how you are Yuki-kun! You should be on the train now ne?"**

"**yes, we are" I looked down at Kyo, on his knees, sat awkwardly, looking up at me with unusually large eyes, in talking to Ayame, I seemed to gain some lucidity, this was mad. **

"**how sweet!" I was beginning to feel sick at his voice, but then his tone changed. "I hope you enjoy yourself, really Yuki-kun. Time away from the family is precious."**

" **I know" the words escaped my mouth in a hushed whisper.**

"**I know..."he paused, the only time I had ever heard Ayame think before talking "I know, I have failed you as a brother. I didn't do things for you that I should have, and for that I cannot apologise enough. I just want you to know, when you're ready, I'll be here for you. For both of you."**

"**uhm..." I didn't know what to say.**

"**I have to go now!" he tried to sound like the usual Ayame, yet it was obviously fake.**

"**Ayame..." I couldn't leave it like that. **

"**yes?" I could hear water pouring in the background.**

"**thank you" it took everything I had within me to say those words and not throw up, yet I knew I meant it. **

"**you don't need to thank me. It's what I'm here for." **

**Then the line went dead. I held the phone away from me looking at the screen as if it would show me what had just happened. **

"**what did he say?" Kyo was still down on his knees.**

"**he was....weird." I sat slowly down and looked over at him, all the desire that had built up within me was now gone. **

"**he wants to be my brother." I was talking more to myself than to him. **

"**he already is your brother" he thought maybe I might need reminding. **

"**no. He wants to act like it." With this he seemed to understand what I meant with this statement. "both of them. They're both being so strange about this. So...ok with it. That it's worrying me."**

"**hmm" it seemed he hadn't realized. "do you think they're planning something?"**

"**I don't know. I think maybe, they know something we don't" I bit my lip, trying not to think of the things that might happen when we arrived home again,**

**He took my hand in his, and squeezed it gently.**

"**you'll be ok, whatever happens. Ok?" I didn't like his use of the word 'you'.**

**I didn't answer. I had no words for him. I knew that until we got home, until Christmas was over, I would have a strange sense of dread looming over me like a black cloud. While deep in thought about what was awaiting us when we got home, he leant over and pulled me close to him, almost lifting me like a child, and my worried body was pliable and accepting to his touch. He wrapped me tight in his arms, once again showing the confidence he had earlier. Sometimes it was good to have someone who would not mock you for admitting your weaknesses, it was nice to have someone to accept me for my less than perfect, true self. **


	33. Welcome to Kanazawa

Just a short chapter today...i have been sooo busy....hope to knock another one out tomorrow...and will kyo and yuki EVER get to do it? i dunno.....but they do have a hotel room all to themselves for a night.....hmmmmm......we'll see in the next chapter i guess.

i don't own this, and i dont make any money from it.

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We hadn't moved from our position on the floor, curled into each other, drifting in and out of awareness of our passing surroundings. The time passed quickly as I pressed my head to his chest, hearing his gently pulsing heart deep inside him, it soothed me, it reminded me that we were both human, and in this together, I had someone in my life who was as deeply devoted to me as I was to them.

I breathed in deeply, his scent consuming me. I loved him completely and my feelings for him overtook me.

The train came to a halt, pulling into the station with a jolt, I felt him shift to peer and see what it was like.

"wow" he sounded an excited child, unsure of what to expect from outside the window.

I pulled away from him looking up out of the window to see what he was so amazed about. My eyes focused and it occurred to me what he was so shocked at. There were people lining the platforms, waiting to board the return train to Tokyo, they could see in through the glass, and we were half naked.

"Kyo!" I felt like an exposed woman, and I moved to shelter my chest.

"what?" he didn't seem to realize.

"we're half naked! We have to get dressed" I scrambled for my clothes, all of my shirts, my heavy jacket and clumsily put them on as quickly as I could.

He seemed amused: "you know, they don't know who we are. It's ok. I think"

"what do you mean it's ok! We have to get off this train. And those people will see us. It's obvious what we were....doing" I felt like punching him, for the first time since this had began. I couldn't understand for the life of me why he was so comfortable about the situation, to say it was out of character, I would expect him to be as embarrassed and panicky as I was. Yet he seemed absolutely fine about it. I stood up, zipping my fly and doing up my belt. There were people just outside the window, yet they weren't looking in. I sighed, scared and shaking for some reason. He casually slipped his shirt on, and turning his jumper in the right way before putting that on. He took my hand, held it tightly and kissed me on the cheek, then walked past me to unlatch the door. I followed still stunned, and waiting for myself to wake up from whatever nightmare I was having.

I followed him to the open doors of the train feeling a little out of myself, and looking around I gasped. It was a small platform, much smaller than the ones I had seen before, it was modern, yet old fashioned in a way I couldn't describe. We found the exit after much asking, and walked out, under a massive wooden archway. I looked up with wide eyes as I moved under it, in awe like a child, I wasn't paying attention, so much so that I bumped into someone, they cursed at me and were gone before I could even apologise. He looked at me smiling, he was as amazed as I was, yet he was better at hiding it, I hoped.

"so where-" he stopped, jumping in shock as his pocket began to squeak, they must have also set his phone to vibrate. He quickly retrieved the phone, not being able to bear the vibration of the phone for long. He looked at the screen.

"Shigure" he grumbled as he answered.

I could hear the dog from where I stood, even through the passing traffic.

"ne! Kyo-kun! Are you there yet!?" he screamed.

"yes" the cat was somewhat less enthusiastic.

"good! Have fun! And be good! And if you can't be good, don't get caught!"

We both cringed, he was expecting us to sleep together, I didn't see how he expected us to do so if he and Ayame insisted on phoning every five minutes.

I was admittedly feeling a little aggravated at being in such a situation with Kyo, and not being able to....release. these thoughts ran through my head at a million miles an hour. He was still listening to Shigure talk on the phone:

"...and take lots of pictures ok!"

"how are we supposed to do that?" Kyo was getting annoyed, I cloud hear it in his voice.

"there's a camera on your phones!" Shigure sang.

"I have to go" his voice was quaking with the inevitable explosion that would follow more conversation with the dog. Shigure must have recognised it too, as he giggled and said goodbye, hanging up the phone.

He held the phone so tightly in his hand that I thought it might break. He looked at me, that old look in his eye that he had when he was challenging me, I felt like getting defensive, it wasn't my fault, I didn't wind him up, instead I smiled at him, hoping that wouldn't wind him up even more. Something within him melted, and I knew we were ok again.

We should find the hotel, so we know where we're staying. I took the tickets and hotel information from my pocket, and read the name: ANA Crowne Plaza Hotel.

I read it aloud, hoping he would know where to go. It didn't occur to me that he had no idea where he was going either.

"they could have given us a map." I said more to the piece of paper than to him. he turned around, looking 360 degrees around him.

"there it is" I looked at him in disbelief.

"what?" if this was a joke it wasn't funny.

He took my shoulders and turned me around to look where I had had my back turned to. There, stood the ANA Crowne Plaza Hotel.

"how convenient." I was too shocked to say anything else. I felt a bit stupid at not seeing it myself.

We walked through the doors and into the massive lobby, approaching the desk I felt as if I would be thrown out any second for being underage. There was a woman sat in a comfortable looking desk chair talking on the phone, taking a booking. She looked up at me and Kyo smiling apologetically. When she had finished, she placed the phone on the hook and looked up at us both.

"how may I help you?" she was blushing, looking at us both, she may have thought we were attractive. She may have just thought us strange.

"uhm..we need to check in" I tried to sound confident, yet I noticed my voice faltering.

"names please?" Shigure must have booked separate rooms, that would be the best approach, I felt relieved at the fact she would not realize we were together.

"Sohma, both of us are Sohma"

She typed the names into the computer, smiling broadly as she went to retrieve our keys.

"the honeymoon suite" she beamed as she handed them over.

"it's on the top floor. Enjoy!" she had gone a dark pink colour, and her grin was making me furious.

We walked away, quickly. Reaching the lift I stabbed at the button for the top floor, the doors couldn't have closed quick enough. Kyo just stood there staring across the hall at nothing in particular.

"I'm going to kill them. I really am."

I looked over at him.

"oi"

He turned to face me, his face red and his eyes wide.

"I'm going to kill them" I repeated, wanting him to acknowledge my anger and agree with it. He seemed to be ignoring me until he replied:

"don't worry, I'm going to help you."


	34. Cold Wind Blows

**here is the next chapter. hope you like. it's gonna get more serious from here on in i think. what with going to the main house and all. let me know what you think. **

**i dont own FB, and i dont make any money from this. **

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The room was minimal and spacious, along the back wall was the biggest bed I had ever seen in my life, it could have easily taken up the whole of my room. It faced a wall of windows and frameless doors, to the right of this wall of glass, was a table, it was covered with vases of flowers, roses, orchids, and what looked like daisies, I noticed however that there were no lilies, much to my relief.

Upon the pillows of our bed was a bottle of champagne and a box of chocolates. I cringed, thinking of what they expected us to do up here. Yuki walked to the windows sliding open the near invisible doors and walking out onto a large balcony that overlooked the whole of Kanazawa, he stood far away from the edge, reaching a spot and then not moving.

I followed him, wanting to join him in what he was seeing. I walked beside him, taking his hand in mine and holding it lightly, feeding of off of his natural heat. I took a deep breath, the air here was fresher, purer than at Shigure's, it filled my lungs and cooled an ache within them I didn't realize I had.

I began to take steps forward yet he didn't follow me and so I jolted to a halt. I looked at him questioningly.

"i-i don't.....like....heights" he looked to the floor, not used to admitting his weaknesses to anyone.

"it's ok Yuki." I held his hand tightly, "it's ok, come with me, walk with me."

He took a few small steps forward to catch up with me, then letting go of my hand, he wrapped his arm around my waist, holding tightly onto my shirt. We walked together, awkwardly, more likely to trip and fall than we would if walking by ourselves. But he took baby steps towards the edge of the balcony, his grip on me becoming tighter with every footfall. I spoke encouragingly as we moved:

"it's ok, Yuki. You'll be fine."

He just nodded. His breath was becoming shaky.

"I didn't know you were scared of heights"

"I'm _not _scared" his voice wobbled as much as he did. "it's just really high....did you see how many floor we just came up?"

"yeah" I sighed.

He stopped just as he reached the railing, not resting his hands upon it. The view was amazing, nothing like I had ever seen before, he looked too, although with wider eyes, filled with more wonder and amazement than my own, he was full of fear. I remember this as the first real time I had truly wanted to protect him. he was so vulnerable, and I felt that maybe I could be the one person in life who could always be there, mimicking every step he took just to make sure he was ok, that he made it through the day without anything bad happening to him.

I leant over the edge a bit, to see how high we really were. He grabbed me with both hands, and was about to shout when he stopped himself. I saw his reaction and knew he thought I was going to fall, jump, or do something else that was equally a bad idea. I didn't say anything, instead leaning close to him and hugging him tightly.

"I don't think rats are supposed to like heights anyway" I smiled to myself thinking of the few times I had seen him in high places a vision of him scrambling onto Shigure's roof entered my mind and I almost laughed.

"and cat's are?!" he grumbled into my jumper.

"of course we do, that's why I spend the majority of my time in high places"

"hmmph"

I steered him away from the edge and back into the room, and slowly his tense shoulders began to relax. I left him just inside the door and went to sit on the bed. It was soft, luxurious, and totally over the top. He came to sit beside me, looking at me from the corner of his eye.

"oi" it seemed strange to hear him refer to me in such a way after everything that had happened between us.

"what?"

"don't tell anyone. About the heights" he looked down at the floor.

"I won't" I felt happy that he had been able to admit his fears to me.

"I mean it Kyo."

"so do I" I smiled at him, melting his frosty exterior.

"so, what do you want to do? It'll be getting dark soon....and....we don't have any money" I grumbled at him, laying back on the bed.

" I have some money. We can buy dinner with that" he stated more calmly than I expected.

"I couldn't expect you to pay for me Yuki." I almost felt insulted that he would want to.

He looked down upon me, his eyes relaxed and accepting of his surroundings.

"it's ok. I get stupid amounts of money from the main house anyway. I may as well spend it." He rested a hand on my stomach, it felt strange there, yet it was as if his energy was flowing through that hand into me.

"let's go" he said this, yet he didn't make any attempt to move, and so I sat up, wearily getting to my feet, and pulling him up with me. Pocketing the room key, I guided us out to the lift.

"we don't even have a map" he groaned as I pressed the button to the ground floor.

"I'm sure the woman at the desk will give us one."

"I'm not going back there! That was so embarrassing! You can ask" he was whispering for no obvious reason

"fine" I said through gritted teeth.

The lift played music typical of what you would expect, and on such a long journey from top to bottom, it became quite infuriating. I still held his hand, it was comforting to me, to know he didn't mind/ even though there were cameras around that would see us, and the doors could open at any moment to reveal a coach load of tourists.

We were however, approaching the ground floor and I had to let go through fear of the woman behind the desk waiting for us magically outside. My letting go shocked us both, I moved closer to him in compensation, this seemed to keep him happy.

There was a loud 'ping' and the doors opened to reveal an elderly western couple who seemed equally as bewildered as we were. They looked us up and down trying to make sense of us I suppose. We both didn't look our tidiest and our hair was always strange to people who didn't know us. I smiled, getting out of the confined area as quickly as possible, he stood for a moment longer, perhaps not noticing I had moved. I walked as confidently as I could over to the desk, there was now a different woman sat behind it, she was much older than the last one.

"do you have a map we could have please?" my voice was louder and stronger than I had expected.

She looked up at me through bespectacled eyes which clearly contained some underlying malice, I had distracted her from her book.

"you are guests at the hotel?" she spoke shortly, and as she said this she looked over my shoulder to Yuki, who had just joined me.

"yeah" I raised an eyebrow, all I wanted was a map.

"your surnames please"

"uhm...Sohma" I couldn't understand why she was so intent on making sure we were staying there.

Nevertheless she typed our surname into the computers and her face dropped slightly, it must have come up with he room details. Without saying anything she turned around and got two maps from a large pile behind her, and handed them over.

"your room service will be delivered at nine o'clock tonight." She said, look up at me like I should be ashamed.

"room service?"

"you have ordered room service, sugared strawberries, green tea and warm milk"

I looked around to Yuki, seeing that he too, had understood what was going on. Shigure and Ayame had ordered it for us.

"thank you" the words had no meaning to them, the slow burning fury I had contained within myself, all saved for Shigure and Ayame was building and soon it would explode. He pushed to door open, walking just in front of me and a frozen wind blew in and straight through me. A jumper was not enough. It would have been nice to receive at least some prior notice of this trip, I could have at least bought clothes then.

The street was quiet, no people were around which surprised me because of our neighbouring railway station. I looked up at the sky, no clouds, just stars and a bright fat moon looking down upon us. Opening the map I found places of interest, about half a mile away there was a part of the city that was made up entirely of old fashioned buildings, shops and restaurants. I held the map out to Yuki.

"do you want to go here?" there were no pictures only a description and after reading it a smile spread over his face.

"sounds good"

"you sure? I don't want to get there and have to leave because you don't find it interesting."

"yes! I'm sure!"

As we turned to our right, walking into the wind, it blew through my hair, and as I opened my mouth to say something a gust took my breath away. He looked over at me, his own hair being pushed in front of his eyes, and his skin becoming paler from the cold. I felt slightly uncomfortable at the idea that entered my head yet it seemed necessary and it seemed the thing that I wanted to do deep down, and my heart fluttered lightly in my chest as I checked the street in front and behind us for people. There was an elderly couple, maybe the same people we had seen as we exited the lift quite far behind us, and there was no one ahead. So I edged closer to him, so near our shoulders almost touched. He looked over at me, wondering what I was doing, yet he said nothing. I gently took his hand in mine, so smooth, delicate and cold. The skin froze mine momentarily, yet it seemed this icicle was melting against my heat. For a moment he looked at me panicked, yet as he realized the very quiet situation of the street he calmed slightly, he didn't, however stop looking around for people.

Our walk was a brisk one, our legs carrying us quickly to our destination. The December air here was more brutal than that at home. All of the shops we passed were closing, or closed. Very few were open, and those that were, were empty. The lights were warming and welcoming as the sky was slowly darkening.

"you ok?" I had finally caught my breath enough.

"yes. You?" he looked at me with eyes that were tired, his face was pink from the cold.

"I'm ok. I'm cold though. I think" I didn't think, I knew. but I didn't want to seem girlish in front of him.

He nodded. "me too. Are we almost there?"

The route was a convenient straight line. We must have covered a significant amount of it by now, so I nodded.

Our pace slowed slightly at the lights before us, there were people suddenly in front of us, torches, both electric and fire lined the streets, people wore heavily lined Yukatas much like Shigure's, they seemed lost in time. We finally stopped, just outside what appeared to be an invisible barrier between the world we stood in now, and the one before us.

I was about to say something along these lines when yuki's phone began to meow. I looked at his pocket, there were only two people who could logically be phoning.

He cautiously answered.

"hello?"

It was Shigure, I leant close enough to him to listen.

"Yuki-kun! It's me!"

"I know"

"we have a problem, we need you to come back early tomorrow....not spend the day" he crooned.

"why? What do you mean a problem?"

This made my heart sink, and from the look Yuki gave me, it seemed to have the same effect upon him too.

"Akito wants us all there a day early. We have to leave tomorrow afternoon. At four o'clock." He was deadly serious, a state that I had barely ever seen Shigure in.

"oh" it was all he could manage.

"the ten o'clock train should get you here in plenty of time. I'm sorry." He sounded sincere.

"ok Shigure. Goodbye"

"byeeeee!" the dog hung up, and Yuki was left once again staring at the phone in horror.

"Yuki" I whispered. He looked at me with an expression that spoke of fear. He was feeling the same earth shattering pain that I was. The end was coming, and it was approaching quickly.


	35. Tonite Reprise

**this is a sad one :( it's also pretty long, which is why it took ages. let me know what you think. **

**i dont own fruits basket, or 'tonite reprise' by the smashing pumpkins. and i dont make any money from this. **

**And the embers never fade in my city by the lake  
The place where I was born  
As the wind-up toys wind down  
Muffling the sound of a life hidden underground  
Believe, believe in me**

As I hung up the phone, he looked at me with a kind of fear I had never seen in him before, the colour was completely gone from within him, in some strange way it took my breath away, he could look so beautiful even when in such a state of mental distress.

"what are we going to do?" the words were clearly forced out of him, his voice shook, cracked and was barely audible.

"we'll do whatever we have to" I felt powerless, lost amongst all of this, I wanted to tell him that everything was ok, that we'd be fine, because we had each other, yet at the thought of what was awaiting us when we returned I realized the prospects were not good.

"I can't lose you" he looked to the floor, his shoulders sinking, and his frame shaking with what I knew was the start of sobbing.

The words struck me deep inside, he felt as I did, he knew anything could happen, and that anything would. Akito was, after all the most unpredictable of us all.

"you won't lose me, I won't let them take you away from me."

His teary eyes looked up at me, they seemed so vulnerable, so lost and needing of reassurance. I had never seen Kyo in such a state, he was strong, despite being so caught up in beating me and preoccupied with hating me. It threw me off balance.

Looking around for people, I saw some were approaching us from both sides, they seemed to be buzzing like moths around the gentle lights of the historical scenes that surrounded us. Nevertheless, he needed me, and I would never leave him in such a state, someone so precious to me needs to be protected, and so I took his hand and squeezed it tightly soon coming to realize that this wouldn't suffice, he only cried more, his eyes becoming distanced. The people around me and their opinions of what was happening between me and him were out of my mind completely, as I took him into my arms, his strong body suddenly felt small and fragile. He hugged me back tightly, causing me to gasp for breath, yet I was not about to tell him to stop. As I held him close, he let his sobbing reach full force, and he shook. Seeing him like this, so ruined by fear and torn with worry made me despair. Made me cry for what was going to happen to my Kyo, what Akito was going to do with him when she got her hands on him, and soon my tears were as big as his.

Even through our blatant display of terror, I tried to reassure him telling him we would be ok. We always had options, we could never go back if he wanted. Through all of this however, he remained silent.

In a bid to comfort him further, I ran my fingers through his hair, along his neck, over his back, so lovingly, so gently, almost like a mother to a hurt child. I repeated the act over and over, and it did seem to have some effect, his shaking slowed a bit, his fists let go of my shirt a little and he took deep breaths between sobs. From the corner of my open eye, I noticed people staring at us, wondering what kind of situation put us both in the corner crying on each other. They must have wondered if we were family, which we were, or if we were lovers, which we were also, however I got the distinct feeling that none of these people were wondering if we were both. Some were looking at us disapprovingly, such displays of emotion were of course, looked down upon, and between two men made it even worse.

I didn't care, they could frown all they liked, I had a horrible feeling this would be our last night sleeping in the same bed. Thoughts of Hatori wiping the memories of my friends came back to mind and I almost fell to the floor at the idea of him making us forget what had happened between us, the idea of living without him now seemed impossible, to see him scorn at me would cut me like a knife, even if they wiped my memory too. There would always be a piece of him within me, no matter what they did to us, I hoped he felt the same. He pulled away slightly, just so he could see my face and look at me, then he spoke:

"I don't think I can walk around tonight. Not now" his voice was still trembling.

I nodded, I felt the same, I couldn't even talk.

"can we go back to the hotel?"

"yeah" it was a whisper, nothing more, there was nothing else I could manage. He pulled his arms from around me, sliding his hand along my arm to take my hand. I didn't object, I wanted him near to me for as long as possible, for as long as he could be before he was ripped away from me.

We walked slower than usual, as if time would stop if we didn't reach the hotel soon, our coldness was forgotten, it was replaced with something all together more sorrowful. The same cold wind blew in gusts around us, now seemingly powerless against our combined fear.

People watched us as we walked by, as we ghosted past them with reddened eyes and pale cheeks our warm hands connected us to each other, this join felt invincible against the elements, against the people who were staring at us, against the passing night, yet it felt weak against Akito, she was of course, far stronger than the things described.

I looked to the floor, watched my feet as they carried me along the pavement, several paces slower than my usual gait.

"I'm scared" there came a whimper from kyo's direction.

"I know, I know you are. And I'm sorry" I tried to sound strong, tried to be the one of us who wouldn't crumble, the one that would bring us though this situation, yet I couldn't, I too was as weak as he.

"sorry for what?" he looked at me.

"sorry for getting you into this. If I hadn't written that crappy journal....you...wouldn't have to be suffering....this" my tears made another appearance.

He stopped in his tracks looking at me with pure anger, all trace of fear and worry gone from him.

"don't you ever regret this!" his voice was threatening, a violent whisper.

I looked up at him, feeling like a naughty child.

"what?"

"don't ever regret what has happened between us! If you regret it then there was no point in it happening in the first place. You have to be thankful for it, be pleased it happened because if you aren't then there's no way in the world that your feelings for me could ever have been real, and I can't bear that thought"

I was too shocked to reply.

"whatever happens to us both, never regret that I love you" his voice was choked.

Although I had never thought of it, I realized exactly what he meant, I knew how I would feel if he regretted my feeling for him, I would be torn to pieces.

"I won't" my vision clouded with welling tears.

"never" he was slowly losing control.

"never" I repeated.

"good" he looked down at the floor, in the way I had been before.

I took up his hand and continued our walking, leading him to follow.

I felt a little braver, knowing that he was going to be near me in my heart always, even if he was distanced from me in body. I pressed my fingers tight around his hand, claiming him as mine, if only for the night ahead.

We passed buildings that were nothing out of the ordinary, they blended into a blanket black background that surrounded us and threatened to absorb us. We had walked past these buildings before, yet with no landmarks I could not see how close we were, or weren't, to the hotel, there were lights, but only in the distance. The distance seemed longer on the return than it had on the way, yet I was thankful for the bitter cold of the air, it filled my lungs in such a way as to relax me, even if only a little.

I flake of white landed upon my eyelash, and with my free hand I tried to rid myself of it, only for it to be joined with another one. It was snowing. I looked up to the sky, cloud had silently crept over the blackness and stars, and was raining down upon us with its mysterious beauty. He looked up too. Shielding his eyes and shivering at the realisation of just how low the temperature had dropped. Turning to look at me, he smiled faintly. This expression was empty, and I felt sad for that, I wanted him to feel everything when he was with me, to know that he was truly alive, at the moment, it was our fear of not being alive for long that tormented us.

We walked at a quicker pace our bodies not withstanding the cold too well. The lights gradually came closer, warmth was quickly approaching.

We reached the hotel. The light spilled through the large glass doors and windows, the same woman sat behind the desk as when we left, she saw us approaching, and Kyo tried to drop my hand. I wouldn't let him. I pulled the heavy door open, heat hitting my face, I could feel my cheeks flush in the sudden change of temperature.

The woman watched us intently as we walked to the lift, Kyo was obviously uncomfortable under such disapproving scrutiny his hand began to sweat. This didn't deter me though, we were going to our room, we were going to go to bed, to sleep, beside each other, skin against skin, because we needed each other.

The lift was on the bottom floor, and so opened immediately. We stepped in together, still linked by our hands, and as the door closed I saw the woman behind the desk shake her head.

We were alone in a little piece of the world, even if it was brushed aluminium and playing a jingle that belonged on television. I looked over at him, his face was beaten by the wind, worn down from crying and tired from travelling, he looked dishevelled, like a fallen angel. I leant close to him, and kissed him quickly on the cheek. He looked shocked, yet appreciative. It was then that idealized that what he needed tonight was contact.

Looking back on it, it makes sense, nobody ever touched the cat, his mother couldn't, or wouldn't, his father was distanced from him, Akito despised him, shishou, although loving, was not the kind of person who gave physical affection easily.

I was the only one to touch him, to want to touch him, or to be able to touch him, the only one who held him so close for hours at a time. He didn't want to lose that. now he had discovered the way touch and closeness felt, he understood it's healing properties. Tonight, I would not deny him touch for any reason.

The doors pinged open outside our room and he got the key out of his pocket, it's oversized tag read: 'honeymoon suite'. Those words held a sickening kind of irony now. nevertheless he didn't seem to pick up on it. The door swung open to reveal the large room just as we had left it. I dropped his hand and walked over to the bed sinking down on it without any grace or care about how I looked. I knew I didn't need to worry around him. he on the other hand seemed to be graceful in his movements for the first time in his life, he sat down slowly, taking care of where he placed himself, truly cat like. He sat looking down at me, his face still scarily void of any emotion other than fear.

Awkwardly I lifted my hand up to reach for his face.

"you're ok. You're going to be ok"

He didn't seem convinced.

"Kyo" I whispered, he looked down at me intently. "kiss me. Please" I felt my cheeks reddening, I had never asked for such a thing before in my life.

He hesitated before leaning down and pressing a chaste kiss upon my lips. I held him there, near to me, so he wouldn't move away. I wanted him near me, as much as I suspected he needed to be touched. He understood. He shifted, straddling me, his strong hips pressing against mine, his arms either side of me. I felt powerless, I could easily be hurt in such a position, yet I didn't worry.

I could feel him breathing, so close to me I almost absorbed him. his lips were on me again, softness against me that no one could ever match, softness that I wouldn't want anyone else to.

I opened my mouth accepting his probing tongue in, moaning as it traced its way along my own. My arms were tightly around him, pulling him close to me, pushing my mouth harder against his. I wanted to taste him fully, to memorise every millimetre of him, of his tongue, of the heated exchange between us so no matter what followed the next day I could always remember this. He broke the kiss, catching his breath and then he spoke:

"give me your phone" he whispered, as if there was someone across the room who would hear us.

"why?"

"just give it" he didn't sound angry at all, yet I knew I had no choice.

I wriggled my hand down between us, reaching into my pocket and awkward bringing the phone us and handing it to him. he took it, switched it off before throwing it across the other side of the bed, far away enough for it not to be a nuisance even if it decided to switch itself back on again. He repeated this with his own and threw it to join mine. Now we would definitely not be disturbed by Shigure or my brother.

I looked around for a clock on the wall, finding one above the bed. We had an hour and a half until the room service arrived. There would definitely be enough time. My heart fluttered at the realization of what we were going to do, and how much we both obviously wanted it. I did feel however, that I couldn't tell him I had no idea what to do. I had no idea how to touch him, and although I had a vague idea of what men did in bed together, it was nevertheless a very very very vague idea, anything that happened tonight would be pure guess work on my part.

This train of thought made me nervous, he must know more about this than I did. Would he think I was stupid for not knowing what to do?

He kissed me again, applying his full weight to me. Although I would never openly admit it Kyo was slightly taller than me, slightly heavier too. I was too delicate for my own good. I sat up slightly making sure our mouths were still connected, and so he followed me closely, I shifted back so I was leant on the overly luxurious pillows of the overly luxurious bed. The champagne and chocolates were beside me, looking at them made me angry and so I pushed them away lazily. Out of sight out of mind.

He lifted his right hand and slid it underneath all of my layers of clothing, it was hot on my skin, his calloused hands smooth upon my stomach. I gasped, this could be the last time. He moved his lips from my mouth to my neck, in one quick act that stunned me completely, his tongue was wet, hot against my cool flesh. His breath was becoming thin, fast, drifting over me in shallow waves that travelled over every inch of me.

He nipped lightly at me, pinching my skin beneath his teeth causing me to jolt and fist my hands into the front of his jumper. I wanted him to bruise me, I wanted a mark that would claim me as his, something to remember him by, if only temporarily.

His hand slipped higher and higher under my clothes, reaching up as far as he could, when he could move no higher he decided that the clothes were too much of a nuisance to leave on any longer. Removing his hand, he set about unbuttoning my coat. His fingers were clumsy, not being able to figure out the large buttons. I sat forward, making him sit back so he didn't have to prop himself up anymore. he found the coat easier to undo this way. While he was in this position, I lifted the jumper over his head getting a vague sense of de-ja-vu.

He slipped my coat off my shoulders letting it drop onto the bed behind me. Remembering the shirts I was wearing he made a frustrated face, that only lasted for a few seconds, then he was once again back at work undressing me. There was no worry now, no time for obvious nervousness, our moments together were going to be fleeting, and time was steadily ticking on.

Gathering all of my shirts at once, he lifted them over my head. our torsos were now both bare, both needing contact with the other and both ready. I wrapped my arms tight around him, pulling him into my lap from his half-straddling position. I felt I needed control now, in drastic contrast to how I had felt earlier. He didn't seem to mind, accepting me fully, allowing himself to be dominated, even if only a little. It felt good, his weight upon me, it felt like he might ground me, keep me tethered to earth if I lost my mind. I took a deep breath in, inhaling his scent, feeling closer to him than I had ever been. He was truly everything to me, in these few quickly passing days I had built my life around him, he had changed me so completely that I knew I was a different person, and I was glad of that.

The cat had melted the icy cool rat, he had defied the legend, he had broken the Sohma tradition apart, and above all, he had learned to love. I was told stories, when I was little, about how each cat was born bitter, born angry at the world and unable to accept anyone or anything, especially themselves. All of this that we had done, the progress we had made together, because of each other would be undone tomorrow, the approaching hours were looming over me like a heavy cloud.

I ran my fingers over his back, I loved his masculinity, the way his muscles rippled beneath my touches, how his back moved with every heavy breath he took. Only a few months ago I would not have thought it possible to feel something like this for someone. Especially the cat.

As my hands reached the waist of his trousers he looked deep into my eyes, telling me with no need for words, that this was going to happen between us tonight, nothing in the world would interrupt this.

My fingers teased the waistband sliding only a little beneath it. His expression changed then, he was now a kind of Kyo that I didn't recognize, I could only hope that this Kyo before me now, was the Kyo of desire. for a moment we just sat there looking at each other, both afraid to move, or maybe just unwilling to. In my head I was playing through what I wanted to do, what was going to happen between us. At any other time I would have blushed, but at this moment I was just trying to figure out if everything I was experiencing was real, and if these acts I was envisaging would feel different in the flesh. I truly hoped not.

"what are you thinking?" he whispered, probably not intentionally.

I waited before answering, should I tell the truth? Would I even be able to? Should I just make something up?

"I'm thinking......." I sighed, I would not lie completely, "I'm thinking about how beautiful you are"

The words escaped before I could consider them, however, in hindsight I'm glad they did. Kyo naturally found it difficult to appreciate his own beauty this resulting from his constant abuse from the whole family as a child, including myself.

Guilt twinged inside me. He was more forgiving than he would ever give himself credit for. When he understood my words, he looked down at the bed feeling obviously uncomfortable.

"I'm not" he grumbled.

"you are" I felt confident for once, and lifting my hand, I rand my fingers under his chin tilting his head to look at me.

"no...I'm not...I'm-" I silenced him with a kiss clumsily placed upon his unsuspecting lips.

I managed to snake my fingers under the waistband of his trousers, under his boxer shorts, and onto the warm toned flesh of his lower stomach underneath. He shuddered, wrapping his trembling arms around me, submitting completely.

I wanted to touch him all over, to run my fingers over every inch of tanned skin. So in short: he needed to take the trousers off. I had no idea of how to go about asking him to do such a thing, biting my lip and inhaling deeply, I popped his top button undone. He looked down at me, his eyes closing as if the spectacle of what was about to happen would be too much for him to bear. I shook, finding it hard to believe I was really in this situation, with him. slowly, I unzipped his trousers. I blushed at the outright audacity of it, never in a million years was I prepared for this, yet in some strange way I was totally ready for it.

Looking at him, at the boxer shorts beneath the trousers, I saw that he was hard already. My face reddened even more. Closing my eyes, I reached over to him, turning my palm to his hardness, and cupping it. It felt odd to me, so unusual that it was actually real, actually a part of him, and the most private part of him at that. he gasped louder than I had ever heard him do so. This propelled me to go further, I began to rub, clumsily over his crotch. He seemed unable to control his hips as they thrusted to meet my hand strokes. He was sighing into my neck, almost purring as he mewled.

No phones would ring this time, no Shigure or Ayame, we were here, and we would finish this, I would know what it was like to be truly connected to him, if only once.

"ah-ah-y-yukiii" he was moaning my name, in a way I didn't know it could be said. It was like a new language.

His words, his noises spurred me on. I knew that this was ok for him, that he wouldn't freak out, or insult me for getting the wrong idea. Although this was still unbearably new to me, and I was simply judging by what I had done to myself only a few times before and I seemed to be doing ok.

I went at him with a bit more pressure, really learning how he felt, the shape of the rock hardness beneath my fingers, I paid as much attention as I could to memorising what parts of him made him tremble the most, the parts of him that nobody else knew how to touch, I wanted to find out. wanted to map him through touch, through exploration.

In my head, I ran through the next steps of our encounter, I would slip my hand inside his boxers and I would touch him skin on skin, my hand being warmed further from the heat of his length straining against me.

Although these thoughts were easily played out in my mind, they were still just imaginings. Putting them into action would be so much more difficult, would require bravery that I was unsure I could muster. That was until I looked at his face, of course. His face made all of the fear worth it, flushed, eyes closed his lashes seeming longer and heavier than before. His mouth hung open, his teeth showing slightly, his canines that were longer than your average human.

With nerves unknown to me before I moved my hand to his waistband trembling I slid a finger half under the aforementioned waistband. With this new contact he looked at me, his eyes opening quickly, widely, and I thought for a moment that I had gone too far, but as if sensing my hesitation, he nodded slowly, yes, this was ok, do it.

I took a deep breath, closing my eyes as if not to be conscious of my actions, and I slid my hand in further. I couldn't have expected the heat, yet it was there, I touched his hardness for the first time and it almost burned. My heart was in my throat stifling me to the point of suffocation, I could hardly bear it. To be so near him, in such a private place that was reserved for no one but me seemed surreal, and so I decided to pretend that this was just what it felt like, a dream.

Our breathing was deepening in unison, no one was touching me, there was no friction upon my groin, yet touching him made sparks fly within me, he was the petroleum to my fire. I loved him so deeply that I couldn't understand it, my mind couldn't comprehend such emotion, such intense feeling.

He was larger than I had expected. I wrapped my hand around him as much as I could and slowly began to stroke him, his skin moving beneath my grip and becoming harder still as blood flowed uncontrollably around his body. He was now gasping, grabbing onto air he couldn't find. his hands gripped my shoulders for support for his weakening body as he struggled to stay upright.

"c-can we lie down" the words were quick, said between breathy moans of maddening pleasure. I was doing this to him, all me.

I laid back, his body collapsing upon mine as I struggled to continue my ministrations. He had begun to sweat, maybe with desperation to be touched, maybe because our breath was all over each other, smothering each other. One of his hands slithered back, reaching behind him and pulling his boxer shorts and trousers down as far as he could, unveiling my hand holding his thickness tightly. I felt embarrassed to be out in the open doing such a thing, yet I wasn't about to let go. With a bit more wriggling he was free of the constricting garments, he was naked bare of anything that kept him from me.

His hand then slipped down to my trousers, it was my turn now, and I had no reason to be afraid.

"is this ok?" he gasped as soon as the words had left his lips. I had managed to stroke the entirety of his length with him in the position he was in. "I can't wait any longer"

I nodded. In truth, neither could I.

My button and zip were no problem to him, he seemed to be an expert at such actions now. without giving me time to blush or even to protest, he slipped my trousers from me, along with my underwear, causing my length to spring free and out into the air. This embarrassed me, how engorged I was at the thought of him, at the feel of him, which I had now lost because of his shifting positions to strip me.

I could feel his eyes on me, burning holes into my flesh looking at the part of me I had kept private all my life, at the part I had never expected anyone to see. And he was smiling. I pulled my arm over my eyes, unable to bear the seeming examination. He trembled in a similar fashion to me as he reached out to touch me. His hands were rougher than mine, they felt of more. The alien nerve endings tingled against my own and I almost died from the sudden jolt of sensation. His touches were light feathery sweeps across me, ghosting over me in ways I didn't know they could. I felt embarrassed that I couldn't touch him like he did me, that I didn't know how because I had not learned them. Yet he didn't seem fazed by my lack of knowledge, his face was still red he was biting his lip watching me as a squirmed, fisting my hands into the sheets.

"k-Kyo" it was a whimper, my bottom lip shaking. He looked down upon me, as if thinking whether he should listen to me of not, all through this, he continued to touch me.

"what?" his voice was considerably stronger than mine, although not up to its usual standards.

"c-come here" I needed him on me, near me, his skin against mine, heat on heat.

I think he understood, crawling up towards me, his hand leaving me, and propping himself up so he could be above me. He leant down, placing a harsh kiss upon my lips, any gentle affection was lost amid a desire that burned brighter than the sun. My head clouded I was disoriented by the mixed sensations, his hard body on mine, our hips pressed together, my hands on him, his skin shimmering with a light film of sweat, his crushing kisses upon my lips, and above all, his hot tongue in my mouth, letting me know he loved me deeply, deeper than he could express with words alone.

His hips jolted suddenly, brushing our lengths together with a quick motion. We both gasped in unison, the pleasure unexpected and completely new.

"do that again" initially this was a thought, but the words escaped my mouth between a smothering kiss.

And he did.

This time with more force, we were joined in the middle, grinding against each other with gasps and moans, my head was spinning wildly, the only thing in focus was him, was his face, burning itself upon my memory forever. It was a repetitive rhythm, one that grew in pace and force, harder and harder, I grasped his hips pulling him closer to me making sure he couldn't get away, he moaned, his skin over sensitised because of the friction between us, he must have been feeling the same thing I was, the tingling deep inside, the prickles all over me and the waves of some distant feeling gushing over me. I held him tightly, pressing my fingers into the soft flesh of his behind squeezing so he knew what he was doing was right.

"ah!"his voice was higher than usual, yet purely masculine.

I loved to touch him, this was new found. As I held him, I pulled him in to me, and moved myself up to meet him, this was more powerful and intense than all of our contact previously causing us both to cry out.

"I love you. I love you so much" he whispered in my ear, I trembled shaking violently.

"i-i-iAH!" I dug my nails deep into his skin, I wanted to tell him how I loved him too, how strongly I felt for him and how I wanted to be one with him.

"you what?" he was teasing me.

"I-" I felt like I was hyperventilating. "I l-love you too"

He smiled widely and slammed his groin to mine once again, this was going to finish soon. He slipped an arm between us wrapping his hand as far as he could around the both of us. Our pre-cum mixed together to slicken us making it easier for him to stroke us at the same time. His movements were awkward, clumsy and improvised. Even so, they bought me boundless pleasure. I looked up at him trying to dig deep inside his soul. Everything he was doing was too much, too much sensation, too many dizzying kisses.

I began to cry as my stomach knotted, twisting in a way it hadn't before. I moved my arms to his shoulders, making sure I lived every moment of this beautiful happening, for I knew it would be our last, as my tears fell from my eyes I kissed him, needing every part of him. a burn grew in the pit of my stomach rising quickly, it felt like nerves, like fear and every other thing I had ever felt in one huge swirl of emotion. Electric shot along my legs, along my spine and along my hardness as he stroked it with his own, and with his hand.

"k-k-yo! I think I'm going to..." he understood. He knew. and so he worked us both harder.

Every muscle in my body clenched for a moment, before being released in such a way that made me feel woozy, I erupted over his hand, over my stomach, and immediately after he followed gasping loudly for breath he couldn't find.

I had never felt so close to someone, never been so at one with someone. And knowing this would all be torn away from me, because of the poisoned blood that flowed through our veins, I pulled him closer to me wrapping him tightly to my chest and I continued to weep wishing that we would sleep, and that we would wake up somewhere else, somewhere that they couldn't find us, somewhere that we only existed.

Reality is harsh, and I knew that in truth all we had, the only thing in the world we possessed, was tonight.

**Believe, believe in me  
Believe  
That you can change, that you're not stuck in vain  
We're not the same, we're different tonite  
We'll the crucify the insincere tonite  
We'll make things right, we'll feel it all tonite  
The impossible is possible tonite  
Believe in me like I believe in you tonite**


	36. Whispering Wind

**here is the new chapter. hope you like it, let me know what you think. thankyou for all of the reviews, and i'm sorry if you haven't recieved a reply! my life has been all up in the air recently, and i'm going to try my best to reply to all of them from now on. **

**also, if you're interested, over on my livejournal, which is totally empty atm, i'm going to publish and exclusive shigure/hatori oneshot called 'nightswimming' i have only set it up recently, and so i have no friends or anything yet, so it'd be good for you to add me. expect the story in a few days, or maybe tomorrow. it depends on how much time i have to write it. .com/**

**i dont own fruits basket, and i make no money from this. **

**X-v-X**

**like the whispering wind you sent to me  
like the hopeless time you gave to me  
I watched your dreams all slip away  
I watched your dreams all slip away  
there's a hopeless place inside my heart  
when I look inside I see where we are  
like the whispering wind in the top of my trees  
i will watch the sky come following me  
like the rain on my windows late every night  
like the hope I have for us every time  
it's like the whispering wind in the top of the trees  
I see it sway as you come for me**

The morning had been a strange one. I sat wrapped in kyo's arms on the train as it sped past trees and countryside, all an eerie bright white. Our time together had passed too quickly, and now in the cold sunlight of a winter morning, I felt like a lamb being put to the slaughter. We had been on the train for three hours, we had ordered no drinks, no breakfast, and had spoke no words to each other. Our silence was uncomfortable, it loomed over us, yet it was there to stay.

We walked together, slowly along the track to Shigure's house. Hatori's car was in drive, no doubt ready to take us to the main house. My stomach sank at the thought of it, yet I didn't let any of this show to Kyo, I would not let him be sunk into misery that same way I was. Although, looking at him, he didn't seem in a much better state.

Opened the front door quietly, not wanting to rouse any of our housemates from whatever they may have been doing. We didn't want any attention. Slipping our shoes off, we moved further into the house. I could hear voices.

Hatori's hushed yet berating tones were audible from the direction of the kitchen, both the cat and I froze where we stood, pricking our ears to hear whatever is was being said.

"it's not right Shigure!" Hatori's whispers were always cruel.

"there is no right or wrong haa-san. You should know that by now. there's nothing we can do to change it." A much more calm and mature Shigure than usual answered the dragon.

"and why didn't you tell me? Would I even know now if I hadn't figured it out myself?!"

"I doubt you would know haa-san, I doubt it very much. And I apologise for keeping it a secret from you, you know I tell you everything, every thought and feeling that I have. But these are not my thoughts, or my feelings" he whimpered pleadingly.

I looked at Kyo, my eyes wide, I knew what this was about.

"we can't tell them that they can't be together, you haven't seen them now haa-san, they've changed beyond recognition , they're _better _now"

"they're doomed Shigure, that is what they are"

I had never heard Shigure speak to Hatori like this, I didn't know he had it in him, and it stirred me slightly to realize that even though he was devious, obviously hiding something and infuriating, he was in fact, pleased about our relationship, and truly wanted us to be together. Although I was warmed by Shigure's words, I was chilled to the bone by Hatori's.

"god knows what she will do to them, you're setting them up for pain. It's unfair, and dangerous. And, and I don't want to have to..." the dragons paused, sighing deeply, as if the world truly was upon his shoulders.

"I don't want to have to tear them apart by having to erase their memories of each other. I couldn't do that to another person. " Hatori was showing his unknown human side, he sounded unlike himself, he sounded devastated.

"I couldn't tell them it was wrong haa-san...it would make me the biggest hypocrite of them all...don't you agree?"

There was silence for a minute, there was nothing much left to be said between them. Then from behind me, came a sneeze. I jumped higher than I had ever done in my life and looked around at him. he stood there, making a face as he tried not to shout at me.

The kitchen remained silent, we were discovered, and so there was no point in hiding any longer. I shuffled into the hall, through the living room, and into the kitchen, two sets of questioning eyes turned to look at me, and I could meet neither of them.

"ah! H-hello!" Shigure was flustered, looking at me with a nervous expression that hid nothing.

I felt Kyo come up behind me, his footsteps more confident than my own, they both knew about us, and they were both going to take us to whatever fate would befall us at the main house, these were the people we should trust, and also distrust most in the world, we had no reason to feel comfortable around them. He stood close, I could feel the heat of his body, trying to warm itself from exposure to the cold, it prickled against my over sensitised skin, it made my clothes feel uncomfortable.

Without warning, he placed an arm around me, securely holding me, as if he had to protect me. Although I knew this wasn't the case, instead he was showing the two at the table that we were indeed together, and they would have a more difficult job than they thought if they thought it would be easy to separate us. I suspected this was more for Hatori's benefit than Shigure's.

I was surprised at the open contact, the situation was surreal, unusual, and quite frightening. Indeed, Hatori's brow lifted to such an extent that his hair shifted, revealing his damaged eye. For a moment, we were all stunned at this instead of kyo's show of affection, but as quick as Hatori's only imperfection was exposed, it disappeared. It was a brief slip of his disguise, and one that damaged him more than he was willing to say. We didn't mention it.

"well I must say." He was using his doctor's voice, as if he was about to diagnose us both as mad. "I most certainly wasn't expecting this" he didn't sound angry, which surprised me, instead he just seemed cold.

I found it hard to look at him, hard to listen to him talk because I knew what he thought of my relationship with Kyo and I knew he was wrong about everything. Yet Hatori has this amazing ability to intimidate, and as I stood there, confronted with him, I almost crumbled.

"we're going to get changed." His words were hard like stone, he was resilient, and I was thankful for it, particularly as he dragged me away up to his room. We didn't speak as he closed the door behind us. He just looked around, as if he hadn't seen the four walls around us for years, he was acclimatising. We were both thinking the same thing.

_This is it._

It was the end, the eleventh hour, and our time together would end soon. He stood awkwardly before me, looking me up and down.

"this...." he stopped, he was unsure about whatever he was going to say, the words were struggling to come out yet he formed them slowly. "this is going to sound so strange." He was whispering.

"what?" my voice sounded stark compared to his.

"can I....." these long pauses were playing on my patience, I always got testy when I was scared. "can I, wear something of yours....today?" he looked down at the floor, unable to look , me in the eye in case I laughed.

"y-yes....why?"

He shrugged. I knew all too well, I just didn't want to admit that the likelihood of us getting separated was as high as it was.

"thank you-" he was going to finish his sentence, but I interrupted him.

"Kyo. Can I...too...please?" I felt my cheeks reddening. I was so uncomfortable, yet I understood his reasoning, he understood mine, he nodded, and in the wintery sunlight blistering through his window, I caught glimpses of steadily forming tears, he closed his eyes trying to stop them before they fell, and looked away, turning to a chest of draws and rooting around inside them for something. He pulled out his famous black shirt, his favourite, which he seemed to have many versions of.

Handing it to me, shakily, he couldn't meet my eyes.

"thank you" my voice rasped. It broke my heart to see him like this. Taking the scrunched up shirt from him, I took his hand.

"we'll be ok. We'll always be ok." I held him tightly, I would never let go of him, he would be with me forever.

Without saying anything, I led him from his room to my own; we would find him my favourite shirt.

It wasn't a difficult task, my wardrobe was meticulously sorted into shirts, trousers, coats and summer shorts. My favourite shirt had its own place at the very end of the rail. I pulled it out and looked it up and down it was a long classically oriental piece or white silk embroidered with swirling koi carp that only showed up in the light. It was trimmed with a navy blue collar that trailed down to the left and was fastened with sparkling buttons of the same colour. The hem of each sleeve, and the bottom of the shirt was similarly designed. It was expensive, well tailored to fit me and a one of a kind piece. It had been made by my brother, and paid for by Shigure, it was a present for my birthday.

I handed it to him, and he looked shocked by it, it would be blatantly obvious that we weren't wearing our own clothes, this didn't matter though, we had silently resigned ourselves to the fact that later today, our well kept secret would be out in the open and there was nothing we could do about it. He took it from me, treating it gently.

"t-thank you" he grumbled. "I need a shower. So....I'll be going...I suppose" he nodded as he exited the room.

I felt immediately lonely. Holding his shirt in my tightly gripping hands, I lifted it closer and smelt it, his scent so near, it almost felt like he was there with me, yet this echoing lack of him was eating at me.

I left quickly, and caught him just as he was opening the bathroom door. our eyes met and he nodded once again, holding the door open for me.

There was no time for nervousness, we had but a few hours left together before we would almost certainly be torn apart from each other in the most brutal way Akito could think of. We had these few moments to enjoy each other's company in a way we had only just discovered how to. I closed the door behind me, laying his shirt gently on the towel rack, on top of mine that he had already placed there.

"I wish you would talk" the words were out of my mouth before my brain could engage.

"what?" he looked annoyed for the first time, whatever it was that was happening between us, it was definitely calming him down more than anyone could have imagined, there were thing however, that would still tip him over the edge, and I hoped this wasn't one of them.

"i-i mean...." I sighed loudly "I don't know"

In truth I just wanted to hear his voice, to burn it upon my brain one last time before he was removed from me and all I'd have is my memories. I thought it would be absurd to tell him this though, and instead looked away.

"it's ok" he sighed, walking over to me and wrapping his arms tight around me. I was thankful for the contact, I was needy. I rested my weary head upon his strong shoulders. "it's ok" he repeated, reassuring me to the point that tears welled up in my eyes and the fell freely. I could not lose this. My hands clawed into his jumper, I was weak from all of this. Part of me wished for quiet, for escape, and for sleep. Soon my eyes would close and I would black out, exhaustion would overcome me and I would be gone from here.

He kissed the top of my head, a pure show of affection amidst the build-up to a battleground. I sobbed louder, crying in a way I hadn't since I was a child, freely, loudly, wildly. He pushed me away gently, looking at me as if he was inspecting me. He cupped my face in both of his hands sighing, wiping my tears away with his thumbs.

"it's going to be ok, it'll all be fine. We just have to talk about what we're going to do if things turn...bad. " he was calmer than me, more controlled.

"w-what do you mean?" I frightened myself. I sounded exactly as I did when I was little, when I was locked deep inside the main house in the pitch black.

"well. There's a good chance they're going to try and hurt us. Physically. And if that happens. I want you to let me take it all. I don't want you to get hurt"

"Kyo no!" there was so many things wrong with letting him take my beating.

"listen!" Kyo did authority well. "I'm used to being beaten. If you haven't forgotten I've spent the majority of my life being beaten to a pulp by you. It's nothing to me. But people never lay a finger on you, it would hurt you more. And I won't let anyone near you. They'll have to kill me to get to you."

I felt ashamed for hurting him so much in the past, yet he was true, fighting with each other every day had made us more resilient. But I still couldn't let him.

"no. If things get bad. We leave together. There's enough strength between us to get through every one of them, we come back together and lock ourselves in. Ok?" I was still crying, still sounded vulnerable.

He nodded. "ok" it was a whisper, but a comforting one. He leant in close to me and kissed me gently, my lips must have tasted salty, they were drenched from my tears, yet he didn't mind. His lips were soft, unobtrusive, gently seeking their way to open my mouth. I put up no resistance. I was pliant, putty in his hands as his tongue gently probed my mouth. He breathed life into me, with every bit of air that passed between us.

His loving hands moved to lift my shirts over my head, carefully undressing me as if I was a gift to be unwrapped. There was something undeniably simple about this moment, about his actions that at once settled my troubled head. he dropped them behind me, they meant nothing. His calloused hands ghosted over my skin, fingers trailing lightly down my chest. I closed my eyes, relaxing under his touch, reacting in every way my body knew how to.

He found my trousers, in a natural and fluid way, he was now accustomed to this of course, the buttons were easily undone and the fabric slid easily over my hips. I wasn't so nervous anymore, he knew my body like I knew it, and I knew his, the things that had happened between us had changed our awareness of ourselves it had made us improve for the better.

He cautiously removed my underwear, letting that drop to the floor also, leaving me standing exposed in the chilly air of a bathroom with no hot water running. He kissed me chastely on the neck, the touch reverberated throughout my whole body and I shivered. I opened my eyes, and saw him before me, it was like he was a vision, like I was schizophrenic, and he was my delusion, he seemed unreal. His cheeks were a light pink, his blood was pumping too quickly around his body, but he was ok. I was quickly locked onto deep citrine irises, drowning in them, and losing strength every second.

He moved, he was removing his own clothes, quickly, quietly, there was no tender undressing here, he was all about business with himself. he turned away, switching on the shower and letting the water run warm for a few moments before stepping inside, guiding me along with him.

The water danced over me, curing my body of the chills that had invaded it. He wrapped his arms tightly around me, he was protective, and for once in my life, I let myself be protected, I let my guard down, and I allowed myself to be the weaker one, because I felt safe. Whilst held in those arms I could be invincible, because I knew he would fight to the death for me.

He picked up the shower gel from a nearby shelf, and emptied some onto his hand. After lathering it, he ran it over my body. It tickled for a while but I eventually I became accustomed to it. My eyes closed of their own accord as I began to tremble. This was going a way that Kyo probably didn't intend it to. My breath hitched, Goosebumps littered my skin, and I reached behind me to grasp his hips uncomfortably trying to keep myself stood up. Suddenly the water was too hot, the steam too much for my tired lungs, my body was too overheated, and so my head began to spin. His tough was like fire, too much, too much of an effect. But it didn't hurt.

"k-Kyo!" I had to stop him, and my feeble whimper, my pleading , halted him quickly.

"what?" he let go of me so I could turn around to see him, he looked worried.

"I...uh...I just...you know" I looked down at myself, at my quivering limbs, and my steadily hardening length. I blushed as he followed my gaze, a smile spread across his lips at the realization of what he was doing to me. This was his teasing smile.

"is that _all_ you think about" he mocked.

"i-i-i-i-!" I couldn't stop myself from getting flustered. There was no way on earth I thought about that all the time, it's just in this situation, in those bubbles, who wouldn't think of such things?

Before I could make another attempt at pleading my innocence, he interrupted me with a kiss, a firm press upon my lips that reassured me, everything is going to be ok. He held the back of my head in his hands, almost smothering me with the roughness of it.

"one last time" he whispered. He was preparing for the end. Animals have the ability to pick up on things, on changes in the air and on changes in the atmosphere that predicts danger ahead, we had both picked up on this, we were both preparing ourselves for it, and this would be our last goodbye, our last deeply intimate moment together. He came back to me, interrupting my train of thought, looking at me questioningly as his hands once again began to explore me, To trace beautiful pictures and words all over me.

I gasped, biting my lip so hard I thought I might break the skin, in some ways I hoped I would, a prick of pain would awaken my dulled senses. I held on tight to his strong shoulders, prepared for an onslaught of touch, of trembling kisses and sad and weary goodbyes.

There came however, a knock upon the door.

"lovers! We have to leave in fifteen minutes! Please hurry!" the dog sang through the door, it struck me as insulting that he could seem so cheery at a time like this.

Kyo growled low in his throat, ready to go out and hurt Shigure in every way he could think of, in a bid to stop him I rested my head upon his shoulder, and began to rinse the soap from our bodies.

Once finished, we climbed out of the shower, nervously drying ourselves off and dressing. As I came to put kyo's shirt over my head, I noticed his scent once again, it comforted my steadily fraying nerves. It fitted a little looser around me than it did him, the v neck coming slightly lower, and the sleeves a bit longer, you tell very clearly that it wasn't my shirt, that it belonged to someone else. It belonged to Kyo.

He seemed similarly surprised by wearing my clothes. The silk clung to him attractively, the stark white of the fabric darkened his complexion. As he buttoned it from the side I knew that although I was called the prince, he would forever be the king in my eyes, beautiful, strong, and enigmatic. He was everything people wrongly thought me to be.

He reached over to straighten his shirt out on me, and pointed out quite suddenly:

"you're still bruised. They'll see that"

I shrugged, they'd know everything else about us by the end of the night.

He took my hand, tightly squeezing it as if this would be our last contact, and then gently placing it back at my side he opened the door, walking slowly down the stairs. He cautiously looked back every now and then to check I was still with him, and every time he saw I was he seemed sadder and sadder.

Shigure and Hatori stood by the door, our coats in their arms, their cheerless faces looking at the clothes we wore. They said nothing, it was not their place to. Instead they just turned and walked out into the snow, shadows creeping out into an endless night, we would not see the light of day together, we would be horrifically split by then, we would be damaged, fractured, splintered and left to gather ourselves back together, piece by piece. Alone.

And we all knew it.

**there's a whispering wind I feel it inside  
like a place I can feel but never will see  
let a whisper come touch you come touch every thing  
I stand in the way of the things I can be  
let the whispering wind come lift us away  
let it push us apart if we wish to stay  
you're my sweetness my baby my love for all time  
like the whispering wind it makes you all mine  
like the whispering wind you stand here with me  
like the whispering wind you stand here with me  
I see your dreams all slip away  
slip away  
slip away  
slip away**


	37. I'm Lost Without You

**sorry this took so long, it's been ready for AGES, i just haven't been able to upload it, and have done sweet FA about it, so i think it was just a lil glitch, so here we are, let me know what you think.**

**i don't own FB, and i don't own 'i'm lost without you' by blink 182. and unfortunately i don't make any money from this either. **

**X-v-X**

**I swear that I can go on forever again  
Please let me know that my one bad day will end  
I will go down as your lover, your friend  
Give me your lips and with one kiss we begin**

Are you afraid of being alone  
Cause I am, I'm lost without you  
Are you afraid of leaving tonight  
Cause I am, I'm lost without you.

Never before in my life had Hatori's car seats felt so uncomfortable. We sat beside each other, painfully separated by the spare space between us. I looked out of the window, unable to bear seeing the pain in his face. Hatori and Shigure sat in the front, they said nothing, only faced forwards, their silence as painful as ours. I wondered vaguely if they had felt like they had cheated us, if maybe they felt guilty for having to deliver the lamb to the slaughter. It struck me as unfair that they should have their happiness uninterrupted, that although they had their problems they all had each other. We all heard what Shigure and Ayame got up to when Ayame came for his 'special visits'. It sickened me that they would allow that to transpire between themselves, but they would not help us, and I genuinely loved Yuki, and I would love him eternally.

My eyes were heavy, I thought maybe I could sleep on the way to the main house, yet I got that peculiar sensation of being watched. I turned, and he looked at me with tears in his eyes, his face had drained of any colour it had ever possessed, and he looked like death. He presented his trembling hand to me, palm upright, I took it up and grasped it tightly, his skin was damp most likely from tears that I hadn't seen him shed.

From the corner of my eye I could see Hatori watching us in the rear-view mirror, from what I could make out, he was shocked, if not aghast. But I had no time now for worrying about what other people thought, these were the last moments I had with the one person in my life who had truly loved me, and I intended to make myself remember every second of it.

There were various scenarios running through my head, the different ways tonight could end, what ways Akito could hurt us, hurt me. I had a sneaking suspicion that I would be locked up tonight, that once I entered those gates, I would never know freedom again. I tried to shake the feeling, tried to think of other things, of how we could escape, survive, or at least die together at the hand of Akito.

/'/'/'/'/'/'/y'/'u/'/k'/'I/'/'/'/'/'/'/'/'/

My stomach hurt, the kind of ache I only got when I was going to be sick, I tried to stay still, moving too much would provoke it, and so I looked out of the window watching the wintry scene as is passed me by. The snow had settled, and the long and winding private road out of Shigure's house was pure, untrodden, there was no interruption of footprints breaking up the powdery substance. On any other occasion this would be a beautiful and perfect scene to behold, I would ask him to walk with me through it, to go and wander between the trees. There was no chance of this happening though, I had a heavy and looming feeling that this would be the end.

Our moments together had been short and fleeting, out time was precious but quickly running out. in my head I could hear a loudly ticking clock, counting down until our end. The main house terrified me at the best of times, yet I knew now that there was definitely pain, humiliation, and abuse on the way. It was just what form it would come in that remained a mystery.

I couldn't help but cling to the childish idea that maybe everything would be ok, that maybe he would congratulate us, or even just scold us, and then send us on our way. There was however, no point in even calculating the chances of that happening.

I tried to remain strong, tried to think that everything is ok eventually, there is nothing that can't be sorted out, yet I then remembered our family's way of sorting things out, they routinely used brutal violence and deep hypnosis to correct us in our wrong ways, or even in our correct ways that they didn't agree with.

My heart physically hurt, a dull ache that throbbed deep in my chest. I could not live without him, there was no chance of it. He was the air that stopped me from asphyxiating, the will to live that stopped me from drowning. The world turned in mysterious ways, and I never would have believe anyone who told me that I would love my worst enemy more than I knew how to describe.

I cried then, my eyes welling up and blurring my view from the window. Snow heavy branches began to swirl, they were suddenly under water. I was slowly losing control, my life had been torn up in the past few weeks, there was not one part of me that was the same, I had lived life for the first time it seemed, and yet, I had never felt so trapped, and so destined for a bad ending.

I wiped the tears away as discreetly as I could, and then, When I was certain I looked ok, I turned to look at him. he was facing the window, his posture awkward and uncomfortable, yet he was deathly still, only his slow breathing was detectable with great concentration. I could make out the lines of his face more clearly in the low light, highly defined cheekbones and a chiselled jaw that everyone took for granted. he was heartbreakingly beautiful.

I wondered if he was thinking of me, or if maybe he was asleep, it crossed my mind that he might be crying as I had, but I found that unlikely, maybe, he just didn't want to look at me anymore. the mere thought made me feel like dying, yet once it was there, I couldn't stop it from plaguing me.

I stared at his motionless form for what felt like an eternity, yet it was probably only a few minutes. I was scared that if we were eternally separated, by whatever means, that this would be the last thing I would have to remember him by. I felt the sting of tears return, and as I went to stare back out of my window, he moved slowly, turning to face me.

This was Kyo, he was the cat, perfectly structured and formed, beautiful like our family genes dictated, and yet a total outsider. He looked wounded, his expression was similar to that of when he had just been kicked to the floor, by the only person who was truly stronger than him: me.

I held my hand out to him, vaguely aware that I was shaking. He spent a long time just looking at me, as if he didn't recognise me, but he took it, and held it tightly, a grip that, metaphorically at least, would never be broken. As he stared deep into my eyes, I lost the ability to suppress my emotions, I cried freely, my face no doubt looking as if it was crumbling. I couldn't see him very well, the whole thing happened in a blur, my seatbelt was unbuckled and I was pulled gently towards him. he wrapped his arm tightly around my shoulders and pulled my head to his chest. He was warmth in the freezing winter, water in the parched desert, and home in the distant lands. My sobs became slightly more vocal, as I tried to cling onto what I was soon to lose. My eyes closed, as if not seeing our quick approach to the main house would delay it, and although I was blind, I knew that Hatori was watching us in the rear mirror. I had no care for what he or Shigure thought, I had no care for privacy anymore, and I had most importantly lost any shame that may have. I knew if I opened my eyes, the tears I was shielding would fall onto kyo's trouser leg.

He began to run his fingers through my hair, his hands were trembling, but the touch sent shivers all through me, soon I would lose this, one way or another, this was the end.

/;/;/;/;/;k/;/;/y;/;/;/o/;/;/;/;/

I watched out of the window, everything passed by in a blur, the world as a whole would keep turning no matter how much my own world crashed and burned in the hours that approached. Everything was bleak, the snow stung my eyes with its purity, even the deciduous trees seemed to be dying in this cold. Only days earlier it had been unusually warm for the time of year.

His hand rested on my lightly on my thigh, there was nothing sexual in this, it was an act of desperation, this was him hopping to cling on to me forever, I hoped deep down that it would work, but the more logical part of my brain was despondent, there was no way out of this.

I laid my hand on top of his, it was cold, the blood seemed not to be circulating through him properly, this was a common problem to him, and his skin often turned blue, like he was dying. A shiver worked its way through me leaving no part of my body untouched. Part of me couldn't help but speculate that this was an omen of the worst kind. I half expected to look out of the window again and see clusters of birds dying and falling from the sky, bombs that would never explode, dropped by Akito.

Squeezing the fragile digits within my hand, I chanced a glance at the world outside, no dead birds littered the road, and far above me, a crack was slowly beginning to appear in the sky allowing a slither of gold and shimmering light to peek out at me. The barbed wire feeling in the pit of my stomach subsided a bit, I hadn't even noticed it.

I looked to his silvery hair, and kissed it gently, causing his head to rise and look at me, his eyes were red, tired, and nowhere near as strong as they needed to be to cope with this. I searched deep within them, finding an emptiness that disturbed me more than I could have ever imagined. Leaning closer I placed a kiss on his lips to seal our fate, and to remind him that I loved him so much I actually scared myself.

His eyes darted to look out of the window, I hoped he had seen the hopeful sun, but in fact, he had noticed our surroundings. We were pulling into the gates of the main house, they were open and waiting for us. I felt sick to the deepest parts of me, even more so as I felt him tremble inside my grasp.

A sickly Akito was stood on the front deck of his house, Kureno lurked in the background, it struck me as frightening that someone as fragile as Akito could be so terrifying, yet she had a strength like no one else in the family, in the 'real world', she would be considered some kind of freak. She came closer and closer, the wheels of the car struggling over snow, ice and gravel until it came to a gentle stop.

All four of us breathed in at once, none of us ready to let go of the air in our lungs just yet. Without a word, the two older cousins opened their doors, and climbed slowly out, it was macabre and funeral like, I expected a horse drawn funeral cart to appear from the distance, my name written in flowers inside it, propped up against a neat wooden box.

I was bought back from my reverie by the doors slamming, and my smartly dressed family members waiting for us to follow suit. Shigure took a grip on my handle, and opened my door, a gust of cold wind danced into the car with a ferocity that matched the mood of the day. Sitting up, Yuki let go of my hand, his whole body trembling as he undid my seat belt. My legs were not solid as I tried to rise to my feet and gain a sense of balance. As I adjusted, not daring to look at Akito, I wanted to turn and help Yuki from the car, as if he was some princess, but I restrained myself, instead I felt him standing close behind me, his body almost covering me with a heat that came close to calming me.

He came to stand beside me. And I looked over at him, seeing Akito in the distance as a blur. I took his hand in mine, and said quietly, so only he would hear:

"I love you. No matter what happens, remember that. I'll make sure we're ok, I'll sort it out, I promise. But please, don't ever forget how much you mean to me." My eyes blurred with tears as I took my first step towards what could have been my final minutes of freedom.

He said nothing, he knew he didn't have to. He just walked beside me, our hands linked for the last time. I looked up to see Akito scowling at us, her face was pure acid, and she looked about to be sick. She eyed me in particular, and spat:

"you disgust me. Go" she pointed to her right, a door stood open about five meters away from her.

I didn't move. I couldn't. She became impatient and began to speak again:

"Kureno. Take that _thing _away from me"

The rooster was patient and calm, he seemed to melt me away from Yuki, both of us too stunned, scared, and wounded to fight. I was guided through an unlit hall.

And that was the last I saw of him.

**I'll leave my room open till sunrise for you  
I'll keep my eyes patiently focused on you  
Where are you now I can hear footsteps I'm dreaming  
And if you will, keep me from waking to believe this**

Are you afraid of being alone  
Cause I am, I'm lost without you  
Are you afraid of leaving tonight  
Cause I am, I'm lost without you


	38. Climbing Up The Walls

**it's getting serious, and it's getting sad :( let me know what you think, and you should know by now that i don't own it, and don't profit. x-v-x**

**I am the key to the lock in your house  
That keeps your toys in the basement.  
And if you get too far inside  
You'll only see my reflection.**

It's always best when the candle's out,  
I am the pick in the ice.  
Do not cry out or hit the alarm,  
You know we're friends 'til we die.

And either way you turn  
I'll be there  
Open up your skull  
I'll be there  
Climbing up the walls

YUKI:

He was gone, even in the air around me I could feel his absence, and it chilled me to the bone, even more so than the sudden burst of cold weather. I felt totally alone, like it was just me in the cruel and punishing world, and there was no longer anyone to save me. I heard nothing from him, he didn't struggle, there were no cries, no final pleas to our present captor to let us go.

I sunk my eyes to the floor, the broken snow on the ground glimmered, it was dusted on my shoes. I felt surprised that it fell here, I had thought of it as some evil place that did not deserve any beauty, alas, nature does not discriminate against the cruel, and things of pure magnificence occurred behind the walls of the Sohma house, and I suspected they may have even been more lovely than the average garden, the snow did not sparkle like this at Shigure's house. Maybe it was the curse of the man about to be executed, as you realize your time is running out, you recognise things in the world that never occurred to you before, how you are attracted to the green of the leaves, the scent of the wind, and how it truly feels to breathe. Perhaps my heightened perception of the snow beneath me was all because I knew I didn't have long left. I knew our punishments would be severe. No one would ever dare even touch the cat, especially the rat, however, I had crossed all boundaries set by legends and family history. I had fallen in love with him. yet I knew, although it was mostly my fault, the price he would have to pay would be larger than mine, he would suffer worse than I, and Akito would probably enjoy torturing him more than me. It wounded me deeply.

I took a deep breath, and looked up to the devil above me, Mephistopheles personified lingered above me, beautiful in her kimono that hung off of her sickly frame, her calm expression revelling nothing of my fate. Part of me considered begging, pleading with her not to hurt him, yet I knew this would fuel her rage further, and I would not lower myself to such a state, I would take whatever she sent my way. What I hadn't shared with anyone was that I had a plan of sorts, and although I was a dangerous one, it was all I could do to keep him safe.

KYO:

Kureno led me to a large empty room, there were no chairs, tables, rugs, or lights, only a cold wooden floor. He seemed to hold no malice towards me which was a small comfort. I did not really know him, he was my cousin, yes, but I had never had a conversation with him, he was always fused to Akito, always by her left shoulder, lingering close to her, making sure he witnessed each breath she took. There was no semblance of boredom or of a wish to be away from her, he was loyal, and maybe just a bit obsessed.

He stopped at the centre of the room, and turned to me, his face was delicately sculpted, as was the way within our family, we were all made from the same clay it would seem, but he was nowhere near as beautiful as Yuki, he didn't even come close.

"please, sit with me" his voice was not as I remembered, he sounded tired and not really in the right frame of mind.

We both sank to the floor uneasily, I was unsure of where to place myself, not wanting to put my back to the door, but upon further inspection I found there were four doors in the room, one on each wall. I was doomed from the start. We sat awkwardly for about ten minutes, not a word was exchanged between us, I tried not to look at him, instead I busied myself with fiddling with my shoe laces.

"I'm sorry" the words were quiet, a whisper, no more.

I could not reply, my throat was dry, and I knew my voice would quake.

"hmmph?" was all I could muster.

"I'm sorry, for what he's going to do. I tried to stop him, but he's furious"

There were many things I had to consider from this statement. What was Akito going to do? And did Kureno not know about her gender? Or did he not know I knew? and does the rooster have an influence over the seemingly untameable 'God'. There were too many things for a panicked mind to sort through.

I simply shrugged my shoulders.

"I think you're lucky, Kyo, you know what almost none of the Zodiac animals know. You know love. It saddens me deeply that he's going to tear you apart... like this. " the rooster's eyes fell to the floor, and I knew he was speaking the truth.

I felt a tinge of sadness for him, I knew his situation, anyone with eyes could see it, and yet, he seemed only to be realizing it himself now.

"I love Akito, I always have. There is no changing this, I am with him daily, I see him for who he is, and I accept him. I am with him because I want to be, and yet..." he paused, his eyes beginning you sparkle with tears.

"..yet, I am his prisoner. There are places I could be, things I could be doing, if only I could leave him. it is a desperate situation, one I don't fully understand, and one I don't want you to be subjected to. What you and Yuki feel for each other is too pure to be interrupted by...him."

Our eyes met and stayed locked for the longest amount of time in our lives, an understanding passed between us then, that will stay with me for the rest of my life.

We stayed silent for a long time, looking in different directions, not awkwardly this time, but more thoughtfully. I heard footsteps rattling along the open hall that we had entered by, and my heart slowly began to crumble, thinking it was Akito, I resigned myself to my fate, this was the end. However, a small old woman entered the room, and with a grating voice she said:

"Sohma-san, Sohma-Sama would like to see you" his eyes darkened noticeably.

He suddenly took me by the hand, and whispered:

"Kyo, to get out of situations like this, you have to think about the ground your feet stand on"

His words made no sense at all, he sounded like the main character from an adventure movie. I didn't let it consume me however, I simply nodded and accepted his bizarre statement. He left, his light feet making no sound on the echoey floorboards. And the I was alone, the criminal at the gallows, the deer in the headlights, the flashback before your lights went out. I knew it would not be long.

YUKI:

I was being led by Akito along a hall, similar to that which Kyo had been taken down. I entered into a plush room, four doors surrounded me, including the one I had just entered through, rich draperies hung from ceiling to floor, luxurious chairs and a daybed were scattered throughout the large expanse of wooden floorboards and wide closed windows. A fire burned in the corner, it's menagerie of colours dazed me for a moment as I tried to decide if it was real of not.

She pointed to a large armchair close to said fire, and half spat, half growled:

"sit"

I obeyed, thinking it best to do anything she said. The fire danced playfully to my right, blissfully unaware of what was happening. I closed my eyes, not wishing to see he in front of me, not wanting to be disgusted with myself for something that I deemed only too natural. I was going to be battered with an onslaught of insults, the only thing I could do to protect myself from them was to distance myself. The words I knew she was going to say would cut me deep to the bone. They were words that had long ago ruined me, made me claw at my eyes trying to escape them, wishing myself deaf as not to hear them, hoping to die so I did not have to experience them. Things like that never leave you. Words, like those Akito had near killed me with, were in fact more dangerous than knives of guns. People like Akito were weapons in themselves, and they were vicious, merciless, and inescapable.

"I'm not sure I can even describe what I feel" her voice was silk, smooth, calm, and utterly terrifying.

"you...and...the cat....that...._thing_.....that revolting _thing. _How? Why? Have you no idea of how unnatural that is? Do you even remember the story of the zodiac?" her voice was beginning to tremble slightly, she was losing composure.

I thought to myself: 'we are more than the animals we are cursed with, we exist as human beings also' but I could not bring myself to say it, the fear she struck within me froze me, it almost stopped my quickly beating heart. I knew not to answer, her questions were rhetorical.

"you....you disgust me, and you disgust other people, they can see it when they look at you, you know? They know _what you are_ and it makes them sick. You're wrong, nauseating, against anything right. There's something seriously wrong with you."

The words slipped from her mouth in such a way that it almost seemed it wasn't actually her saying them, she was mysterious in that her voice was enchanting, soothing, yet at the same time it crept over you like a bad disease. She was truly something other-worldly, and not in a sense I would class as good.

I thought of Kyo then, as she reintroduced me to all of my old fears. To her I was nothing but a toy, a thing to control, and because of my childhood fears of her, she still had that hold over me, that I knew, tonight I would have to rid myself of.

"and so you took refuge in each other? Two freaks together, because _no one else will have you _"

My stomach lurched, I was going to be sick from fear is she continued, and so, it was time for me to begin. I had thought my words through carefully, I would say them strongly, and with dignity, I would not lose my temper, and I would not crumble.

"do you hate me Akito?" my voice did not waver, I sounded proud, and unafraid. I left her no time to answer:

"or do you hate what I am?" I looked her straight in the eyes for the first time, and stared at her, making sure she knew how I felt about her.

"a filthy animal...that's what you are" she snarled, it was working.

"do you hate that fact I'm an animal, or do you hate that I'm male" her face changed so quickly that I almost didn't catch the transition.

"do you hate the fact that I am what you've been made to be? That I am what you've been made to masquerade as?" my voice was still strong, quiet, and decidedly menacing, but my hands trembled upon my knees.

She growled, a noise I didn't know human beings could make, a foul and unforgiving hiss, followed by a spindly hand tensing and flying forwards at me, nails out and ready to strike my cheek, she dug in, tearing at the skin with what felt like the claws of a beast. I lurched back in my seat, my head whirling and suddenly too heavy for my neck, and she was on me, her knees pinning me to where I was slumped, her pointed fingers digging deep into my shoulders. I would not give her the satisfaction of screaming, I merely grimaced.

There is something I will never understand about Akito, her anger makes her stronger, almost to extraordinary lengths. She held me there, with all of her strength, and I was powerless. She seemed to fall towards me, and tried to force her lips upon mine. A struggle ensued that I cannot remember to describe, I only know, that soon she was clawing at the sides of my head to hold me still so she could worm her tongue into my mouth. She was sickening, she tasted bitter and poisonous, and my insides began to churn, my eyes tightly closed and swelling with tears. She pulled away gasping.

"I'm going to make you sorry."

**It's always best when the light is off,  
It's always better on the outside.  
Fifteen blows to the back of your head,  
Fifteen blows to your mind.**

So lock the kids up safe tonight  
And shut the eyes in the cupboard.  
I've got the smell of a local man  
Who's got the loneliest feeling.

That either way he turns - I'll be there  
Open up your skull - I'll be there  
Climbing up the walls

Climbing up the walls  
Climbing up the walls


	39. Young Blood

**i don't own fruits basket, or 'we suck young blood' by radiohead, and i don't profit from this. X-v-X**

**Are you hungry?  
Are you sick?  
Are you begging for a break?  
Are you sweet?  
Are you fresh?  
Are you strung up by the wrists?  
We want the young blood  
Are you fracturing?  
Are you torn at the seams?  
Would you do anything?  
Fleabitten motheaten?**

YUKI:

I was dragged by my hair, her fingers seeming like iron, gripping tightly onto each follicle they could grab. The pain was unspeakable. She once again had her limitless strength, and i was being pulled across the floor, scrambling to find my knees, yet each time they met the floor, cloth was ripped slowly from my trousers along with skin, there was nowhere for my hands to go, and so they looked for a way of balancing themselves also.

Every now and then she would stop, drop my head, which would fall quickly and smack on the floorboards, and watch me for a moment, bloodstained from her attack on my face, sickened by her forced kiss, and dirty from being yanked along the ground, she would laugh, and then kick me, a quick jab in the ribs, which had broken, or a stamp on the side of the head, which was whirling and feeling as though about to explode.

She stopped for what must have been the fith time, and looked at me for longer than usual. I took the opportunity to look up at her, and although every bit of me knew it wasn't a good idea i said:

"you're just jealous, because no one can love you, you don't want anyone else to experience it. You want to take it away from everyone. Don't you?" i coughed, my ribs feeling like they were going to pop out of my side. I was ready for the pain i had just cost myself, all i thought of was kyo.

I didn't even see her draw her foot back, i just felt it come into contact with various parts of my body, my side, the pit of my stomach, my groin, my kidney, shoulders, and finally my face. I was crying, not loudly, not so she could notice easily, but the tears were streaming. I clawed at the floor wishing for it to open and take me away. He voice came creeping over me once more:

"i'm going to ruin you" it was barely a whisper, a sigh as she picked me up once again by my hair, my burning scalp making me wince.

I was wrong to think we would continue our journey once again, she wasn't finished. As soon as my head had reached a reasonable level above the ground, she dropped it down with a push, sending me, weakened, bleeding, and disorientated, hurtling to the floor face down. The pain was difficult to describe, i knew it hurt immensely, yet coupled with what i was already feeling, i didn't seem to feel it all that much. I was however acutely aware of the blood running from my nose, corner or my mouth, forehead, knees and elbows. I thought i was dying.

Only now did she continue our journey. Through swollen eyes i could see her beginning to get breathless, she was tiring. Eventually. I smiled to myself, although it hurt me right to the bottom of my toes. She caught me, and glared.

"what?" her breathing trouble all the more apparent with speech.

"so...." i coughed: "so weak" and i tried to force a laugh from deep inside me.

The fury was once again ignited. She had a certain look about her when she was angry, she seemed to turn even more plae, if humanly possible, but was she really human? Her eyes would narrow, and like a wild animal, her teeth would bare, and she would snarl. She looked like this now, as she pounced upon me, straddling me and slamming me to the floor as i tried to sit up. She said nothing this time, only took my hair in her hands once again and beat my head repetitively against the floor. Although extremely confused as to the scene around me, i kne wi could feel her beatings becoming weaker and weaker each time. i was winning.

With all the strength i had in me, i did what no one has ever done before. I hit back. Grabbing both of her shoulders i threw her away from me, she sat back startled, not thinking to try and control me again, she maybe thought she was still overpowering me, because she was still sat across me, but i had made a conscious effort to protect my arms throughout my prolonged beatings, and so i had the upper hand now. i hooked her across her face, she fell to the side, still fuming but weak. From here ensued a deliberate struggle on my part. She was tiring quickly. With one last punch, i sent her into a heap on the floor, from which she started calling for help.

In a small, and hopefully lucky sense, i had won. I collapsed back now, trying my hardest to breathe. A servant entered the room and left screaming at once for Hatori. My head whirled, my blood rushing furiously behind my ears, my brain felt swollen, and the blood i had become caked in was drying quickly upon me, i was left feeling dirty.

The dragon arrived with the dog. Both of them standing to observe the situation a while before moving. She lay about a meter away from me, struggling for breath and clasping the side of her face. Hatori went to her first, while Shigure came to me.

He dropped to his knees, looking deep into my eyes, asking if i could hear him. i nodded.

"i'm so sorry for bringing you to this" he bowed his head. "i'm going to move you now ok?" once again, i nodded.

I was picked up and carried to hatori's house, and into a room i had not seen before. A new consulting room. He laid me on the bed, apologising once again, i could just about see the guilt in his face, Shigure knew he had done wrong.

"w-wh-" i cleared my throat, "where, is kyo?" i prayed to any god that would listen, that my plan had worked. The in taking all of akito's anger and strength, that by weakening her, i had saved kyo.

"i don't know" he bowed his head, i'd like to think that he was telling the truth.

Hatori walked by th open door with Akito in his arms, she was silent, like a child who was tired, being carried to bed. My injuries were worse than hers, and yet, she took top priority, there would be many rats, but for the moment, there was only one 'god'.

I let myself cry freely now. i had done all i could, the rest was up to fate, and her strange ways of working. I knew that in many way, i had burned my bridges with my family, i had done something no one else had ever dare think of before, i had torn down the divide between her and us, and i had given her a taste of her own medicine, i had messed with her head, i had told her the sad, and painful truth.

I was not surprised at hatori's preoccupation with her before me. If she died there would be an uproar, and being at my hands would make it even worse. But through paper thin walls, i could hear her talking, no words, just syllables. I felt sick in some small, and very secret way that she hadn't died.

As i thought this Hatori entered, he was as aloof as always, a stark contrast to Shigure's blind panic and severe guilt, he looked me over dissatisfied.

"well....i'll be needing to take your clothes. To get a better looke at you." He stated matter of factly.

Before i could even process it, my head was shaking, no. The shirt i was wearing was the only thing i had left from kyo, i was not letting it go.

"why not?" he was already becoming impatient.

I said nothing, just looked down. For a second he seemed unable to understand. Then realization crept over his face.

"you can keep hold of the shirt, just take it off."

So slowly, painfully, i did. I was shocked myself to reveal such damage done. Still, i held the screwed up shirt tightly and laid back, giving in.

His hands, warm, were upon me, Checking for broken skin, or maybe open fractures.

"i'll need to wash you, is that okay?" i think with the realization of my injuries came a sympathy as of yet un known to Hatori.

As he exited, Shigure took my hand in his, we said nothing, there was no need for words, just a silent agreement, that i relly had no parents, other than him, and so he was here for me. I struggled with the irony, that he had delivered me into akito's lap, and now he was protecting me in a sense.

I heard hatori's heavy fottsteps along the hall, heading for me, but they were diverted for a moment, by Akito shouting.

"Hatori, get me Kureno" she sounded weak, and a smiled to myself, that was what i had hoped for.

"yes aktio"

I heard the order repeated to one of the invisible but ever present maids, and she scuttled past the door before Hatori, as he appeared with a bowl of warm water and various cleaning fabrics, i also spotted plasters and bandages. I must have been as bad as i felt.

And so began the cleaning process. It was painful, i had at least three broken ribs, a broken nose, my lip was burst in four places, both eyes were black, and i was moderately concussed. But it was over, i had done what i needed to. I hoped.

A hand on my head as i was washed calmed me, i wished deep down that it was kyo, but it was not, it was Shigure, and he was being the family i never had. It comforted me, and with heavily lidded eyes, i sank into sleep.

**We suck young blood  
We suck young blood  
Woah woah  
Won't let the creeping ivy  
Won't let the nervous bury me  
Our veins are thin  
Our rivers poisoned  
We want the sweet meat  
We want the young blood  
**


	40. A Reminder

**here's what's happening with kyo. sad :( it's all coming to an end! my first ever FanFic, and i'm completely hooked...so there'll be more to come i think. not many chapters left now. i don't own fruits basket, or 'a reminder' by radiohead, and i don't make any money from this. **

**X-v-X**

**If I get old  
I will not give in  
But if I do  
Remind me of this**

**Remind me that  
Once I was free  
Once I was cool  
Once I was me**

**And if I sat down and crossed my arms  
Hold me until this song**

I was left alone on the floor, I sat for an immeasurable amount of time, it felt like an eternity. I closed my eyes, tried to spirit myself away to another place, I recounted the memories we had made together, trying to keep them close to me as they seemed to fall further and further away from me. I curled into myself, my arms seemed to grow and twist around me. My heart rattled in my rib cage. I was far from being as calm as I looked. I thought of running, yet I knew my luck and if I sprung to me feet and tried to escape, Akito would appear from nowhere and I would suffer a punishment worse than the one she was already going to deal me, if such a thing was even possible.

And so I waited, alone, in a room that seemed to have been gutted just for me.

About half an hour later, Akito entered latched onto Kureno's arm. I felt drawn to her hands, her knuckles were bruised and swollen, she looked tired. It took a while for my brain to process the state she was in, in relation to how she got like it, who she may have beaten, possibly to death, to tire herself out like she had.

Her face, normally deathly white and snow pure was interrupted by a purple welt below her eye. Kureno, along with holding her, was also carrying a glass full of what looked like some kind of nutrient drink, she was becoming more and more frail, inwardly I smiled, although I knew it to be wrong, I could not wait for her to die, there was nothing I wanted more, especially at that moment. The pair were being followed by an army or housemaids, one bought a plush chair. Another a cushion, others bought a small table, and a not so luxurious chair that I suspected was for Kureno and not for me.

I closed my eyes again, amidst muffled footsteps and the shifting or furniture, I didn't want to look at her as she deemed herself royal over me, as she kept me, the animal, on the floor.

When all fell silent, I dared to open my eyes.

She and Kureno sat opposite me, both looking down at me, Akito's face was frightening, ferocious and yet exhausted, Kureno's on the other hand, was calmer, maybe just a little unsettled, I found his face more attractive, although they were both strikingly beautiful, as was the way with our family, all apart from me.

I looked down, the floor seemed far too familiar to me, I felt like I had been staring at the same wooden slats for years. I thought of Yuki again, looking at the bruises Akito wore on her face and hands, I hoped, that if he had been the cause of these bruises, that she was the once to come off worse. As I sat there contemplating how easy it would be to overpower her, how easily I could get through her to see Yuki again, she took a long and drawn sip from the energy drink.

The cup was placed quietly upon the table, and she began.

"I'm still not sure I actually believe it yet, this situation we find ourselves in" the voice crept over to me, snuck into my ears, and I knew it would haunt me for a long time.

"yet, Yuki, before he....expired...seemed to confirm it enough." She slunk back, looking as though she was either relaxing or seriously tired.

I spoke then, for the first time to Akito, to my nemesis.

"expired?" my voice wavered, shook, weak and feeble.

She nodded:

"quite a state he was in. It's a shame really, that I had to ruin his beautiful face. That I had to make him even more disgusting that he already was" she fiddled with a thread on the arm of the chair.

"you...what?" anger, fear, nervousness, above all apocalyptic. These were the best words to describe how I felt about what I suspected her to be hinting at.

"I want you to tell me, Kyo, the story from the beginning. It's your turn to make me believe that this isn't just some sordid dream I'm having" she sounded stronger even now.

"no." I could feel my eyes brimming with tears.

"I don't think you're in much of a position to say no to me."

I did not respond, a reply to her would have lowered me to an even lower standard.

"no one will miss you, you know?" I looked up at her now.

"hen I lock you up, and I throw away the key. Then, it will be so easy to forget about you, and so beautiful that such a blot on my landscape has been removed."

My eyes widened, almost fell out from their sockets, and my stomach churned. This truly was the end.

"so tell me. Recount it for me, for Kureno, and for yourself, one last time."

I faced a dilemma, did I tell her what had happened? And ruin everything by letting her dig her claws into it, tear it apart.

I remained silent. This was all I had left in the world now, the only thing that kept me going, I could not pour it out for her.

She laughed, a self assured snort, mocking me making sure I knew how pathetic she thought I was. Kureno looked away, as if not wanting to see what was about to happen, as if he knew.

Akito stood up, her robes shifting as she did so, and took me by the hair, yanking me so I had to look up and face her.

"he's gone Kyo. He doesn't care about you anymore. you're nothing to him, not really, you were just a joke, that's all" she was becoming vicious, in my mind's eye I could see fangs inside her mouth, her eyes were as wild as mine became, in my other form. For a moment, I truly doubted that I was the only one with the extra curse.

I tried not to grimace, not to cry out in pain, to remain truly indifferent to anything she could possibly do to me. I knew this would madden her even more, but if what she was saying was true, there was no point in trying to preserve myself.

She dragged me closer to her, so I was directly facing her middle, she was shorter than I remembered see her last, or maybe I had just grown. Even so, her strength was incomprehensible. She made me look at her as she kneed me on the underside of my jaw, if I had had my mouth fully closed, my teeth firmly pressed together, I would have surely suffered more than I did, my teeth would have splintered, I would have lost some, I could have bitten off my tongue. Thankfully, I had my mouth slightly open, and although the jolt and pain was excruciating, I came out relatively unscathed.

She next sent a punch to the side of my face, if she had not still been gripping my hair, I would have tumbled to the floor. It amazed me, that the sharpest thing she appeared to have on her was her knuckles, and they tore my skin slightly, made blood run down my cheek. I began to cry.

She hit into me even more, and I didn't try to defend myself. I wanted it to be over quickly. I could see Kureno through jolts of the head, and he just sat staring at the floor, he wore the mask of shame, if I could have processed thoughts, I would have pondered as to what he was ashamed about, was it that he had not helped me? Or was it that he could not do the beating himself?

There were many possibilities, of course knowing what I know now. I would never even consider the fact that he sided with Akito entirely. He did side with Akito, not fully, but in some strange way I didn't understand. I know now that he loved her, she meant everything to him, even though he hated her for what she did to people. It was confusing, but I knew the confusion of love. It could make you do things, or put up with things like nothing else would. I did things for Yuki, I took a humiliating and brutal beating at the hands of a woman who I knew to be many times weaker than myself, id did it for him, because he was everything to me, and if he was at a loss, then so was I. There was no me without him.

"you disgust me. You're wrong" it was like she could hear every word i said as she pulled me closer to my end. She toppled me over, and knelt over me, her hands around my throat, asphyxiating me as she thrashed my head to the floor.

I gasped, slipping away from myself as i whirled further and further down into a black tunnel. I was dying.

She finished me off with a sharp blow to my temple. The world spiralled away as she let go of me, and I sunk to the floor, my consciousness slipping away from me.

Darkness was everything around me, it suffocated me and I was gone.

**Knock me out  
Smash out my brains  
If I take the chair and start to talk shit**

**If I get old remind me of this  
That night we kissed and I really meant it  
Whatever happens if we're still speaking  
Pick up the phone  
Play me this song**


	41. Without You I'm Nothing

**wow...it's been a while. sorry about that. if you want to know why i've been absent so long... here is why: .com/**

**so anyways....here is the next chapter. i hope to update soon....your feedback would be appreciated.**

i don't own fruits basket. or without you i'm nothing by placebo. and i don't make any money from this.

**Strange infatuation seems to grace the evening tide.  
I'll take it by your side.  
Such imagination seems to help the feeling slide.  
I'll take it by your side.  
Instant correlation sucks and breeds a pack of lies.  
I'll take it by your side.  
Oversaturation curls the skin and tans the hide.  
I'll take it by your side.**

I became aware of myself lying flat on the floor, I could feel my body weight, each limb, every part of my torso, aching, pulsing with pain. I dared not to move, yet it seemed inevitable, I couldn't help myself. I opened my eyes to darkness, they hurt badly, stinging like nothing I had ever experienced, in all my years of lung trouble, I had never felt pain like this.

I knew at once where I was, there was no doubt in my mind. At once I took a breath in too quickly and began to choke, my head jolted and hit a hard concrete floor. Shigure's comfort had gone, Hatori's healing hands were nowhere to be found. They had, probably on orders from Akito, taken me here, and locked the door. I curled into the foetal position, and I cried. I wept for everything I had lost, for what I had become, and for what I was going to be now, which was alone.

"I saw you , you know." Her voice, echoed across the empty expanse of the blackened box that I was locked in.

I didn't know where she was, I didn't even know where I was, which added to the disorientation. But she wasn't close. Her voice was muffled, probably through a door, or a very thin wall.

"I walked in on you, you were in bed together." She paused, as if waiting for a reply. I would never grant her one.

"you disgusted me so much a left right away. You're freaks. The both of you. No wonder you started doing things with each other, you're too sickening for anyone else."

I shook me to the core. Realizing it was her who had entered the room that morning we were together. She had known all this time.

"I've been watching you. Keeping an eye on what you do. There really is no shame within you is there?"

Still I refused to answer.

"you will come to dinner tonight, and I will make you feel shame for what you have done. You need to learn."

I heard footsteps away, she was gone, and I was alone. The looming darkness that had once frightened me became my only comfort now, as I tried to hide myself in it.

**I'm unclean, a libertine  
And every time you vent your spleen,  
I seem to lose the power of speech,  
Your slipping slowly from my reach.  
You grow me like an evergreen,  
You never see the lonely me at all**

*KYO*

I came to in light, my back to a hard stone floor that was cold with the increasingly cold winter that was outside. I was caged. This was what I had been threatened with my whole life, this was my fate, and yet it still seemed unthinkable that it would actually happen. Like it happened to the last cat, and the cat before that. I sat up, my head feeling dizzy, I could see outside. On the long nights contemplating my impending imprisonment I had always hoped that my cage would be open fronted, so I could see outside into the world. I now realized that it was not what I truly wanted. It was taunting me, I would be able to see life through those bars, a life I was prohibited from living.

A life without Yuki.

I cried, my eyes already sore. If there was any way of me escaping, I didn't have the energy to find it. I had been beaten, abused, and torn to shreds. There was no hope for me now.

I resigned myself to my fate. I was what I was. All I could hope was that the injuries I had sustained would kill me.

*Yuki*

I was picked up from the black box in the evening. A crack appeared in the darkness and grew across the floor. A nameless, faceless housekeeper stood in front of me. I got to my unsteady feet, I didn't trust them with my weight, and I walked to him. there was nothing else to do.

I entered the banqueting hall, all of my family were there, a mass of servants, and Akito, sat at the top of the table on a tall chair. she had a painful looking black eye. I smiled to myself. I hoped it hurt. Akito saw me enter and pointed to an empty chair beside him. I was led there. My chair was pulled out for me, and I took it. My knees we shaking only slightly less than my hands, I looked to the floor not wanting to see the inquisitive faces all around me. Although I had not seen myself in a mirror, I suspected that I was not a pretty sight.

The table fell quiet. I could only guess that this was with Akito's customary wave of her hand, commanding silence.

"I have here with me, Yuki. _Our _Yuki."

She looked to me, and for the first time I looked back at her.

"but look at him" she sounded like a far-right pastor.

"he. Is in _love_" she spat the word out as if it was acid.

Around the table there were various gasps and mewls.

"would you like to tell us with whom Yuki?" she was going to humiliate me further by making me confess the truth myself, instead of revealing it for me.

I ignored her and looked around the table. My beautiful relatives, most of them cousins sat staring at me, all awkward, some I suspect, were even feeling my pain.

"you don't have quite so much to say _now _I see. Don't look to _them_. They won't help you."

I looked back to her. For someone I had known my whole life, I had never noticed the details of her face. She was heartbreakingly beautiful, and I hated her.

"seeing as he won't tell you, I will have to." She spoke to the table now.

"he claims to be in love. With Kyo." Her voice wavered, as if she was truly devastated by the revelation.

There was once again gasps from around the table. But no one dared to say a word.

I felt my cheeks burning, tears stinging my eyes and threatening to roll down my face.

"what kind of disgust is he trying to bring upon himself? upon our family? We all know that this is wrong, that it's against nature. Through the ages, no one, especially the rat, has ever sympathised with the cat and his position within the family. So why. I ask you should this-" she pointed at me, her tone accusing "this _freak_ be any different?"

Everyone looked away, Trying their hardest not to be part of my suffering, Doing their best not to allow further humiliation, but not actively moving to stop her.

"Yuki will be moving back into the main house. He will not be leaving, for anything. I am withdrawing him from school, he will not leave the confines of this house again. Ever."

Although this should have shocked me, it did not. I had expected something like this. There was nothing for me anymore, I now knew the feeling of loss, of complete desertion of hope. I began to reflect.

Times spent on the school roof, a light chill in the air, the breeze ruffling him up a bit. I thought about sleeping beside him, the weight of his body beside me, his flipping of the pillow to get the cold side, the dust in his eyes when he woke. I would miss him. as long as he could continue to live, I would happily die, rot, waste away in here. I knew where Akito would put him. there was no way to change this, but Kyo's will is stronger than mine, and he would find a way out. for that moment, I realized, _I_ was done.

"take him to his room" she projected her voice across the whole room, everyone knew, everyone saw, and I would not give her the satisfaction of watching me struggle.

*KYO*

I took stock of my surroundings. The front of the cage was barred, on the other side of these bars was a large glass panel keeping the elements out. beyond the glass, was the world. the walls were a dirty brown plaster, the floor was much the same colour only a bit darker. In the back wall was a metal door, typical of what you saw in prison movies, with a hatch for food delivery.

It was to be lonely. I had no way of distracting myself, of entertaining myself. Even murderers on a life sentence had books to read, I had nothing but my thoughts.

I thought of him, of Yuki, of kissing his lips, holding him close, the smell of his hair, of his body. I wrapped myself up in his shirt, trying to breathe in the last of him.

I closed my eyes, laid on the floor in the corner, my body aching, my energy slowly being sapped from me. I tried to sleep, but there were echoes of times previous haunting me, of our meeting, of my finding the book he wrote, of my changing attitudes towards him, of acceptance.

I was drawn from my reverie by the hatch opening, a partially obscured face peered in, wide eyes, beautiful, he looked like me, like Yuki, he had the family facial structure, he was stunning. I knew him as Kureno. He said nothing. The hatch closed, and I waited for a moment, as if maybe he would change his mind, open it again, and talk to me. Nothing happened. So I returned my head to the floor.

I heard a rustle of clothing, of someone leaning on the door, and a scrape, of a key being pushed under the door. I heard clunking, of what I could only presume were bolts being opened. He was helping me. Kureno, the one Akito favoured over all of us, was helping me escape.

All of the energy that had left me moments earlier suddenly came flooding back. I scrambled across the floor, holding the heavy iron key tightly in my hand, as if it would disappear if I didn't keep a firm hold on it. Pressing my ear to the door, I listened for movement outside. There was none. A brief moment of panic overtook me, as I tried to slip the key in the lock, what if it didn't fit? What if there was a silent firing squad outside the door that were more than ready and willing to gun me down as soon as I opened the door. but then. What if Yuki was stood on the other side? Waiting.

The key fitted perfectly. I turned it in the lock, and shakily, slowly, pulled the door open. it was almost unreal, I entered out into a long, luxurious looking hallway. It looked like a hotel, doors all the same, apart from the one I had just walked out of, this was covered in steel bolts, the only unkempt thing in the surrounding area. I pulled the door closed. Replaced the bolts, to make sure that I had more time before I was discovered.

I didn't know where to go, which way I should turn, and so I went to the nearest corner, and looked around it. Quiet. Empty. I took that option, it seemed the safest.

One of the things I was fast learning about the main house, was that it was a maze of corridors, all the same. I was a lone walker in the desert, walking eternally in circles until I collapsed from exhaustion. Whilst this seems dramatic now, I was convinced of it at the time.

I came to another corner, pausing to look around it, making sure my way was clear, this had been my survival strategy for the last ten minutes or so, and it had worked so far.

"Kyo?"

The voice came from behind me. I knew it at once, and it took all of my hope away again, robbed me of the life that had just begun to seep into my veins. I knew, no matter how closely related we were, I could not trust this voice.

**I...  
Take the plan, spin it sideways.  
I...  
Fall.  
Without you, I'm Nothing.  
Without you, I'm nothing.  
Without you, I'm nothing.  
Take the plan, spin it sideways.  
Without you, I'm nothing at all.**


	42. The Gospel

**i don't own fruits basket, or 'the gospel' by the dandy warhols, and i don't make any money from this.**

**My sweet love, I'll take you there  
comin for to carry you home**

"Kyo?"

I knew the voice. Knew I was either done for, or saved. There was no trust between him and I, it had never been clear in my mind what his role was in my life, who he was to me, how his actions affected me. I knew only that he was potentially dangerous. He could do things to me that could potentially destroy everything I had, everything I had with Yuki. It could be gone in seconds, all by his hand.

I turned to face him, he was slightly dishevelled, a state I was not used to seeing him in.

"Hatori." My knees quaked beneath me, my feet feeling as if they were quickly dissolving and I was sinking into the floor. My stomach somersaulted, churning as my heart rattled in my chest, threatening to give out at any second.

He looked at me bemused.

"you got out?" his voice was not accusing, there was no anger there.

I sensed that his question was rhetorical, and so I didn't bother trying to answer.

"how?" he laid a hand on my shoulder as if checking that I was real.

"someone.....gave me a key" I looked to the floor, trying my best not to meet his piercing stare.

"who?"

"I don't know. I didn't see."

"well, You can't stay here, can you? Where do you think you're going? and what happened to you?" he looked me up and down.

Yuki's shirt was stained with my blood, torn a little at the shoulder, my trousers were scuffed, and I didn't even want to think about what kind of a state my face was in.

"Akito...happened to me." I felt myself blushing, I was always being beaten.

"well...come with me" he looked about himself skittishly. He seemed younger when he did this, his face was more youthful.

He lead me further along the hall, and, seeming to pick a door at random, opened a door with a key and entered. Inside, the decor was totally different from the hall. It was clinical, a changing screen was stood in the corner, a long metal framed bed was sat in the middle of the room. The floor was a pale blue linoleum, and the walls were lined with cabinets and clean work surfaces.

"strip to your underwear and lie down" his tone was as professional as the decor.

I could not help but feel a little unsettled by the question however, as recently my mind had been awakened to experiences of the deeply intimate kind. I faltered for a while.

"you're nothing special Kyo-kun, I see it all day every day."

Whilst his statement settled my mind just a little, it didn't make me rush to remove my clothes.

I slowly pulled the shirt over my head, struggling a little, it was a bit too tight for my liking, Yuki's frame was smaller than mine.

I slipped the belt from its loops in my trousers, and removed them too. I felt exposed, and I felt very, very cold. Hatori turned, looked at me, he knew all too well the injuries that Akito could inflict. He was used to seeing them, and yet, he seemed thrown by the state I was in.

"w-well...lie down then" I did as I was asked. The bed was made from fake leather, the kind they have in all hospital rooms, although these are usually covered with some kind of material that protects the skin of the sick from the startling meeting of warm skin with a cold surface. Hatori's bed had no such covering.

He came back, a bowl of warm water and cotton pads in hand. At this moment, unwise as it was, I trusted him completely, I laid my life in his hands, just for a bit of reassurance, just so the pain would stop, if for a minute.

He cleaned my wounds, gave me stitches under my left eye, all with the skill of a doctor, but underlying this, deep inside, there was the emotional attachment of the blood running through our veins.

He said nothing whilst he did this, he just looked deep into the bruises that covered me as if they would offer him the answers to the questions he wasn't sharing with me. I suspected that he was wondering what to do with me, whether after he had healed me he should march me back to the cage, after all, he had been part and parcel of bringing me here, or whether he should let me alone, allow me to try once more for freedom. Maybe, he was thinking of Kana, maybe he was remembering her, missing her, and was dreading seeing history repeating itself.

"Yuki-" the word was like a foreign language, something I knew but that had been distanced from me.

"I'm going to tell you where he is. The rest is up to you. I cannot lie for you, or for myself, and so, if someone asks me where you are, I will tell them what has happened." He sighed deeply. Exhausted, deflated, falling slowly apart.

I didn't speak, there were no words to say to him. I only nodded.

"go to Shigure's house. Stay there. Akito can't get there without help, and I've confined her to the house because she is ill. You'll be safe there, for a while."

I nodded once again.

It was as if I was in a film, an old one, with a prisoner and a guard. The guard would taunt the prisoner by rattling thousands of keys of a big iron ring in front of the cell. Hatori pulled such a ring from a drawer in the corner. He flicked through them almost absent mindedly, with a hint of a smile, he found the one that he was looking for, an unsuspecting looking old key, exactly the same as the others. With a bit of fiddling, he pulled it from the ring, and handed it to me.

"he will be in the room opposite the one you were in."

"what?" the sentence did not compute.

"Akito put you opposite each other, she's always had it that way. She would have Yuki in his place, and eventually, you in yours"

He had been so close to me, and I had just walked straight past him. I looked at the key in my hand, this was the most prized object I had ever possessed.

"Yuki will know the way out." he nodded to my clothes. "get dressed. You can't hang around"

He was back to his stoic self, no emotion, no caring touches from his healing hands now. but I knew from his actions, he had been hurt in the way I was, and he wanted to atone for his past actions, whether they were forced upon him or not. He would not do it again.

I dressed, ached a little from being poked and prodded, but I was on my way, as I opened the door to leave, I looked back.

"Hatori."

He looked up from his paperwork.

"thank you"

He nodded again. I can't be sure, but I think I saw a single glinting tear well up and fall from his eye.

**I'll take you down to water  
comin for to carry you home**

*Yuki*

I was slung back into the room. I could see nothing, feel nothing. I had had everything ripped away from me, and now I had the rest of my life to remember it.

I resorted back to being a child again, I felt with my hands for a wall, and I followed this wall to a corner. It was here that I curled into myself and cried. I cried until I slept, or until I simply couldn't anymore.

I didn't mind crying loudly here, no one would hear me, as no one was near me. I know now, thinking back on it, that if I had had the means, I would have killed myself. I had nothing left to live for, in the short time that Kyo and I had together, I discovered a reason to survive, and now, Akito had surely dealt with him as she had me.

**no more weary, no more tired  
comin for to carry you home**

***Kyo* **

Although still nervous, frightened for my life even, I felt braver than before, knowing Yuki's location gave me cause to carry on, to walk a little quicker, it even let me dream a little, to think about how it would feel to hold him in my arms again.

I found the door, the one that stuck out, the one with the bolts on. And I looked across to the one opposite. He was in there. I took a deep breath, checked around me one last time, and slipped the key into the lock.

The door opened into darkness, my shadow entered the room before I did, growing with every bit of light that poured in. I squinted, not able to see anything, when my eyes fell upon a huddled lump in the corner. His slim arms wrapped themselves around him, he covered his eyes, shaking, whimpering, crying.

"Yuki?" my voice barely escaped me.

He froze, no shaking, no crying, just a slow recognition of who had said his name.

"k-Kyo?" he sounded nothing like himself, croaking, ill, frightened.

I took a step forward and he flinched. Retreating like a crab into its shell, he was threatened. I walked slowly, treading lightly, I treated him like a bird, approaching with caution lest it be startled and fly away. I dropped to my knees when I reached him, laying my hands gently upon his side.

"Yuki..." I breathed his name, my fingers finding his hair.

"it's ok. It's ok, it's me, come on. We have to leave."

He looked up at me then, an expression that I will never forget, his eyes wide, bruised, desperate to find some semblance of relief, and they did. He scrambled, his arms weak but determined, his legs not strong enough to hold him just yet, but he made it, he wrapped himself around me, sobbing.

Having him in my arms again seemed alien, I had convinced myself that I would never again know this sensation, never again feel the warmth of him. he began to squirm, getting shakily to his feet whilst still holding on to me. He swayed as he steadied himself, preparing for what was to be the biggest challenge of our lives.

"ready?" I asked, unsure if I myself was.

He swallowed deeply, as if eating the air he lacked in his lungs, and he nodded.

"let's go then"

**my sweet love, I will take you there  
comin for to carry you home  
I will take you home  
I will take you home  
my darling, I will shelter you  
comin for to carry you home  
I'll lay you down still water  
comin for to carry you home  
no more weary, no more tired  
comin for to carry you home  
I will take you home  
I will take you home  
I will take you home  
I will take you home**


	43. Sola Sistim

**Here is the next chapter, sorry for the delay.**

**I don't own fruits basket or 'sola sistim' by underworld, and I make no money from this.**

**My eyes burn naked,  
My black cold numbers,  
My insecurities,  
My devious nature,  
Make it go away. **

The walk to the door was strained, Yuki was quaking in my arms and for a while I struggled to hold him. We got to the door, the light blinding us both momentarily, and we stopped.

"you need to tell us where to go. I don't know my way around" my voice shook the way his body did.

He seemed to be empty. His eyes blinked absently, wide, as he looked up to the light bulb that stunned him so. I gave him a moment and then he seemed to come back to himself.

"window." He croaked. "we need to get out of a window. The doors will be too dangerous."

"ok." I started walking, then it hit me. where on earth would I find a window in this maze?

"next door, go next door. There will be no one in there." It was as if he could read my mind, and although the idea of an escape filled me with joy, I was nevertheless dubious that we would make it to Shigure's. Part of me doubted that Yuki could even make it out of the window without help.

I stuck my head out into the hall, looked along the corridor and saw that we were alone. We rounded the corner into the next room, it was open. this surprised me greatly. I was expecting it to be locked tight, like both mine and Yuki's door.

**My rest between rubber,  
My spider shadow,  
My shattered dancer.**

The door swung open without a creak, and looking around, I was stunned to my very core. The room was full of photographs, some colour, some black and white, but all of the Sohmas. There were pictures of Ayame, Hatori, and Shigure in their youth, as they god older, looking at them, looking at their faces, as they got older, they all got sadder. I thought about the possible events that led them to lose their happiness and their freedom, some of them I knew, others I could only imagine. There were pictures of an infant Yuki, smiling and wide-eyed. I saw them all, my family, the people who share my genetic code, who share my curse. It made me feel sick to the stomach, queasy and unsteady on my feet. Yuki broke away from me, and slowly and shakily closed the door behind us, then he found a desk to lean against.

I continued to look at the pictures, not only were there some framed on the walls, but there was boxes stacked high, filled to the brim with negatives, with prints, and with pictures in broken frames. It hit me very suddenly, my stomach gave a lurch at the realization. There were no pictures of me. I was truly the outcast, the dirty secret of the Sohma family.

"there are none of me" I sounded like a spoiled child.

"be thankful" Yuki sighed, picking up a photograph of him when he was about three.

I walked over and looked at it.

"you were a beautiful child Yuki" I ran my fingers through his hair, I loved the adult Yuki, his beauty, his stance, his person. But I felt cold at the thought of the younger Yuki, the Yuki I had met once, and that I had disliked intensely. I looked at him in this image, although I still felt that cold, I saw him as I know him in the present.

"no one like me could ever be beautiful" he looked to the floor, there was a lamp on in the corner and it cast deep shadows across his face, I noticed shame upon his features.

"how wrong you are." I smiled, it ached, the bruises were coming out.

"you're wrong too" his voice was nearly silent.

"about?"

"about the pictures. There are photographs of you. There are hundreds of them. But Akito won't allow them to be put up"

I should have known, and I should have expected it, but it still stung me somewhere deep inside me. Yuki, looking very small and very tired shifted over to a cupboard I had never been aware of before. He pulled the door open, it creaked loudly and leaning down, he found a box. With an audible heave he pulled the box out onto the floor. In an elegant script, my name was written across the top flap 'Sohma Kyo'.

I felt queasy, I was about to see my life in front of me, printed in pictures. Yuki opened the box, kneeling carefully beside it. He pulled about a stack of pictures, as many as his hands could take. He began to flick through them, and although he smiled at them, calling me cute, a sadness filled his eyes that slowly broke my heart.

He handed them to me. what I saw sparked memories in me that had long laid dormant. In one picture I was smiling, laughing with Shishou. In another I was in the bath, splashing about, smiling. In the next I was about eight. And my eyes were beginning to look like Shigure's, like Hatori's, and like Ayame's. They were beginning to look sad.

From along the hall I heard footsteps, our curse allows us the extraordinary hearing that comes with being something other than human. I jump, spilling the photographs and snatching Yuki's hand.

"we have to leave." The blood pumps unbearably fast in my ears.

Moving to the window I search in the half-light for the catch, it slips easily in my hand and I lift the window open, the cold air blasts in, a gale that almost knocks me off my feet, it catches my breath and takes it away for a moment, regaining my faculties I look to Yuki, he stands closer to me than I had thought and looks at me worriedly.

"ready?"

**Beautiful, broken,  
My crystal fingers,  
Beautiful, broken,  
My crystal fingers.**

He nods. He sits on the thin window ledge hoisting his legs through the window, he struggles, and so I help him, supporting his aching back. With a pained groan he lands standing outside the slightly raised window. His arms raised up as if to catch me, but with the state he was in, he would probably struggle to get out of his own way.

"Yuki, just stay low to the ground"

He did as I asked, moving to the side to allow for me to get out. I took one more sad look around the room and then threw myself out of the window.

Cats always land on their feet. This is not true of me, when I used to get beaten by Yuki, I would land unceremoniously on the floor in a heap. This was the case now, I was so panicked that all semblance of thought left me. I had literally hurled myself out of the window in a way that should have been reserved for a much higher jump. In all, the only thing I had accomplished was making myself look very stupid. Yuki helped me up, brushing the powdery snow off of my knees and shoulders. I smiled at him, I could feel my cheeks reddening. But still my stomach churned.

"let's go" we looked side to side, it was eerily silent in the gardens, the only thing that moved was the snow, endlessly static. We moved through it, and already I was consumed with a chill. I looked to Yuki, he seemed to be turning blue. Our footsteps were clumsy, and I was nearly blind for the falling snowflakes, but he told me to continue walking, not to stop until I find the wall. It turned out that the wall found me. the snow fell harder and thicker, I could no longer see. As soon as the wall came into view, it was too late for me to stop, with a smack I hit it. Yuki laughed quietly, and for a moment, just a split second, I hated him again. But he leaned to me, and kissed my forehead, all his sins were atoned and my heart belonged solely to him.

"follow the wall, along to the right. We'll go behind some bushes, so it'll be bumpy. Don't trip-" he began to laugh again, obviously thinking of my interaction with the wall, before I could snap at him he continued: "but at least we'll be covered" it all made perfect sense.

We walked, I felt may way along the wall with my hands, I could only assume he was doing the same. I could hear him gasping for breath behind me and I worried, I thought of Yuki's lungs, the way they were weak, their equivalent was brown paper bags and brown paper bags would not survive this weather. I turned around and looking at him, my suspicions were confirmed and I panicked a little, I would lead him to the nearest covering, and we would rest, he would calm himself enough to breathe and I would help him do so. We walk about 100 yards, the bushes were thick and heavy with snow, perfect protection. As I ducked to enter, I took his hand, guiding him down to sit on the cold but dry ground. He looked confused but he didn't argue with me. he leant against the wall and I knelt in front of him my hands upon his shoulders.

"it's ok. It's ok, just breathe, breathe deeply" watching me intently he tried his best to do what I asked, his breathing was still painful to listen to.

My hands cupped his face, held him close to my chest, only now did the true extent of my fright come to the surface, I began to shake, my eyes filled with tears, and whether it was through sadness or relief I do not know, but all I could do was cry. He wrapped his arms tight around me, he was now breathing as I had told him to, deeply, slowly, I could feel the warmth of it in my chest.

I kissed the top of his head, his hair smelled of cold, of the outdoors, I wanted to curl up and go to sleep with that smell, but I knew we had to carry on. I missed it as soon as I moved from him, but he looked up at me, the image of innocence and he smiled, it was all going to be ok. I leant down and kissed him chastely upon the lips, as long as we were together we would be alright, I hoped. Part of me winced at my own cliché, but the other part of me was reassured by it.

**My glass like rain,  
My illumination,  
My cracks are sliding,  
Shaker, feather,  
Rubber, duster,  
Cold, cool,**

Taking a deep breath, I for once, had to be the strong one, the one that took care of someone else, and I pushed myself into it with all the force I could muster. I held my hand out, and he took it, his grip was weak, but I knew that to him, he was squeezing with all his might.

We left our cover, and were once again out in the open, but only briefly, incandescent light pouring from the windows of near-by buildings showed us our path, but as much as it helped us, I was also fearful that it would be our downfall. Buildings with lights on, usually indicated that there was someone in them, had they found out we were missing? Were they looking for us? I walked a bit quicker.

I turned as we entered another bush.

"where are we going?" the walking in front of me seemed endless, the snow was getting thicker, and I was beginning to turn blue.

"keep walking. The wall runs out soon, it will turn to wood panels, one of them comes off easily."

I stopped, like a car slamming it's brakes on.

"how do you know?" irritation prickled my skin like the thorns I kept encountering.

"I grew up here, Kyo, don't doubt me."

I was put in my place, and so I continued walking. My feet were wet with snow, the damp rising up to my knees. I hate the rain, and now I'm older, I hate the snow. I hated it especially now. I felt the wall, waiting for what Yuki had promised. And after what felt like an eternity, I found it. The surface felt less dense, but cold with frozen water that had seeped into it when it last rained.

"keep going" he whispered. And I did.

His hand on my shoulder made me jump, he had stopped. He was pulling at a long, thin fence panel with his shaking fingers.

"it's ok, it's ok, let me do it." I held his hands in mine for a moment, finding that they warmed his if only a fraction. I pulled the panel free, wondering what to do with it, if only for a second, and then dropping it to the floor. He slid through before I could invite him to. I followed struggling slightly. And there it was, with the help of some unknown person and Hatori, we had escaped. The sense of relief swept over me for a moment, although it was wiped away by the realization that we had to make our way back to Shigure's there was no safety until then, no relaxing.

I ached, my limbs becoming heavier and heavier with every step, but I carried on. I knew I was in better shape than Yuki, as he was once again rasping for breath, but I didn't know what exactly was wrong with him. I wasn't going to tell him, but I was willing to carry him if he needed me to.

"Kyo, please, please can we stop for a minute?" he was gasping loudly, as if the very oxygen he metabolised was drowning him. I took him by the shoulders and guided him to a tree stump, it was covered in a thick blanket of snow and was difficult to identify, but I swept the snow away, making room for him. He sat, clutching his side and wheezing so badly I thought he might be dying.

"are you ok?" he didn't reply. "Yuki, Yuki, are you ok? Talk to me" I tried to keep my voice low but panic was setting in, and on reflection I think I was shouting.

He shook his head, his head lolling and his hands gripping at the tree stump. I moved to catch him before he knew he was going to collapse. And then his weight was on me, his head falling on my shoulder. Panic stopped me breathing for a minute and as I got myself together I started to move him. I laid him down in the snow, his skin was almost the same colour, his wounds, the scratch on his face the welts around his eyes. Everything else was under his t-shirt.

**Your fingers, broken,  
Beautiful, wonderful,  
Paper flaps,  
How you love,  
Love to love,  
Love and stitch,  
Shaker, rubber, striper.**

I dropped to my knees, putting my ear to his chest, amidst the rattling of his beating heart I could hear the air uneasily entering and leaving his lungs, he was alive, just out of it. I cried, a prickly chill ran throughout my whole body and as I tried to shake it off I pulled him up from the floor and hugged him close to me. his back was wet with snow, I knew it would mean trouble for him when a chill took him and it began to freeze. I pulled the shirt up over his head, he was a dead weight and I struggled with him, but soon, he was free of it. I leant him against the tree stump and removed the shirt I was wearing. It was still damp, but drier that the one he was wearing. I slipped it onto him with much struggling. I was doing up the buttons as he came to, he sat bolt upright and grabbed at my hands, I had never seem panic such as this, and it threw me completely.

"I-it's me, Yuki, it's me, it's ok"

His eyes were veiled with fear, for a second he didn't recognise me at all. These seems to be a click in his mind, and he came back to me, wrapping his arms tight around me.

"I'm sorry" he could barely talk, we were in dangerous territory now.

I knew I would have to all but carry him the rest of the way. It seemed impossible, but it needed to be done.

I ran my fingers through his hair as he rested his head on my shoulder. The silver wisps were dampened by the snow, somehow it seemed fitting for him, the ice prince. I looked about us. There were trees as far as the eye could see, which wasn't very far, it was pitch black with the light from the windows now completely gone.

"Hatori." He coughed.

"what?" I had the same mixed feelings every time I heard the Dragon's name.

"I need to see Hatori" he choked into my chest.

"no, y-you can't. You can't go back in there, it's too dangerous." I knew his condition was bad and so I couldn't possibly refuse him treatment, however I was seeing sense, if we went back in there, we were almost sure to be caught.

"I can't carry on Kyo, I'll die" he was crying, I could feel his tears turning from warm to cold on my skin, prickled with Goosebumps.

I didn't know what to do, suddenly the world was falling away from me again. I learned a valuable lesson that night, never allow yourself to become comfortable, because comfort can never last too long.

"I'll go and get him. I'll bring him here." It was the only thing I could do to keep Yuki safe, or as safe as I possibly could.

He nodded, too weak to even talk now. I put the wet shirt on, it smelled of him, and it smelled of tears.

**Beautiful, broken,  
My crystal fingers,  
Beautiful, broken,  
My crystal fingers.**


End file.
